Moral dilemma? Would like some input please

MuddyMulberry

I think this one's a bit tricky. Both people are responsible for the loss of the item. I think a good look at the route in case it was dropped, plus advertising for its return, is the way to go, followed by a taking your friend out for a commiseratory (is that a word? Well, it is now) lunch.

As a mere afterthought, I'd add that if I'd left something of value at a friend's house, I'd have got on the phone to them as soon as I realised, and made arrangements to come and pick it up. I certainly wouldn't leave it for her to bring over.

MuddyMulberry

I think this one's a bit tricky. Both people are responsible for the loss of the item. I think a good look at the route in case it's still where it was dropped, plus advertising for its return, is the way to go, followed by a taking your friend out for a commiseratory (is that a word? Well, it is now) lunch.

As a mere afterthought, I'd add that if I'd left something of value at a friend's house, I'd have got on the phone to them as soon as I realised, and made arrangements to come and pick it up. I certainly wouldn't leave it for them to bring over.

Themightypen

Well it's great that you want to make amends. As it is the sentimental value that is important here rather than the cost, why don't you take your friend shopping and choose a new item together? Then it will have sentimental value of its own because it will represent your friendship.

pennypinchUK

Your friend didn't lose it - they merely left it behind at your house. You lost it. You should go with them to buy a suitable replacement. Not grudgingly, but with good heart and an open, positive attitude. That way, although they've lost something of great sentimental value you've replaced it in good spirit - there shouldn't be any sore feelings or awkwardness between you, and you may even build a pleasant memory for them, for although they've lost a valued item you've continued the memory through replacing it.

MissMills81

A friend of mine dropped and smashed my camera which was bought for me by my late grandad.

I wasn't bothered about the value and was upset because of the sentimental value. My friend apologised profusely and offered to replace the camera. I said no as I felt that she couldn't afford to replace it and because it was an accident. I wished many times that I had never asked her to take the photo but these things happen! I could have easily dropped it myself.

You losing your friends item was an accidental. Your friend leaving at yours was accidental. Offering to replace the item and saying sorry is all you can do. If she says no then that is her decision and im sure she will come to accept what happened.

Happyjaw

Since making the original post the contact between us has primarily been about the money, she's asked 3 times. I've struggled to get the money sorted and eventually given it off a credit card.
The original item was an anniversary gift from her husband, now she'll have a similar item which I've paid for and has zero sentimental value, just an association of bad memories of the loss, asking for money etc.
I think it became tangled with my keys in a supermarket car park on the way home, I did all I could to find it on the assumption that had happened.
Now I feel annoyed at myself for losing it, I'm very careful as a rule and unhappy that the money became such a big deal.
Thanks for all the replies. I suspect the friendship is lost over this though.

katecheshire

Surely this is what household insurance is for? You would either take the hit for the excess on your insurance or hers. As for losing no claims bonus, a decent insurance policy should allow a one off claim without penalty.

Sadly there hasn't been an opportunity to follow some of the sensible suggestions such as visiting an antique fair together. Hopefully you can rescue your friendship.

virtuallyfree

I am sorry. You did your best to try to return it.
It was her fault. She lost it not you.
Why does she think that a possession of hers is your responsibility?
If it was so special why does she leave it lying around?
I would not take a penny from a friend over something like this.
I think she is not a good friend, sorry.

gloriouslyhappy

Happyjaw wrote: »

Since making the original post the contact between us has primarily been about the money, she's asked 3 times. I've struggled to get the money sorted and eventually given it off a credit card...

Now I feel annoyed at myself for losing it, I'm very careful as a rule and unhappy that the money became such a big deal.
Thanks for all the replies. I suspect the friendship is lost over this though.

Very sorry to hear that. I hope time will help heal the rift, and if it doesn't, you should take some comfort from knowing you tried your best to rectify an unfortunate situation. No matter how careful you are, things have a way of 'just happening' to the best of us and it's how you handle it that counts - and in this case, I think you acted very properly. Hope you're not too out of pocket or losing sleep over this.. best wishes..

myusername_2

Doesn't sound like much of a friend to me. This would have been the conversation if it were my jewellery and my clumsy friend;

Friend: "I'm so sorry I lost your Jewellery. Please allow me to replace it or give you some money, or indeed take you shopping so that you can pick a suitable replacement"

Me: "Don't be so silly! Honestly don't worry about it. I don't want to hear anymore about it"

Any deviation from the above isn't a friendship it is an acquaintance. This person is happy to sacrifice a friendship for the sake accepting or pursuing a refund! Even going so far as taking it from your credit card! Doesn't sound that they are that sentimental in nature.