Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

AlexLK

mum2one: Over the past few weeks I have really looked forward to reading your great advice and look forward to reading more of your advice in the future. I do not view you as inferior, not at all.

I'm sorry this reply is no where near enough, to be quite honest I feel terrible.

scottishspendaholic

But despite that Alex, we're all rooting for you. You've come so far in such a short space of time & are so ready & willing to change, that it is possible. If you weren't so busy & need to make money with your time, I'd suggest volunteering for a CAB, maybe an idea for the future.

I really wish you could meet some of us. I'm nobody special, and didn't go to a good school or get great grades and I live in a tiny house that I've stuffed with children - but I'm a nice, kind person who can be lots of fun. I'd happily have a cup of tea & a natter with you (nothing to worry about Mrs K, I'm not much to look at!), and hope you would with me.

wegle

Oops sorry. Posted my reply before I'd read the rest of the thread.

See Alex, these people want to help you, but they will have a breaking point. You can't keep putting yourself up on some special pedestal. It'll be lonely up there when people don't think they can take anymore.

cottage_retreatist

I agree with scottishspendaholic - even if you are super busy there is always time to volunteer and it might give you a bit of perspective? I used to volunteer 3 mornings a week a few years back when I was studying for a Masters full time and working 5 shifts a week as well so you can always squeeze it in! I volunteered in a museum and in an urban farm on Fridays!! (London living!!!)

I have to admit to being very offended by some of your comments over the past few pages but you seem to have repented for your ill-guided slip up so I give you the benefit of the doubt but you seem to have a hint of the 'Tiger mom' about your approach to parenting - obviously every parent has a right to chose how to bring up their children but I ask you to be careful so as not to set up either yourself or little K for disappointment some time in the future.

And well done with the creditor and bulking up the F&F settlement pot! when you start writing the letters do let us know how it goes - I'm fighting my own F&F battles at the moment so any success stories always boost my confidence!!!

C-R x

wegle

AlexLK wrote: »

I'm sorry this reply is no where near enough, to be quite honest I feel terrible.

Life is a learning experience. You made a mistake and now you will learn from it. You have apologised and people accept apologies. Now this is a positive situation as you can choose to take on board what you have learnt and put it into practice. :T

Whatever you do Alex, don't use this mistake as an excuse to withdraw into yourself with self pity, you know that achieves nothing.

kissjenn

Alex, I've a great life with a wonderful son. Genuinely wouldn't change my life with anyone.

Life dishes out some lessons for us all and it's up to each of us to choose what we want to learn.

If you're going to c0ck something up then no better place than this. People here are generous and offer a good sounding board. Far easier to repair virtual bridges than trying to take back some blistering faux pas at the nursery.

Maybe you could offer to be the pianist for the Christmas show...I'm sure something like that would bring you some admirers and a lot of joy.

AlexLK

wegle wrote: »

There's nothing wrong with being concerned and wanting the best for your son, I'm sure that's very natural. If that's the problem then say that and ask for appropriate advice. Regardless of how you intended the below to come across it is rude, judgemental and snobbish.

You're an educated man with very capable writing skills. Maybe a bit of engage brain before fingers wouldn't go amiss every now and again. I'm sure there are people on here who live on housing estates, are young and have children, maybe some even with children with different fathers. However you meant the above to come across imagine you were one of them, you'd been posting on this thread offering advice and support and then the person you've been helping posts something like that. It's not nice is it.

I'm not asking you to justify yourself or trying to tell you off. Just asking if you could maybe think a little bit more about what you want to say and how to say it.

Thank you, I entirely agree. Every part of me wishes to take back that particular comment now (as I feel truly ashamed I wrote that, never mind wrote it, thought that in the first place), yet simply deleting it doesn't seem entirely appropriate either. Should people wish me to delete it I will.

Readytobefree wrote: »

Apology accepted Alex.

This is a total learning curve for you isn't it? But you can see from everyone's story that despite the lows we have all been humbled and thankful for what we have. I hope for you and your family that this current adversity brings more than a debt free life.
It is good to see you are taking advice from others too

Yes, how'dya guess?

I always try to take on board useful advice and this board has provided lots.

scottishspendaholic wrote: »

But despite that Alex, we're all rooting for you. You've come so far in such a short space of time & are so ready & willing to change, that it is possible. If you weren't so busy & need to make money with your time, I'd suggest volunteering for a CAB, maybe an idea for the future.

I really wish you could meet some of us. I'm nobody special, and didn't go to a good school or get great grades and I live in a tiny house that I've stuffed with children - but I'm a nice, kind person who can be lots of fun. I'd happily have a cup of tea & a natter with you (nothing to worry about Mrs K, I'm not much to look at!), and hope you would with me.

Thank you for being so understanding. I am trying, not only to change my problems with debt (and money / spending in general) but so much of my life has changed in the pursuit of becoming debt free.

We have all been through our own personal problems; when I started to admit my own debt problems, I was looking to address other issues and put some behind me. They've become entangled within this diary. I'm ashamed to say I cracked at the first sign of not being able to cope and haven't fully recovered since.

I did smile at the idea of me volunteering for CAB - ME advise others on debt???! :rotfl:

Yes, I would happily have a cup of tea and a natter with you too. You don't happen to bake as well, do you?

mum2one

AlexLK wrote: »

mum2one: Over the past few weeks I have really looked forward to reading your great advice and look forward to reading more of your advice in the future. I do not view you as inferior, not at all.

I'm sorry this reply is no where near enough, to be quite honest I feel terrible.

Thank you, I dont want you to feel terrible, I just wanted to give you a kick up the rear (in the nicest of ways). At this rate I'll need a glass of your wine tomorrow night If your lucky I'll bring some homemade cake and my famous Rhubarb, Orange and Wine marmalade... it has a potent kick in the morning!

Meant to say congratulations on the agreement with the difficult creditor.

I do have to say thank you to you, a year ago when I started my DMP journey, I wrote a piece for stepchange for their online newsletter, and a couple of months ago I was asked to do a follow up "A year on", to be honest the year has been up and down debt wise, - had to take a months "holiday" as needed some money towards a new car (new to me) then my finances were so stretched that I ended up having to reduce my payment by 25%. I felt a failure, as though at my age I should know better. But seeing (and being part of) your diary, you gave me the inspiration to say yes, and stop making excuses, it went live today, bit scary seeing it in black and white - but if it helps one person make a decision to face up to their debts and realise that life isn't perfect then I've done a good job.

cottage_retreatist

kissjenn wrote: »

Maybe you could offer to be the pianist for the Christmas show...I'm sure something like that would bring you some admirers and a lot of joy.

oh that's a super idea kissjenn!!!!!

yes! it's the dreaded c-word again! but what a wonderful idea!!!!

:T

scottishspendaholic

AlexLK wrote: »

I did smile at the idea of me volunteering for CAB - ME advise others on debt???! :rotfl:

Yes, I would happily have a cup of tea and a natter with you too. You don't happen to bake as well, do you?

That, dear sir, is exactly what I do. It's ironic, but I'm great with everyone else's money, just cr&p with my own. At least I have lots of empathy!

I do bake! Coffee & walnut cake is a speciality!