Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

7roland8

You go and enjoy time with your parents tomorrow - and relax.

Yes cooking is great fun for kids, even crispy crunchies with Rice Crispies and melted chocolate - or decorate bought biscuits with icing or chocolate and lots of sprinkles - lots of fun for kids. - and even my hubby makes his own bread.

AlexLK

Roland: Thank you. I don't think I'll be able to sleep much tonight but hopefully it won't be too bad.

Oh my, I remember Rice Crispies and melted chocolate from my childhood! I know my son would enjoy anything that gets him messy so much, we will certainly give some recipes a try.

As for home made bread, you are making me VERY green eyed right now, the last time I had proper home made bread was when I was a child at a friends house.

ETA: Sorry about my writing this evening.

fc123

AlexLK wrote: »

Thank you everybody.


Not had a very good evening, in fact I've only just come in from being sat in the garden, OK Mrs. K. dragged me in.

This could be a good moment to look at any triggers....could help plan for the future.

Was the panic attack partly prompted by the criticism you got yesterday for the opinions you posted? Sort of.........you felt somewhat 'attacked' and it made you feel a 'bad person'?

With this mode of communication everything about us is stripped bare. No one can see anyone, there are no visible 'status symbols', no distraction on how someone looks, you have no idea who anyone is sitting at their keyboard chatting away.......some could even be sat there in just a pair of old underpants.:)


If you 'walk' around the whole site, there are so many differing viewpoints and I have seen some really harsh personal attacks on people who have posted for benefits or bankruptcy advice. But it's just their view and if I feel it's bad form or out of order I don't continue reading.

You said what you thought, it was challenged and you realised that maybe your view wasn't entirely appropriate in the circumstances.

Sure, we are 'digging' you out a bit but I do feel it's helpful sometimes to see things from another viewpoint.

CB stops now if just one person in the household earns 50k+.

PippiShortsock

I've read the whole of this thread today and found the battles you've faced up to over the last three weeks utterly compelling reading. You've laid yourself pretty bare in the posts and you've obviously faced up to a huge amount of change in a very short time in an attempt to sort out your financial, domestic and mental health situations.

I'm not at all surprised you succumbed to a full-blown panic attack today. Your mind is under a significant amount of stress and for anyone who is blessed/cursed with both intelligence and sensitivity that's always going to be a particular challenge. Of course you deserve the help you were given. And, with help, you will also succeed in exhibiting the restraint you need to face up to your debts. But you need to have the courage in your real day-to-day life to ask for that help - as you have been able to do here in this virtual environment where I think you feel a bit more safe.

I'm no professional in mental health, so this may be a whole heap of rubbish, but it strikes me that you've suffered a lot from what you probably saw as rejection from other people throughout your life. I think this could explain the wariness with which you view the new people whom your son will get to know at nursery. You saw little of your parents during your childhood as their work came first; your wife regularly walks out when you express your feelings and admit to what you both consider to be your failings; your in-laws' barbed comments undermine you; your parents stopped talking to you (!) when your behaviour with money did not meet their expectations. For someone sensitive - and most musicians I know are pretty sensitive - these types of behaviour are likely to seriously reinforce a lack of self-esteem.

On the other hand, your material possessions don't desert you or judge you. They reflect back to you the few things that you actually like about yourself - your sense of style and good taste, cultural and technical expertise, and perceived financial value. I think there is more that connects you to the hoarders on those TV programmes than you might think. Most of them exhibited an emotional attachment to material possessions because they had been let down in some way in their personal relationships and needed to erect walls between themselves and the pain that resulted. That's a hard nut to crack and it might take quite a bit of therapy (of whatever kind) to crack it, but if you ask for help with it with the same sense of honesty you've exhibited here I'm sure you will be able to deal with it. I wish you all the luck in the world in doing so.

fc123

PippiShortsock wrote: »

On the other hand, your material possessions don't desert you or judge you. They reflect back to you the few things that you actually like about yourself - your sense of style and good taste, cultural and technical expertise, and perceived financial value. I think there is more that connects you to the hoarders on those TV programmes than you might think.

Most of them exhibited an emotional attachment to material possessions because they had been let down in some way in their personal relationships and needed to erect walls between themselves and the pain that resulted.

That's a hard nut to crack and it might take quite a bit of therapy (of whatever kind) to crack it, but if you ask for help with it with the same sense of honesty you've exhibited here I'm sure you will be able to deal with it. I wish you all the luck in the world in doing so.

Fab post.

AlexLK

fc123 wrote: »

This could be a good moment to look at any triggers....could help plan for the future.

Was the panic attack partly prompted by the criticism you got yesterday for the opinions you posted? Sort of.........you felt somewhat 'attacked' and it made you feel a 'bad person'?

In part, yes. I suppose it was the "final straw" and yes, I feel a horrible person now for having those views in the first place. However, there has also been a lot going on these past couple of weeks. In truth I am really struggling to cope with everything and have a very hectic week coming up with nothing I can avoid.

fc123 wrote: »

With this mode of communication everything about us is stripped bare. No one can see anyone, there are no visible 'status symbols', no distraction on how someone looks, you have no idea who anyone is sitting at their keyboard chatting away.......some could even be sat there in just a pair of old underpants.:)

:rotfl: Well, you've put a smile on my face with this paragraph.

fc123 wrote: »

If you 'walk' around the whole site, there are so many differing viewpoints and I have seen some really harsh personal attacks on people who have posted for benefits or bankruptcy advice. But it's just their view and if I feel it's bad form or out of order I don't continue reading.

