Divorced for being too money saving!

Jagraf

My mum always took sachets home - the price of them is accounted for in the price of a meal, obviously, so why not?

I do the same.

margaretclare

audigex wrote: »

I don't think too much money saving can end a marriage/relationship, but vastly different attitudes towards it can.

I think that either way there has to be a limit - one can't spend without restriction, or it puts the family at risk.... but at the same time, bringing sugar home from a restaurant is potentially embarrassing. I wouldn't want my friends or colleagues seeing my partner taking home sugar.

Image is important to people, and particularly men can feel very small if it appears to their friends/family/colleagues that they can't take care of their family financially. Right or wrong, there's still a divide in the expectation of family roles.

I have two approaches in relationships

1) Both have their own account and pay a fixed (but not necessarily equal) amount into a "shared expenses" account which pays the bills and joint treats etc. Both also have their own account for spending etc. this works very well if both partners are on similar incomes, and you can adjust the proportion both pay in to keep it reasonably fair.

2) All money is paid into a joint account and budgeted out, including a certain amount of allowance/spending money for both partners for treats etc. Spending out of the joint account should be required/justified, and significant spending should be agreed on... but whatever's in your own account is your own concern.

#1 works well in earlier stages of a relationship, and I found it answered well when living with my (now ex) girlfriend. #2 probably suits most families better, as more of the expense is shared

At the end of the day, though, it's about finding a sensible middle ground that you both agree on. My current girlfriend earns significantly less than me and is far more of a spender, so it can be a cause of friction... but if you work out the limits, that friction never becomes a spark.

(1) above is what we do. As pensioners, obviously we each have our own pensions money and it's paid into our own bank accounts. We pay into the joint account every month and this covers everything 'joint' i.e. the household expenses, utilities, council tax, car expenses, anything that we both use. Food is separate and we share that.

We don't pick up sachets from restaurants and we don't take food abroad. Eating foreign food is part of the fun of a foreign holiday, as is trying to speak a bit of the language. DH never learned French, but even he can ask for the 'plat du jour' if we stop to eat.

One of DH's earlier marriages foundered on money issues, although that wasn't the only thing.

Myself, I've found that men are very easy to deal with. Mostly, they like a quiet life, so I can understand the idea of her at home keeping the house clean and a meal on the table. It would never have been my idea of life though - too busy earning a living for us and too much going on outside the home. It seems to be that men need kindness more than anything. I've recently heard of a desperately-sad break-up involving the Dad of 3-year-old twins. I haven't any of the details, but it seems he was expected to 'do this, do that, you haven't done...' etc and what he tried to do was never appreciated. No relationship can survive where one person constantly belittles the other.

King_Nothing

Pretty old thread, but I love the fact the OP had to state to everyone first that she was gorgeous, that probably tells you more about why the marriage failed rather than scrimping and saving, sounds quite narcissistic.

heartbreak_star

King_Nothing wrote: »

Pretty old thread, but I love the fact the OP had to state to everyone first that she was gorgeous, that probably tells you more about why the marriage failed rather than scrimping and saving, sounds quite narcissistic.

And said it again at the end of the post

HBS x

massive183

you save money where u can a odd packet of sugar should never be a issue, i try to save all the time and do surveys etc to boost any income to help out as my outgoings are very tight at moment.

Saving money is a good thing and for him to split up over that is just a joke.

Samsonite1

There is more than one side to every coin!

HoneyOnThePavement

Thank you guys for posting all these! I read and think, think of saving my marriage... thank you...

micky2phones

Shellie_Squirrel wrote: »

I'm a gorgeous 42 year old money saving Mum to twins that are just over 2.

My Ex divorced me for being 'too money saving' and put about me bringing home sugar sachets from restaurants in his divorce petition! Well, that made both me and my solicitor laugh!

So to all you Dads out there...is being too money saving a bad thing? I really didn't think it was as it's how I've been brought up with parents that were on rations in the war!

I never let my ex or I go without any luxuries, treats or nice holidays. I was just savvy and careful with our money where I could be.

Thought this might be an interesting conversation! lol!

...and if there's any single tall, dark, handsome money saving Dads out there....who would value a money saving, savvy gorgeous girlfriend...then please get in touch.

Michelle

Hi, A bad thing NO