heartbroken to face it.

HOK3Y

So happy to see you verysmall. I did worry about you a little over the weekend and I'm glad to see you back and sounding like you have found a toehold on the situation. Only you know what will work for you and you will find endless support and advice here. Best of luck increasing your income and getting on track. You will make the right decisions for you and your family I am certain - and it will get better. Love to you. X

consultant31

Keeping_Positive wrote: »

Verysmall you and your husband are doing all the right things. It will get easier. Regarding earning more I think sometimes the time you can spend money saving in the home ie batch cooking could be just as cost effective as working them spending more through stress guilt and tiredness.

earning more did not help but actually hindered my Df journey

I know it's not exactly the same situation as there are no longer children involved for me, but the bold part of the quoted post is so true.

When I was forced to retire early to look after my elderly parents I wondered how I would manage financially, but I have found that I actually have money left over (which I rarely had before).

I found that it is so much cheaper not to go to work.......no fuel costs, no lunch buying, no collections for new babies, retirees, birthdays etc. You have time to bake, rather than buying biscuits, cakes, pies etc and to make some wonderful (cut-price) meals from scratch.

If you're an early riser, pop off to the local supermarkets as soon as they open and buy up any 'whoopsies' that are on the shelf. Most of them are freezable and usually little more than half price.

Pop into local charity shops and watch eBay for clothing. I bought a new velvety baby-gro last week for an expected grandchild for just £1.25. It's brand new, labels still attached and originally priced at £6 - bargain

Please don't be ashamed to admit you're struggling. It's so common these days and there are so many peple who want to help if they can.

Good luck

Pricivius

Quick point, verysmall - have you checked that child support payments are in line with CSA levels? I could be wrong, but I understood that if care is shared 50/50, you pay 50% of 20% of your earnings to your exOH and he pays 50% of 20% of his earnings to you, or something like that. If he is earning well, his payments will be more than yours and you are entitled to a payment. Maybe pop over to the shild support board to check?

Ignore me if you are already receiving this or if I've got it wrong!

Edited to add - if you have a good relationship with exOH, it may not be worth rocking the boat. Also, there's the question of morality over legal entitlement, but that's for you to consider...!

verysmall

Thank you both HOK3Y and Keeping Positive Yes, we have found in the past that working for me at the level of income I could generate did not actually mean we had any more money. And the tips are great consultant31 we already buy second hand (well done on the babygrow!) and often shop in the bargain section at Sainsbury so we can eat decent food at less cost. But it seems the big things catch us out.

DH and I have been yearning for a much simpler life and last night we were talking that this might be a blessing in disguise. We are not shrugging of our responsibility to repay what we borrowed, and we will repay it, but just maybe we let it get this way so that we could truly truly have a simple life? That our hearts wanted a less materialistic way of life, but because we could borrow, we let peer pressure and teen pressure push our buttons when maybe we should have held tighter to our values of frugality? So we used the borrowed money for the big items when really, if we had been honouring our values, the current account might have been able to handle those costs better. Just thinking out loud.

I think I am going to join one of the motivational/support threads as I am blown away by how kind you have all been and how although I know it is our responsibility, it was so welcome to have support to encourage us to do the right thing.

oh Pricivius, I am not sure if I can claim from him and visa versa, but somehow, it doesnt seem right with me.

youknowthis123

very pleased you are in a better place than you were when I read your first post!

Keep it up!

Puzzcat

Hi,

Nothing new to add to the excellent advice you have already been given...

I am just embarking on my dmp journey and have found the dmp support thread invaluble, do pop over and check it out sometime.

I am sending you a little as I think you deserve it, and well done for finding MSE.

regards
Puzz. x

cocoloco

Hi 'verysmall'!

Glad that you are finding things are getting more peacefull- after the initial knee-jerk feeling things seem to be not as bad as you thought first. Keep up with what you are doing, it will all fall to place.

I would strongly recommend to read FRUGAL QUEEN's blog- the best blog out there for frugal way of living. Go back to the start of her journey - she is such as great inspiration.

Good luck and kepp us posted.

cocoloco

"I would strongly recommend to read FRUGAL QUEEN's blog- the best blog out there for frugal way of living. Go back to the start of her journey - she is such as great inspiration."

I forgot the mention "Our new life in teh Country" blog- brilliant blog about frugal small holding.

GenericUsername

Hi verysmall,

Having read this thread and felt the fear that you are feeling I thought I would try and offer some advice:

1. I think it is great that you and your husband are tackling your debts as a team. I know it isn't easy but if you can devote a few hours a week to sitting down together to go through your finances that really helps to focus and will automatically create new ideas for being debt free.

2. There are two main stages when you have that LBM. The first is fear and anxiety. Maybe even a little bit of self-pity. Then comes the anger. At first you will be angry at yourself. I was. But I decided that instead of the anger becoming something which caused myself and OH to argue, I would use it. I directed my anger at the credit card companies. This in turn gave me determination to never be in this situation again. It helps me to calmly tackle this debt problem of my own doing with the knowledge that I want to be free of the cc's forever. It annoys me seeing the credit card adds on tv (apparently they help to give you 'freedom to live life'). But it also gives me a certain satisfaction knowing that I can read between the lines (and lies). As the old saying goes 'don't get mad, get even' (don't get mad, break even' anyone!?!)So just feel happy in the knowledge that you are now well on the way to being debt free.

3. There is no reason to feel like a failure because you have debts. It amazes me how we almost feel like we have failed at living life because we are in debt. Debt is not only accepted by many, but embraced as the 'norm'. I'm going to sound quite philosophical now but the truth is that the game is rigged. It is almost impossible to not have debts at some point in your life. It is the way the world works now. My grandparents brought home a paycheck and that cash had to last. If it didn't then they went without. But it isn't like that anymore. It is virtually impossible to live without bank accounts, direct debits, credit cards, loans. It is almost as if someone doesn't want us to be happy, debt free people with savings living life to the fullest. And some people do embrace the culture of living in debt. When I started my debt free journey I wrote down all my debts to get that magic figure that needed to be cleared in order to owe nothing. It was around £90,000. I included my mortgage in that because at some point it would also have to be tackled so I could owe 0. I was shocked at how many of my friends told me I shouldn't include the mortgage because 'it's not 'real' debt'. Focus on clearing everything.

4. It cannot be stressed enough how much coming onto these forums helps when tackling you debts. I have been reading these threads for a long time and they do so much. They make me laugh sometimes. They give me perspective. Things I never even thought of become evident. Someone always has a new idea or something which I can add to my financial arsenal for tackling debt. So many things that have helped me along the way have been because of the good people on MSE saying something simple or making something complacated a little bit easier to digest. But mainly they help you realise that you are not alone and all problems can be overcome. One thing that just came to me was something I read on here a long time ago and has stuck with me - 'everything will be alright in the end. If it's not alright, it's not the end'.

So keep posting for motivation. Like me you have found your tribe.

Best wishes on your debt free journey.

Newgirl_2

I can't really expand on what others have said except to agree. We were in a huge mess and I've literally just posted to say as of this week, we are debt free. Our debt was huge and seemed insurmountable but we survived. and we're actually still together which is a miracle

I wanted to post to say it can be done, you've made the important first step and I do agree completely - give it a month or two and you will realise you're better off on a DMP and probably have a better budget and allowance to spend than when you were firefighting the bills.

Good luck. Keep posting on the boards. There are some amazing people here.

Newgirl