Brother borrowed 20k without consent

NANANINANOONOO

ALIBOBSY wrote: »

You do have a point there, mind you I doubt I would have waited this long I would have been around as soon as I found out. Then again I suspect I am younger and probably a lot louder than the OP and wouldn't have been able to keep stumm lol.

Such a sad story, best wishes to the OP and her Dad.

Ali x

The problem initially was I could not in my heart believe my brother who I love and have always felt close to had done this, I hoped there was a mistake or an explanation. I then needed to see some positive evidence to be sure before I could consider confronting my brother with such a serious accusation.

When the evidence before us left no doubt it was far worse than we initially imagined and I frankly was an emotional wreck. As much as wanting to shout at my brother I also wanted to find a solution...to maybe salvage something for my dad including family relationships and to maybe help my brother redeem himself. Sadly my brother by refusing contact with anyone or to answer calls has made it painfully clear he has no care for dad or our close family bonds :0(

Frankly if it had been anyone else especially a stranger I feel sure I would have happilly & promptly ripped their head off despite my being 58 and female, with so many painful emotions in the mix it is very different.

ALIBOBSY

NANANINANOONOO wrote: »

The problem initially was I could not in my heart believe my brother who I love and have always felt close to had done this, I hoped there was a mistake or an explanation. I then needed to see some positive evidence to be sure before I could consider confronting my brother with such a serious accusation.

When the evidence before us left no doubt it was far worse than we initially imagined and I frankly was an emotional wreck. As much as wanting to shout at my brother I also wanted to find a solution...to maybe salvage something for my dad including family relationships and to maybe help my brother redeem himself. Sadly my brother by refusing contact with anyone or to answer calls has made it painfully clear he has no care for dad or our close family bonds :0(

Frankly if it had been anyone else especially a stranger I feel sure I would have happilly & promptly ripped their head off despite my being 58 and female, with so many painful emotions in the mix it is very different.

I absolutely understand, and I suppose at the end of the day although I think I would have been straight around to my sisters if she did something like this, I don't actually know. Only you are going through your situation. So no offence intended.

Good Luck

Ali x

NANANINANOONOO

ALIBOBSY wrote: »

I absolutely understand, and I suppose at the end of the day although I think I would have been straight around to my sisters if she did something like this, I don't actually know. Only you are going through your situation. So no offence intended.

Good Luck

Ali x

Absolutely no offence taken Ali everything people say on here is good for me to read and helps me get events into prospective, I dont take offence from anybodys comments and it actually helps dispel any lingering doubts I have regarding my thoughts and reactions when I explain them on here. I can see how it looks to others and know until this happened to me I would have had a different view on lots of it x

ALIBOBSY

I suppose in some ways if your bro at least contacted your Dad to say sorry or even give some kind of explanation, E.G Gambling or perhaps he borrowed intending to pay back and got more and more carried away till he was so far in he didn't know what to do it would at least help from an emotional POV-wouldn't get the money back know, but it would be something.

I bet in some ways its the betrayal which is worse.

Chin up.

Ali x

newbutold

I have just read through the entire thread. Have no advise to offer but couldn't read & not wish you & your Dad all the best. Must be truly heartbreaking for you & Dad.

As to the ones judging the Dad, please try to remember who has done wrong and who has been wronged. The OP's Dad has been wronged!!

AndyBSG

One other thought that springs to my mind on this.

While your brother taking the money he has is a deplorable act and something he should feel ashamed of, it may well be the case he's burying his head in the sand by ignoring you and your Dad because of that shame.

However, the money is one thing but at your fathers age this sort of thing could have a strong effect on his health.

In that respect, your brother's callousness truly knows no bounds to put his own father through that then cut off all contact.

