I've failed

wiggywoo9

I don't know why I bother. Obviously I'm just going to be a useless, jobless layabout on benefits for the whole of my life. Why should I even keep going? What is the point being here anymore?

I just finished university. I had no gaps, I passed with everyone else my age. I'm 21. I was pregnant the first year, abandoned 2 weeks in by my long-term partner, first love ever. I did that alone. I did the 2 following years, with a baby, then as he grew to a toddler. 5am starts for 3 years, battling PND, travelling a 40-mile round trip. Homeless 7 months ago with my son because of my family.

I finally got my own place. Crappy, highest floor, stairs nightmare, bugs in flat, no money. Managed that.

But now? Why? What the hell is the point in doing anything? I'm desperate to work, I don't enjoy being at home all the time. I got a crappy 2.2, keep having to explain for that- trouble at home, too many issues, but least I did it. But can't pass my GCSE maths. Got a D, tried 3 times, no luck. I went for an adult education test today to get onto to the maths GCSE course, but guess what, so crap at it and everything else, failed. needed 23/30 to get on. I got a 10.

So now my dream of ever teaching has gone. not gonna get a job with that either. life is over. all I want to do is teach english, to share my passion, to be in the school. all I wanted to do since I was 14. i'm a lone parent. I have no friends, poor prospects, i'm all my 2 year old boy has got, I just want to say yes I did it, I got a mortgage, good job, i'm alone but i'm doing it. i'm living.

I just feel like my life prospects have gone now, wiped by some silly qualification that isn't even relevant to my subject! I just want to teach! I'm yearning for it, its what I want to do, and it feels like a big wall has come down, resigning me to the reject pile. What am I supposed to do now? In 2 years he'll be off to school and I'll be such a bad example & influence without any future, anything to offer him. Its all on me- if I don't do it or make it, that's it. There's no super dad with a great job, to help buy a home or support in anything. It's me and I'm struggling with the pressure.

my sons better off with his nan, what can I ever give him? no permanent home, no job, I only had one relationship, i'm fat, i'm not worth having here. there is no point anymore. theres no one to dry these tears.

aileth

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through such a rough patch and didnt want to read and run *hugs*.

Read your sig to yourself like a mantra!!!

HPoirot

Surely you have achieved all that, not to give up now? Please look for other jobs to apply with your degree, I understand that your aim is to teach but we do not always enter our dream career fresh out of uni. You might have a couple of years under your belt in another career before you attempt to teach again. Do not be disheartened.

daisiegg

Firstly, you haven't 'failed' - look how much you have achieved. You have listed loads of incredible things that you should be proud of; you have overcome lots of hardship to get where you are now, so well done. A 2:2 is not 'crappy', particularly under your circumstances.

On a practical perspective, is it worth looking at working in a school in other ways - maybe becoming a teaching assistant? I'm not sure there is much getting around the maths thing (it's not just GCSE maths, you also have to pass another maths test to be a teacher). Not trying to be harsh but just stating the facts. Sometimes I think being a teaching assistant looks great - you get the pleasure of being in the classroom, with the students, helping and making a difference...without the stress, paperwork, marking, and accountability of being a teacher. Trust me, it is not a great time to be a teacher, and especially not an English teacher (I am one).

Maybe think about what actually attracts you to teaching. I'm assuming you have done quite a bit of experience in a school to know that you want to do it so badly? So think about what you enjoyed, and figure out how you might be able to get that in another job or even another aspect of your life. As I said, being a teaching assistant might be a good idea if it is being in a classroom and being with students that you love. If you are also passionate about exploring literature (though believe me there is actually very little of that in being an English teacher!) you might be able to fulfil that need through joining/starting a book club?

Best of luck to you and I really hope you feel better soon. I know the world must look very black right now but think about all you have achieved and your lovely child, who will look back and be so proud of you for overcoming so much to be an amazing mum.

shelley_crow

You are your son's world, no amount of fancy jobs, fancy houses or money would make your son think more of you. Your son won't care if you have a mortgage, a string of letters after your name anything, children take things as they see them.

Life seems to throw everything at you in one go. You've finished uni, have a stable home and a son who loves you. It doesn't sound like you have a lot of support, get down to a childrens centre and ask for some. It doesn't make you a failure, you are only human like everyone else. It's hard to see when the poo hits the fan but you are doing everything right.

hot.chick

Your life isn't over because you don't have a MATH GCSE - either keep trying or look at other options, you've done so much on your own two feet, why give up now?

Continue to be a good example to your son, show him that set backs aren't an excuse to give up on your dreams

dotchas

Qualifications are not the end of the world. You have your precious son and have gone through some traumatic times recently. But you have survived! Be proud of yourself. You and your son are whats important, he loves you and needs his Mum. Step back a bit and be kind to yourself. You are young and will have more opportunities to come I promise. For now you have your lovely wee boy and your health, a home and food on the table, there is time for everything else. Enjoy being a Mum. Hugs xxx

Funky_Bold_Ribena

You may well be completely useless but I can assure you that lad thinks the sun shines out of your bum.

You are 21 and want to teach, i can understand that...it took me years [and I'm 45 and am only just qualifying] so I get you. But honest to god - life does not end because you don't get to do what you want to do right out of uni.

AlexLK

Wiggywoo: Have you thought about tutoring to bring some money in? You could also do ESOL or maybe even look at teaching English as a foreign language abroad, if that is your sort of thing?

meritaten

wiggy - you have achieved so much and love - you have done it to make a better life for yourself and your child. right now because of this one thing you are feeling a failure. Well, you aren't!


I am wondering if the fact you're failing maths isn't down to being number dyslexic. I didn't get arithmetic in school - maths was a complete mystery. until much later in life (40s) , on one course the tutor realised I was number dyslexic! with his help I found maths easy! once I knew how to tackle it. look for help with number dyslexia hun.
You are an amazing person - but, perhaps you need help tailoring your CV to your strengths? it isn't just the 'academic' sections which are important. you have done extremely well with the rotten hand you were given!

If I was a HR manager hearing this - I would give you a chance - you sound like a hard worker and willing to do whatever it takes to get on in life. don't give up - there IS an employer out there who will see your worth.

lulu650

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

......I got a crappy 2.2, keep having to explain for that- trouble at home, too many issues, but least I did it. But can't pass my GCSE maths. Got a D, tried 3 times, no luck. I went for an adult education test today to get onto to the maths GCSE course, but guess what, so crap at it and everything else, failed. needed 23/30 to get on. I got a 10.

So now my dream of ever teaching has gone......

Hi wiggywoo. Join the club of those who were brilliant enough to get a 2:2. Achieved mine in my 40s and felt really proud of myself especially as I had left school with the equivalent of two GCSEs at Grade B. After failing GCSE Maths twice, got it the third time, again in my 40s, and got into teaching.

The only way I managed to get my GCSE Maths was by becoming a teaching assistant in a secondary school and by having to sit in with regular maths classes. I couldn't even understand some of the year 7 classes at first!!

If you got Grade D, then you can get Grade C. I think you probably needed some coaching before trying the adult education test. Can you find out from the college what you need to do to get on?

Not everything in life happens when you want it to. I echo daisiegg's advice. Try being a teaching assistant. At the very least it will give the prior experience you may need when you eventually get onto a teaching course.

If not, try for something completely different.

Give yourself a break though. Loads of us struggle in different ways.