Brother borrowed 20k without consent

pink_princess

I just wanted to offer a huge hug to you x

We went through this as a family 6 years ago. It was and continues to be a subject that divides us. It is heartbreaking to watch somebody that has worked hard and provided for their family for over 60 years now worry that they can't support themself.

Be strong for your Dad and allow him to make the choice on if to prosecute or not. He doesn't need the added pressure of it being done against his wishes.

Your brother needs to man up though. He needs to acknowledge the mess he is in and set up a payment plan with your Dad, even just fifty a month.

My thoughts are with you, awful lose, lose situation x x

pink_princess

McClane54 wrote: »

YOU NEED TO REPORT THIS TO THE POLICE!!

if you love your dad you will !

To suggest the op doesn't love her Dad is ridiculous!

bargainbetty

NANANINANOONOO wrote: »

Today my poor dad was asking me to sell his books and golf clubs to raise some cash for him....

My brother has three grown up children in therir 20's two have very good jobs and still live rent free at his home & dad is worried about letting them know what has happened.

NANANINANOONOO wrote: »

OK, Sounds like your brother needs to have a chat with his children about them starting to pay a reasonable sum towards housekeeping. He has been funding them and their lifestyles to a point where he has done something incredibly stupid. Each one can be asked for either a third or two-fifths of their take-home pay each month, set up into an account. They will still be living well under the disposable income threshold that most of us have!

Your father should get half of this money every month. If the kids are grown up and maybe moving out soon, then your brother can downsize and repay the sum more substantially.

They don't have to know at this point. They just need to know that Bank of Dad has gone out of business and they are welcome to join the world of grown-ups. If your father really is set on telling them, then you need to have the evidence together first, and give your brother time to set up a repayment structure. It will make it easier for them to hear it if they also hear that he has started to fix it.

Doe your brother have golf clubs, books etc? What is he selling to help your Dad out?

hoggums

If you don't want to involve the police then I would suggest your father alters his will so that your brother gets a minimum £20K less than you from the estate.

If you are able to, I would suggest lending him the 20K yourself and get him to give you that back in his will. You dad is then no worse off and you'll get your money back eventually.

fed_up_and_stressed

hoggums wrote: »

If you don't want to involve the police then I would suggest your father alters his will so that your brother gets a minimum £20K less than you from the estate.

If you are able to, I would suggest lending him the 20K yourself and get him to give you that back in his will. You dad is then no worse off and you'll get your money back eventually.

It sounds though as if the son has stolen virtually every penny from the father so there wont be anything for him to distribute to anyone via his estate also this lets the thief off scot free.

BurnleyBob

Good_Goose wrote: »

What bargainbetty says is absolutely spot on.

If my children stole my life savings from me they would be disowned and would be facing the full force of the law.

A former neighbour, a widowed 70-year-old, was swindled out of her home by her grasping daughter who had convinced her to gift it to her as a safeguard against having it sold to pay for care home fees if she ever fell ill. She put it on the market and was quite prepared to make her homeless. Her siblings, two brothers, saved the day by securing a mortgage for it to pay her off.

Astonishingly, the mother forgave the daughter to resume playing happy families with her and her clan which is so outraged the sons that they ceased contact with both of them.

The OP's brother deserves a good thrashing and a spell in clink for that level of deceit unless he makes amends by putting his father a country mile in front of his other creditors.

NANANINANOONOO

pauletruth wrote: »

personally i would report him. if he was convicted then at least your dad has a chance of recovering something. at the moment your brother would be a fool to agree to anything. have you had a chat with this brother.

I havent spoken to my brother yet & he doesnt know I know about it. I am helping guide dad gather information to see exactly whats happened & to help him safeguard his accounts as he has no techno knowledge. I feel I need to let dad make his own decisions and bide my time until I am armed with some clear facts to back me up I cannot bear to hear my brother squirm and lie about all this when I do confront him. Words cannot describe how angry and dissapointed in him I am, I want to make sure my anger does not make matters worse, I need to give my brother a chance to voluntarilly do the right thing for my dads sake.

NANANINANOONOO

hoggums wrote: »

If you don't want to involve the police then I would suggest your father alters his will so that your brother gets a minimum £20K less than you from the estate.

If you are able to, I would suggest lending him the 20K yourself and get him to give you that back in his will. You dad is then no worse off and you'll get your money back eventually.

My husband is retired & in poor health & I am disabled, sadly we are not in a financial position to replace my fathers nest egg for him but of course we will without question support him in every way we can.

pops5588

OP, you are right this may cause a big family rift. Hopefully your neices and nephews will see the situation for what it is and be on your side of that divide, but no matter what happens please do not blame yourself. This situation was not created by anyone but your brother.

Wishing you all lots of luck. Still think he deserves to rot in jail but that's just me

x

NANANINANOONOO

Please excuse me for thinking out loud but I just need to get these thoughts off my chest whilst waiting for evidence of the paper trail and before confronting my brother about any of it. It is all speculation but in my head things are becoming even worse than my father & I had imagined.

I have pondered over everything & the responses on here and it has now occured to me that if my brother has serious debts he may well have many creditors hounding him for copious amounts of money. This is evident if he needed to use the two lots of 10k to pay credit cards back in 2011 and he still has no money today. I now have no doubt my brothers finances have got progressively worse and I assume he is burying his head over it all whilst keeping up a pretence of being afluent.

Any hopeful thoughts I had of him selling his vehicle to pay my father at least something are fading fast, I am now guessing he may be thinking my father does not need money for anything specific so he is the least of his worries & will probably choose or be forced to pay any bigger pressing debts before my father anyway.

I dont know how organisations collect large debts that are not being paid or how they seize property but I am wondering what will happen if my brother is about to loose everything. It may be too late to set up a payment plan with people & if his home and assets are seized I guess my father is sadly pretty much stuffed. I feel I must pre warn dad but I am worried what this realisation may do to him as he has felt hopeful that he may be able to get a couple of thousand back if we can persuade my brother to sell his car.

The waiting is very difficult but until we receive facts from the shares company I dare not approach him. I dont understand why copies of the share documents cannot be sent with more urgency. I can see our close family are going to blown appart by all this whatever the outcome.