Moral dilemma? Would like some input please

Talent

I'm sure something similar was on this site some time ago! Are we recycling dilemnas?

cupboardie

As for who's fault it is - it's definitely yours

yes she left it as yours but it would have been safe there. Your the one that lost it - not her. She forgot it but it wasn't lost.

Of course if your house had been burgled and the bracelet nicked then it would be her fault.

As for what to do now - just ask her. She may not even want money/replacement - but it's her choice to make

John_Pierpoint

As I don't have any jewellery, I find it hard to be sympathetic over the ££ value; though I can understand the sentimental value.

It is a bit late now, but upon finding something left behind at my place, I would immediately offer to "bung it in the post" - the chance of it not getting there even second class is about 99,999 to 1 (Are the statistics somewhere in the Royal Mail prospectus ?)

If the owner started protesting about my paying the postage - I would say it was absolutely not a problem but if they needed it back in a hurry, when would they next be over to my place to collect it?

If they were unable to make a date (or were possibly hoping I would be able to drive 50 miles and deliver it) I would bung it in the mail anyway.

If I am expected to keep safe indefinitely something that means nothing to me, I will inevitably forget a month later, so sort out the situation immediately is my philosophy.

(For members of the family and close friends there is a high shelf where little piles of "next visit" stuff might pile up, a bit like pigeon holes, but I still need to remember to check the shelf).:eek:

Hands up anyone who has not lent a book, CD or DVD and then had the problem of getting it back.

dorisbonkers

I was going to say that if she was anything of a friend, she would say that it was just unfortunate circumstance. You both lost it and you would both know replacement would be pointless as it's real value was sentimental, and thus irreplacable. You could have made an offer of some sort, but again, a real friend would not let you do anything, probably saying "buy me a drink sometime!"
Then I read your later post.
It is obvious that this was not a friend at all. Don't lose any sleep over her. If the item does turn-up, swap it with her for your cash and give her the elbow.

gayleygoo

cupboardie wrote: »

As for who's fault it is - it's definitely yours

yes she left it as yours but it would have been safe there. Your the one that lost it - not her. She forgot it but it wasn't lost.

Nothing is safe in my house. If a friend left something at my house, I would certainly try to keep it safe, but that wouldn't mean it actually would be safe, from say, kids, pets, the hoover etc. The OP's friend didn't leave the item at her friend's house for it to "be safe", but because she forgot to take it with her.

OP, I think it's a shame your friend insisted on the money being given to her when it wasn't all your fault. She now has a similar item that probably cost just as much but won't mean anything, it will just remind her of what she actually lost. She isn't financially out of pocket, but you will be paying off the mistake for the next few months if not more.

Did she ask you to bring it over to her? Not that it makes a difference now I suppose, but if she did then she certainly shouldn't have taken money from you. If it was that important she could have collected it and not given you the responsibility and the blame.

Winter_Phoenix

Happyjaw wrote: »

Since making the original post the contact between us has primarily been about the money, she's asked 3 times. I've struggled to get the money sorted and eventually given it off a credit card.
The original item was an anniversary gift from her husband, now she'll have a similar item which I've paid for and has zero sentimental value, just an association of bad memories of the loss, asking for money etc.
I think it became tangled with my keys in a supermarket car park on the way home, I did all I could to find it on the assumption that had happened.
Now I feel annoyed at myself for losing it, I'm very careful as a rule and unhappy that the money became such a big deal.
Thanks for all the replies. I suspect the friendship is lost over this though.

Your friend left a piece of jewellery at your house, and you kindly tried to return it to her. An accident happened which meant that the jewellery couldn't be returned, and you have now done everything in your power to put the loss right for her.

Please don't be annoyed with yourself and upset about your friend's attitude towards the money. On the contrary, you should be proud of yourself for acting with such integrity, generosity, thoughtfulness and kindness towards her, even though she wasn't behaving as well towards you. You've acted as a real, big-hearted friend would - well done, you!

Augustus_the_Strong

Well at least your friend's husband will know what to buy her come next anniversary, so even the sentimental value can easily be replaced. But you haven't lost much of a friend.