Husband problems

paulineb_2

I think the biggest issue here is that if this man is a house husband and that was arranged by them, that he would stay at home and she would work, somewhere communication has broken down to the point that shes thinking of ending the marriage over it

If this arrangement were working and she were happy with it, I doubt v much shed have passed comment about paying most of the bills and mortgage.

And thats why I asked initially, if she wasnt happy, why has she let this situation go on for so long.

mellenrob

paulineb wrote: »

Im wondering why its taken you 18 years to get to this stage, thats a long time to be carrying someone else financially

You did post recently about an inheritance, is thats whats prompted this issue, because you are going to be left money and you dont want him to get access to it

I totally understand that things must be tough for you, but why have you carried him financially for such a long time, if these projects havent got off the ground why on earth hasnt he been out looking for work

Has he been making any NI contributions during this time, to go towards his state pension?

Do wonder why I've put up with this for 18 years, mainly because of kids (got 2) but they are 19 and 17 so soon be doing their own thing, family has suffered as never had holiday's and yes I do want to protect an inheritance from him.
Appreciate the reply and think just need to hear people telling me I need to go

mellenrob

martinsurrey wrote: »

I'm sure there are millions of people in the UK who havent had a job since thier family had children, so why is this case different? ohh yeah, its because he's a man...

if this was a man saying why should he be financially carrying his wife who hasnt had a job since having kids the post would explode on him for not valuing her work...

did he look after the children before and after school? during holidays? has he done the cleaning and ironing?

No he doesn't do any housework or help with the kids - only thing he ever did was the school run and that was only when I couldn't do it when on way to work.
He would hate to be referred to as a house husband too as he believes he is an entrenprenuer and 'working from home' only that there is no income involved and no he hasn't paid any NI either :mad:

thorsoak

I'm pretty sure you've been asked this already - but - do you still love him? Simple answer - yes or no!

spirit

mellenrob wrote: »

Do wonder why I've put up with this for 18 years, mainly because of kids (got 2) but they are 19 and 17 so soon be doing their own thing, family has suffered as never had holiday's and yes I do want to protect an inheritance from him.
Appreciate the reply and think just need to hear people telling me I need to go

You don't need a bunch of t'interweb people to tell you this, we don't know you/him.

You might however have answered your own question.

Good luck

spirit

My ex was a bit like that too. I'd get home from work (f/t) to be met by a list of what he'd done all day and how I've not done anything and he was going to put his feet up.

So I would run round like a loony feeding the dog, getting ours and the children's supper, putting washing on etc etc

Fast forward a few years and I got talking to a neighbour, turns out the minute I left the house, he had his drum kit out and practised all day (apart from walking the dog at lunchtime). He then went into his home/office just before I got in.

BitterAndTwisted

So, how long did you both agree that he would have to get this business of his off the ground before he took on a permanent full-time job? I'd say that sharing an inheritance, even if it mean each of you getting a tenner each, would be a fair exchange for getting rid of this complete and utter waste of space. After 18 years of no NI payments he'll be lucky to get anything whatsoever on retirement. Unless you want him hanging like a millstone around your neck until death I think you should get rid asap.

Spendless

Has your husband claimed child benefit in his name during his years of being out of work? If he has, then he will have been receiving a National Insurance credit (it used to be called Home Responsibilities Protection but think it's had a name change in recent years). You get the credit until the child is x age, which is now 12, but again this may be a recent change.

Tish_P

This may not be a particularly valuable contribution to the thread, but I want to nuke the phrase "help with the kids". "Help" suggests it's a favour he's doing, taking on some of your job. It's not. It's a shared responsibility.

Also on the hit list is "babysitting" referring to a father.

paulineb_2

Tish_P wrote: »

This may not be a particularly valuable contribution to the thread, but I want to nuke the phrase "help with the kids". "Help" suggests it's a favour he's doing, taking on some of your job. It's not. It's a shared responsibility.

Also on the hit list is "babysitting" referring to a father.

Problem is, he doesnt seem to be doing any share, maybe thats why the OP used the word help, because hes not helping.