Brother borrowed 20k without consent

patchwork_cat

jonesMUFCforever wrote: »

I get the impression you are !!!!!footing around your brother but want to blame the bank for everything - why?
Do you intend to try and sue the bank?

It is normal practice that when a situation arises where more than one organisation/person can be sued to recover loses that you are advised to go after the person with the most assets in order to recover funds lost. Therefore the OP would be advised to establish a case against the bank as they are much less likely to declare themselves bankrupt and the OP's father find themselves at a the end of a long list.

Also from a personal point of view whilst it is the OP's brother that has committed an offence it may be that the bank is also culpable and if they had followed procedure a lot of loss could have been avoided.

Evenflow848

A few years ago I worked in Financial claims for a large UK bank and saw something similar to this. Similar figures, circumstances (parents not wanting to press charges against the family member) Basically, the victim of the fraud was refunded every penny after the claim went to the Financial Ombudsman.

The bank rejected any claims of fraud since the victims were unwilling to co-operate with Police in terms of pressing charges.

There is hope of getting this money yet, I am sure. At the end of the day, fraud is fraud.

Even if your dad is unwilling to press charges, there is hope he could get the money back.

AndyBSG

NANANINANOONOO wrote: »

I know some people on here are judging my dad for letting his son have access to his account

The only people judging are idiots and should be ignored.

Your father did nothing that any other elderly person wouldn't do... Trust the children they love.

I would recommend you just ignore the heartless trolls.

ALIBOBSY

Just popped back to read the latest on this thread and am a bit shockec by some posts that seem to imply that the OP and/or hr father might some how be at fault for trusting the brother. Surely thats what families do, my parents have my bank account details and I have theirs for if we need to transfer money to each other. We have keys and alarm details for houses etc etc. You trust your family like you trust your partner and this is just as much if not more a betrayal than a partner having an affair.

There have been times when OH and I have been desperate for money, going down backs of sofas and collecting up the coppers to be able to get a packet of nappies or bottle of milk-part of the reason we ended up on MSE and thank god we did.

We could and could still now easily take out debt in either my parents or his, we could have cleared any other their accounts, but I would rather sell everything we own or if we HAD to we have borrowed money from them short term and paid it back asap by SO each month. It would never have even occurred to us to steal from our parents.

Thats being a family. Your brother is beyond belief. Sending you and your father a virtual hug, try to focus on each other and the small pleasures in life and let the "process" work its way through with the police etc.

Meanwhile I would say your Dad should consider changing his will (if not already done) to exclude the brother from anything, TBH I would consider the children of bro to have had "their" inheritance as well. But at the end of the day its your Dad's choice.

The only thing I would do differently to you OP is I would be going around to the brothers and having it out with him. You don't have to go alone, get the neices/nephews to go with you, or a good friend/other relative (even if they sit in the car outside).

At the moment he is simply lying through his teeth and has nothing to worry him.

If you really can't face him and he won't answer calls I would be texting him to tell him how badly he is effecting your Dad-he may just admit to something in a text as well and put his foot in it. If nothing else he may start to feel some guilt and discomfort.

Good Luck

Ali x

maurice28

How an earth could anyone blame the father for trusting his son? What a ridiculous view to have.

OP, I just wanted to lend my support as so many others have in this thread. I'm afraid the practical advice I can offer is very limited, but hope it helps knowing that people are thinking of you!

superflyguy1971

ALIBOBSY wrote: »

going around to the brothers and having it out with him.

I'm not so sure this is sound advice now that the police are involved. Although this process is frustratingly slow for you. I think it's best now that you continue to gather evidence, support your dad emotionally and distance yourself from your brother in case it hampers any future legal proceedings or money recovery.

We're all with you and here for you.

globetraveller

It is so sad that your dad can't live out his twilight years without all this heartbreak and worry. If he is anything like my dad, he will be more stressed with normal situations than he used to be, let alone this one. To be honest, if my dad( same age as yours) found that one of his children had been stealing from him, I would be beside myself with worry about his health. At this point, if I were you, I wouldn't want to go near my brother for fear that I might physically do something to him. The fact brother has not contacted you may mean he is ashamed, or something else might be happening. Could he be trying to hide any assets or pass them on to his children? Keep an eye on the properties for sale.
To be brutal- what happens if your dad were to pass away before the case concluded? Would it have to be dropped?
You have a remarkably tame heading for this thread. If he had borrowed it in good faith he would be doing something to clear it now.
Your nieces and nephews may not have been back in contact but may be worried about their own dad's state of mind. They may also be worried about other things you don't know about- perhaps they have been supporting dad more than you think. They may for instance, have actually be paying dad for their board after all. He may have a gambling addiction. Is there anything visible that would point to the £50k spend?
A close friend of mine used to be best friends with her brother but they no longer speak unless absolutely necessary. She has never told me exactly what led to this but has now learned that she can' t fret about it anymore. She just has to accept that he is no longer part of her life. In the long run, you will have to give yourself permission to do the same.
Finally, I know that you think things have dragged on with the police but its really not that long ago you approached them- it will certainly feel like it though. In the meantime you have continued to gather evidence so that should speed things up when they can really get going with it.
You have done really well to get as far as you have. It is a situation that may have been too daunting for others but you have been really strong in determination and action.
I hope that at least your dad can recover some of his money and that he can go back to enjoying his life again.

shinner

Just want to say what a lucky man your Dad is to have you. I hope your close family are looking after you. Hope you get somewhere soon. Take Care of you.

lottie3000

OP don't think that everyone judges because we don't. I think your Father did what most do and trust their children not to steal off them. The sad thing is if your Brother had asked for some help your Dad would of most probably helped. But he didn't ask he stole and he betrayed your father's trust.

I think your doing a fab job, I can imagine it's heartbreaking for everyone involved.

Massive hugs to you.

ALIBOBSY

superflyguy1971 wrote: »

I'm not so sure this is sound advice now that the police are involved. Although this process is frustratingly slow for you. I think it's best now that you continue to gather evidence, support your dad emotionally and distance yourself from your brother in case it hampers any future legal proceedings or money recovery.

We're all with you and here for you.

You do have a point there, mind you I doubt I would have waited this long I would have been around as soon as I found out. Then again I suspect I am younger and probably a lot louder than the OP and wouldn't have been able to keep stumm lol.

Such a sad story, best wishes to the OP and her Dad.

Ali x