You said what you thought, it was challenged and you realised that maybe your view wasn't entirely appropriate in the circumstances.

Sure, we are 'digging' you out a bit but I do feel it's helpful sometimes to see things from another viewpoint.

CB stops now if just one person in the household earns 50k+.

I have contributed a number of posts on different boards and had not noticed personal attacks or anything of the sort.

It's alright.

We shall still get CB then, unless Mrs. K. does move to the new company. Why I'm getting myself wound up about that, I've no idea after all that's not really anything to do with me (wife's work).

AlexLK

PippiShortsock wrote: »

I've read the whole of this thread today and found the battles you've faced up to over the last three weeks utterly compelling reading. You've laid yourself pretty bare in the posts and you've obviously faced up to a huge amount of change in a very short time in an attempt to sort out your financial, domestic and mental health situations.

Thank you, in trying to be honest about the debt / money / spending problems, I have said a lot more than I originally intended. In fact, there have been times where I've read back my posts and been rather ashamed I've said so much.:o

PippiShortsock wrote: »

I'm not at all surprised you succumbed to a full-blown panic attack today. Your mind is under a significant amount of stress and for anyone who is blessed/cursed with both intelligence and sensitivity that's always going to be a particular challenge. Of course you deserve the help you were given. And, with help, you will also succeed in exhibiting the restraint you need to face up to your debts. But you need to have the courage in your real day-to-day life to ask for that help - as you have been able to do here in this virtual environment where I think you feel a bit more safe.

I hope so and yes, it's very easy to say things on here that one would most likely think twice about admitting face to face with somebody else.

PippiShortsock wrote: »

I'm no professional in mental health, so this may be a whole heap of rubbish, but it strikes me that you've suffered a lot from what you probably saw as rejection from other people throughout your life. I think this could explain the wariness with which you view the new people whom your son will get to know at nursery. You saw little of your parents during your childhood as their work came first; your wife regularly walks out when you express your feelings and admit to what you both consider to be your failings; your in-laws' barbed comments undermine you; your parents stopped talking to you (!) when your behaviour with money did not meet their expectations. For someone sensitive - and most musicians I know are pretty sensitive - these types of behaviour are likely to seriously reinforce a lack of self-esteem.

I understand what you are saying. Yes, I don't want my son to get hurt and I want to be here for him throughout his childhood (and life if he wants me to be when he is older). My parents and I have reconciled now.

PippiShortsock wrote: »

On the other hand, your material possessions don't desert you or judge you. They reflect back to you the few things that you actually like about yourself - your sense of style and good taste, cultural and technical expertise, and perceived financial value. I think there is more that connects you to the hoarders on those TV programmes than you might think. Most of them exhibited an emotional attachment to material possessions because they had been let down in some way in their personal relationships and needed to erect walls between themselves and the pain that resulted. That's a hard nut to crack and it might take quite a bit of therapy (of whatever kind) to crack it, but if you ask for help with it with the same sense of honesty you've exhibited here I'm sure you will be able to deal with it. I wish you all the luck in the world in doing so.

At first when I read this post, my initial reaction was "no this is not me". However, being truthful I certainly see your point and thank you for wishing me luck in the future.

heartbreak_star

fc123 wrote: »

.......some could even be sat there in just a pair of old underpants.:)

Crap. I've been rumbled

Not much to say that hasn't already been said, Alex...good luck with the cakes though, hope they are tasty!

HBS x

AlexLK

HBS: Not sure about tasty at this stage, we would be happy with edible and for them to not give us food poisoning! Wife has said I must stop being such a "perfectionist" but yes, I'll secretly be annoyed if they don't taste nice and look misshapen.

Orange_Ena

Evening Alex.

Chin up eh. When you think about, its still really early days in your transformation from overspender to debt buster! You can do this!

Just a quick little story about judging people and where they live.......

When I was a papergirl (a few years ago now!), my round was 4 roads. 2 were privately owned in an ok, nice ish area, and 2 were council house roads. By far the most generous, friendly and warm people were the ones who lived in the council house roads. At Christmas, my best tips and gifts came from those roads and they were a lovely bunch of down to earth people. Some of the ones in the private roads were tight and rather unfriendly.

I've got a really easy recipe for you to try too...............chocolate brownies.

The recipe is in cup measures and if you haven't got cups, 1 cup = 125g

1.25 cups of flour
2 cups of caster sugar
0.75 cup cocoa powder
3 medium eggs
1 cup of butter / margarine

Throw it all in a bowl, mix well and put in a greased tin. Bake until its slightly firm (but still looks a little wet) then remove from oven and leave to cool. Its should be nice a gooey. I usually put it in the fridge over night and it just firms it up a bit. Don't overcook it, it'll look dry and taste a bit dry. Its so easy to make and oh so delicious.