While your brother is ignoring all contact, has their been any contact with his wife or further contact with his children? Are his children no longer seeing their grandfather? Do they have any concept of how their fathers actions could affect their grandfathers health?

runaroundpauper

NANANINANOONOO wrote: »

Well for those following this thread... we received some papers today and the full extent of my fathers ill founded trust in my brother is becoming more & more evident. My father has always worked hard and my mother always managed their finances, she was very frugal leaving my father with no need or concept of managing money or paying bills etc. so when she died he was a bit lost.

It was lazyness on dads part but he trusted my bro to handle his finances like our mum did so he has not kept a close eye on his money but I had no idea quite how much money my dad had or how much my bro had access to. Judging by the amounts that my bro has filtered from dads various accounts (now empty) dad has not monitored his accounts at all for the last five years and the figure missing is totting up to more than double the original 20k and it is 50k so far and may be worse.

A pattern has emerged whereby my bro has taken various amounts from different savings accounts each month paying less and less back until one by one in turn each account is has been emptied. My dad has basically only concentrated on his current account totally ablivious to whats has been happening to his other accounts, hence he has only discovered everything now because his final current account is empty.

Sadly my dad is not yet aware of the full extent that has been filtered and however niave and trusting he has been I am not sure that he can prove he did not know or consent to some of it. I am now just awaiting some copies of telephone conversation transcripts (that were clearly my brother posing as my dad) before confronting my brother :0(

He took money from his dad,he lied to the banks and didn't bother to tell any other siblings

4Chickens

I have read through and followed this thread on a daily basis and I am soooooo angry at the OPs brother I am spitting feathers.
However, I have been thinking a bit about the nephew and neice. And correct me if I'm wrong but there has been no further contact since the OP revealed what her brother has done to her father.
I would think that the nephew and neice have had a light bulb moment and realised that their gravy train is about to come off the rails.
Who do you think they are going protect/help?
A Grandad aka the victim
B Dad aka the thief
C Themselves aka beneficiaries to their fathers' finances

I would think that B and C are their top priorities now and I would worry that as we all know, money corrupts, they are going to support their Dad in anyway they can even if it means giving false statements etc.

I have no fast solution to this but it might not be a bad idea for the OP to get in touch with the nephew and neice again just for a social chit chat etc, not revealing anything about the situation as it is now but perhaps a little gentle sluething to find out the position of the brother.

If you let folks talk long enough they reveal all sorts of stuff.

What do you think?

OP: My fingers are crossed that you get this resolved and even though it's likely to be a long process, you have our support and best wishes here

AMILLIONDOLLARS

Saying sorry is the hardest thing in the world, in this case its equal to the amount of money involved, the lost of family relationships and his self respect and more. Would you want to face your family and the outside world if this had been you? It will be no consolation but in time he will have to face you all, but first he needs to face himself.

Get the legal part over and done with, then if you feel you want to offer the Olive Branch.

AMD

NANANINANOONOO

AndyBSG wrote: »

One other thought that springs to my mind on this.

While your brother taking the money he has is a deplorable act and something he should feel ashamed of, it may well be the case he's burying his head in the sand by ignoring you and your Dad because of that shame.

However, the money is one thing but at your fathers age this sort of thing could have a strong effect on his health.

In that respect, your brother's callousness truly knows no bounds to put his own father through that then cut off all contact.

While your brother is ignoring all contact, has their been any contact with his wife or further contact with his children? Are his children no longer seeing their grandfather? Do they have any concept of how their fathers actions could affect their grandfathers health?

I have wondered if it is shame that caused him to ignore dad & I initially but he must know the impact this whole thing is having on dad. I can find no plausable excuse for him to allow this lack of contact to continue which is extremely cold hearted & cruel to a father who has only ever shown him respect and kindness.

My brothers children have also cut off communication with there grandfather, which totally baffles me. My father poured his heart to all three of them in a heartbreaking letter explaining everything & how lost & broken he felt - yet following this one of my nephews visited his grandfather but spoke only of his concern for his own and his siblings potential losses and even tried to guilt trip my dad into letting it all go unreported, dad has heard nothing from any of them since.

I am astounded and disgusted that none of them have shown an iota of concern about dads health :0(