Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

wegle

Do you want your son to grow up with some of the same attitudes that you currently have towards other sections of society? You quite easily insinuated that you believe all single mothers in their early 20s with children by different fathers are not worthy people. How can you tell unless you talk to them and find out about them. If once you do and they actually give you a concrete reason to think they won't be a good influence in your son, then is when you can decide if you want your son to be part of that. Sounds like your son is a pretty confident and friendly young boy. I'd hate him to turn into the sort of person I was plagued by when I was at school.

All that being said, I've got to commend you for still going ahead despite your reservations. There was probably a time, not long ago, when you would have walked in there and then straight back out, so you're growing everyday Alex. Always remember, treat other people how you would like to be treated. You won't go far wrong in life if you stick to that.

wegle

AlexLK wrote: »

I am aware that not all the children will be from "trailer trash" backgrounds.

Personally, I do not wish to talk to the others for our family to be labelled anything derogatory - I was trying to do my son a favour by being as less involved as possible.

This is where you shoot yourself in the foot Alex. You don't want to talk to the others for your family to be labelled anything derogatory but yet you are more than comfortable to heap that exact behaviour upon other people. People will only label you something bad if you behave in a bad way. If you are nice, friendly and non judgemental then people will probably label you as that nice new family with the lovely little boy who got stuck straight in.

theoretica

I assure you it is very unlikely little K will develop aspirations to become an unemployed single mother - though he may rather covet their nice coloured plastic things from Ikea. :rotfl:

I think it very likely that many of the parents you are concerned about are rather happier in their lives than you are with yours at present.

EchoDelta

Glad that your little boy had a good time.

But wow really?! I'm sorry but your attitude towards other people has made me feel sad and !!!!ed off in equal measure. There are young women there who *gasp* have children by more than one father?! How terrible?! Why on earth do you think that makes their children in any way unsuitable to share space and toys with your son? You know nothing about them but you won't talk to them and instead just sneer. How would you like to be judged and found wanting? "Oh I won't talk to him or his little boy, he's got debt problems, can't control himself in the shops and drinks too much. Best not let my kid mix with his". Pretty !!!!!! huh? That's what you seem to be doing.

You are obviously a clever man. You're highly educated. You write in such an entertaining way. BUT you seem so blinkered about people. Up thread you thought everyone in debt just bought too much stuff. Down a bit further and people who live in social housing are inferior.

I think it would do you good to get to know other people. Maybe broaden your horizons a bit.

AlexLK

Pingu2 wrote: »

The more I read the :mad: I get. Just what do you expect your almost 3 year old to 'achieve' pre -school? I would have thought a happy disposition, the ability to communicate, age appropriate manners and not to wet himself too often, would be your starter for 10. You are at risk of becoming a helicopter parent.........the worst kind of parenting in my view - professional opinion.

Single parents with children from multiple partners........... I could almost hear the sneer in your post.You need a dose of RL Mr K and possibly Mrs K from what I have read so far.

Live in a house that is too small for you.........how many double/triple wardrobes do you have stuffed with trinkets and clothes you never use, in that SPARE room? If it was a social housing property and it was a spare room and you had to claim benefits you would actually be having benefits taken off you for having a spare room...think about it. Maybe you ought to do some voluntary work helping those less fortunate than your self.

I live in a large house in rural,mountainous beautiful location (never felt the need for a Land Rover - have learnt to drive in the snow which is pretty much guaranteed every year.) My OH and I are university educated as are our children and a we both have well paid jobs. I have no experience of living on benefits or being a single parent so no axe to grind.

Do you have a full length mirror in your spare room Mr K? Take a good long look at yourself in it. I wish you well in your marriage health and debt freedom quest. I am out of here

All I want is the best for my son as I am sure every parent does.

I am not sure what you are wishing to achieve by slating my choice of home and car, as well as insinuating I am conceited.

wegle wrote: »

Do you want your son to grow up with some of the same attitudes that you currently have towards other sections of society? You quite easily insinuated that you believe all single mothers in their early 20s with children by different fathers are not worthy people. How can you tell unless you talk to them and find out about them. If once you do and they actually give you a concrete reason to think they won't be a good influence in your son, then is when you can decide if you want your son to be part of that. Sounds like your son is a pretty confident and friendly young boy. I'd hate him to turn into the sort of person I was plagued by when I was at school.

All that being said, I've got to commend you for still going ahead despite your reservations. There was probably a time, not long ago, when you would have walked in there and then straight back out, so you're growing everyday Alex. Always remember, treat other people how you would like to be treated. You won't go far wrong in life if you stick to that.

wegle wrote: »

This is where you shoot yourself in the foot Alex. You don't want to talk to the others for your family to be labelled anything derogatory but yet you are more than comfortable to heap that exact behaviour upon other people. People will only label you something bad if you behave in a bad way. If you are nice, friendly and non judgemental then people will probably label you as that nice new family with the lovely little boy who got stuck straight in.

