Feeling bullied and my face doesn't fit

Dimey

I understand where you're coming from and my instinct would be to find a nice new permanent job.

But I think lots of jobs are getting like this. Bosses seem to have created a hostile environment in the workplace in recent years. You could find you've jumped from the frying pan into the fire.

Given your need for stability with the new mortgage, I wonder whether it might be worth a heart to heart conversation with your boss in a last ditch attempt to calm things down. Don't go to HR, that might get up his nose. He needs to know that he is the person you confide in. He won't want to hear things from others that you haven't already told him.

Is your boss likely to be there for some time? If so then worth telling him how uncomfortable and insecure you feel at work but that you know you shouldn't feel this way. Don't wine, be constructive. Tell him you support all that he's doing and that you do twice as much as some others so you are a good reliable employee for him to have. But that you are a quiet diligent person and you don't want to be dragged into office politics. Remind him briefly how you suffered with the bully and you were relieved when he fired her. Tell him you need him to protect you from the office politics so you can get on and do great work that will look good for him. Tell him you're on his side and all you are asking for is his support to enable you to do a good job and get back that sense of security.

Ask your boss directly whether there is any reason from his viewpoint for you to fear for your job and if not then ask him how he would like to work from here on that will get the best out of you and re-build your sense of security.

I don't know whether this idea works for you. If not and you don't want to risk leaving then I guess you just go heads down in the job. Be polite and friendly, do everything well and accept that insecurity is part of the horrible workplace we've created nowadays. Focus on happy times with a lovely new home outside work. Join an exercise class or do some sports if you don't already, Its supposed to release happy hormones.

Of course if your depression is back on a bad low then its essential you see your doctor. Sounds like the anti-depressants may not be working as they should. You shouldn't be going round in a fog.

Dimey

AliceBanned wrote: »

That's very helpful. It is something i struggle with (obviously!) >>>>>

Actually thought of applying for a three month sabbatical, which is offered by my employer (unpaid) after five years' service. thought it might help me get my act together but won't be applying whilst in all this turmoil and feeling untrusted by my manager!

Can you afford 3 months with no money now you have a mortgage to pay.

Why don't you just book a fortnight's holiday to coincide with your moving in and relax & enjoy the new home. Take time out to think about the way forward and research how many other suitable vacancies are around, when you are more relaxed.

AliceBanned

Thanks Dimey

Funnily enough I've booked 1 and a half weeks off from mid October - just did it yesterday. I may switch this to two weeks and go away for the first week - I think if I get to the new place I will start to feel more positive. If I do make it to that stage I'm sure I will start to feel better; ie if they don't try and get rid of me.

Your suggestion of speaking to my manager and director is a good idea. I definitely felt that my director seemed hurt/annoyed about something to do with me when he wouldn't look at me yesterday. I think explaining to them that i want to do good work, try and get on with people well as far as I feel able with the heavy workload, etc might help if it is not too late. I think my director is terrified of HR because he has been pulled up in the past by the HR director for lousy management - he has had tears in his eyes talking about it so he has his own insecurities and fears I guess, and feelings.

When I did speak to HR recently they did not really consider me as much as my managers - which is what was a bit worrying. I do feel relations with them are breaking down a bit and particularly as my director seems to not want me to take on a higher profile role as I have done in tiny steps, I even thought of telling him that I am just trying to progress, am frustrated where I am and don't expect any more from him/that role; ie will be job hunting. Would that be a step too far?

Dimey

I wouldn't tell them you are job hunting as they might start making plans for your exit rather than working on improving the future.

Beware being used as a pawn between HR and your bosses. Sounds like there's a political battle there where you could be used and spat out by either party.

Your director (tears in eyes) is clearly struggling as much as you are but he's keeping it to himself. As you can see, that's what people do in work so you can't jump to conclusions, particularly if your mind is thinking the worst. You just don't know unless you ask direct questions. They may think you are a model employee and would hate to lose you. They may be astonished when you tell them you feel insecure.

Your discussion should be with the person/people you report to. If they pass you to HR for any reason, then fine.

I would focus on stabilising and reinforcing your job security at present. Try to meet before you go on holiday so you leave with a clearer head and lighter load. And your bosses feel good about you in your absence.

When you come back from holiday then bring up the promotional prospects or opportunities for more varied work or wider responsibilities, ideally for higher salary.

AliceBanned

OK. If I feel up to it I will speak to my line manager tomorrow.

I know he tells my director everything.

Thanks Dimey and everyone else who has responded, it is all so helpful.

Dimey

Good luck Alicebanned.

Do some preparation and make a few memory jog notes so you can look down at your notepad if your mind goes blank.

Ask to meet during the lunch hour or after work to be sure you have plenty of time and are not rushed and so it doesn't affect workload.

When you ask for the meeting, explain you want his advice and help with your job. Just so he doesn't think you are about to give notice.

AliceBanned

I now see that my director had a meeting with HR on Tues - it just says "HR issue".

I am pretty certain I should resign. Now just in case anything terrible happens.

If I do, would my mortage be revoked? I have a two month notice period and the mortgage hasn't started yet. i can get another job quickly, temp at least, as long as my reputation isn't tarnished.

dandelionclock30

I would'nt just resign in this climate, places will want to know why.Also it will leave you in not a good financial place etc.
They could have had a meeting about anything, it doesnt have to have to have been about you.
I personally think if someone feels that something is not right then there usually is something in it though. Gut feelings are there for a reason. Your obviously very unhappy in this workplace.
I'd sit tight there be as helpfull as possible and hit the agencies and apply for anything half decent to get out of there. Also I'd go to my friends and parents for some support.
I dont know all the inns and outs of mortgages so I cant help you with that sorry.
If your in an office job, what about agencies such as Reed or Office Angels?
Also if you've been there for 5 plus years they cant just sack you unless you've done something under gross misconduct.

Dimey

Absolutely don't resign.

You really don't know what that HR meeting was about. Even if it was about you, there's a long way to go giving you opportunities to improve in the areas they state before you are likely to be warned you might lose your job. If they tell you where they want you to improve - you can do that.

The meeting might even have been about promoting you. It could have been about someone else entirely.

Stick to the plan. Stay confident. Don't even think of losing the mortgage.

If after the meeting you feel you want to start looking for a new job, then do while you're on holiday. Don't tell your company you are looking. You must get an unconditional offer of employment from your new company before you resign from the old company. That way you never miss a month's money.

There is no need to make this situation worse by acting rashly. Keep calm and stay in control. You can do it.

Edit- No the mortgage won't be revoked so long as you stay working at your salary level. So don't resign. Whoever you have your mortgage with can pull out at any time up to draw down (as can you) but it would be extremely rare and unlikely for that to happen.
Once the mortgage is formally drawn down (at completion) then the mortgage can't be revoked and you are obliged to pay every monthly instalment. So again don't resign until you have a new job at your existing salary level or above. Don't leave a gap between jobs and you won't get yourself into trouble.

happenstance

Do not resign.

If you haven't been sent a letter or warned that you may be dismmised in the meeting it is unlikely to happen.

Have to say though when HR schedule meetings with a general heading, they often are something sensitive.

It more or less sounds like the kind of stuff most people are going through these days so even a new job may not resolve it.

Have you tried CBT, it helps to reprogram the way you think about things.

It sounds naff and it is no means easy but try to position yourself so your job cant affect you.