I did not mean to come across as judgemental or as a snob, though I do see how my comments could have been read. I just don't want my son being sucked into a bad crowd from an early age. Both Mrs. K. and I find ourselves concerned, that is all.

By the same token, I have found myself the subject of other peoples gossip before, hence not wanting to initially talk to others for fear of my son being labelled.

Our son is very happy and confident and I have no ambitions to try and turn him into either a snob or a bully, all I want is for him to be happy.

AlexLK

theoretica wrote: »

I assure you it is very unlikely little K will develop aspirations to become an unemployed single mother - though he may rather covet their nice coloured plastic things from Ikea. :rotfl:

I think it very likely that many of the parents you are concerned about are rather happier in their lives than you are with yours at present.

:rotfl: I'm not sure which is worse .... ;)

You are most likely right.

EchoDelta wrote: »

Glad that your little boy had a good time.

But wow really?! I'm sorry but your attitude towards other people has made me feel sad and !!!!ed off in equal measure. There are young women there who *gasp* have children by more than one father?! How terrible?! Why on earth do you think that makes their children in any way unsuitable to share space and toys with your son? You know nothing about them but you won't talk to them and instead just sneer. How would you like to be judged and found wanting? "Oh I won't talk to him or his little boy, he's got debt problems, can't control himself in the shops and drinks too much. Best not let my kid mix with his". Pretty !!!!!! huh? That's what you seem to be doing.

You are obviously a clever man. You're highly educated. You write in such an entertaining way. BUT you seem so blinkered about people. Up thread you thought everyone in debt just bought too much stuff. Down a bit further and people who live in social housing are inferior.

I think it would do you good to get to know other people. Maybe broaden your horizons a bit.

I'm sorry I didn't mean to insinuate anybody was inferior. I really do just want the best for my son.

And no, I certainly wouldn't be pleased if somebody said such things about me.

EchoDelta

Bad crowds aren't as easy to identify as all that though. Eg as a teenager the person I went drinking with and took drugs with was the daughter of an accountant who lived in a very nice house indeed. One of the most sadistic and nasty boys I ever knew was the vicar's son. My most loyal friend who helped me through a lot of crap was from a "broken home", her mum was skint and she lived in the rough bit of town....

Can I recommend a book to you? "Protecting the Gift" by Gavin de Becker. How to help protect our children as they grow up. Includes stuff re friends and bullies etc. I think you might like it.

EchoDelta

Cross posted with you there.

Maybe have a think about what "the best" is. Is it really being in the top 10% at school or being happy in his own skin.

Btw congratulations on reaching the awkward creditor. Forgot to say that through the red mist of rage earlier

AlexLK

EchoDelta wrote: »

Bad crowds aren't as easy to identify as all that though. Eg as a teenager the person I went drinking with and took drugs with was the daughter of an accountant who lived in a very nice house indeed. One of the most sadistic and nasty boys I ever knew was the vicar's son. My most loyal friend who helped me through a lot of crap was from a "broken home", her mum was skint and she lived in the rough bit of town....

Can I recommend a book to you? "Protecting the Gift" by Gavin de Becker. How to help protect our children as they grow up. Includes stuff re friends and bullies etc. I think you might like it.

There was drinking going on (I don't remember drug taking but that may have been the fact I was a day pupil) at my school. So, yes I am aware it is not as simple as from what home one has come from.

Will definitely have a read of the book . I've enjoyed other peoples book recommendations on here thus far.

EchoDelta wrote: »

Cross posted with you there.

Maybe have a think about what "the best" is. Is it really being in the top 10% at school or being happy in his own skin.

Btw congratulations on reaching the awkward creditor. Forgot to say that through the red mist of rage earlier

That is a rather thought provoking post and thank you.

Softlass

Reading that you took you child's developmental chart actually made me laugh out loud! I would love to have seen the face of the woman, or at least the one she wanted to pull! My child went to nursery close to my local university where I work. There were a mix of kids from professors children to those who were just there to benefit from the 15 hours free sessions. I have to say the behaviour could range from very naughty to perfectly pleasant from children of all backgrounds. Those who behaved best were secure at home and spent quality time with their parents. But my son learned valuable lessons before he reached 4. We had conversations about the children being dropped off with a packet of ready salted crisps and why that wasn't an appropriate breakfast. Chats about how he preferred to play with some children over others and why that might be (the ones who could share). Nursery/ socialising in whatever form is vital, get him to nursery and start the dialogue about differences. It might even help you to get his opinion (children don't know how to judge). I am constantly amazed that even at 5 my sons description of someone of a different race will never include mention of the colour of their skin. Kids just don't see it (or I have never raised it as an issue)

For someone very educated it does appear you have missed that element of socialisation and have always been able to stick with and impress your 'own type',open your eyes just a little. Society is full of interesting people with interesting stories, don't judge a book by its cover or presume everyone is like you. It is very easy to do when you go to a good school and head off to university.

I love that you came on here to sort out your debts but as soon as you lay bare your thoughts you learn thing you never intended to.

Best of luck Alex, you will do this, probably faster than any of us could hope