Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

AlexLK

7roland8 wrote: »

This is a gloomy time of year after Xmas and people often get to feel low.

However you have been doing marvellous Alex - you have already got half the money to clear your debts - but do pay it of NOW.
Don't think of it as 'your' money - just pay it of and you will feel so much better.

Then in a few months if you have done the same the debts will be all gone and you can start afresh - whatever that may be.

Oh yes knew there was something else - money coming into the home is just money - doesn't matter who earns it - one of you needs to be there and responsible for your son - so does it matter which one? Looks like you are the most maternal one anyway - in the nicest possible way.

Thank you, things haven't been easy yesterday and today, Mrs. K. hasn't been very well, though looks like she's over the worst.

I don't know what afresh is myself; I've gone from financial disaster to financial disaster my whole adult life.

Mrs. K. has decided to take her money for herself.

gallygirl wrote: »

I agree Lannie.

Basically, what I can see happening is all the money raised, and recently gifted, is frittered away on toys/status symbols.

Then there will be a serious problem with the house - boiler going or something. Alex will turn to mummy and daddy and get bailed out once more.

I for one won't be here to see it. I'm unsubscribing.

Not going to happen.

AlexLK

Sedge123 wrote: »

The thing is though- it's not "your" money that you have saved when you have debts like you do !

Considering I was not paying the debts before, it is my money unless a court decides otherwise. However, I would agree should you say I'd be morally obliged to pay back the money I spent.

Iwillsucceed wrote: »

Hello Alex!

I am not sure how I feel about your reluctance to pay off some of your debt with the money you've saved! I am angry!!! I think I want to shake off your head off so you can understand what the other members are trying to convey when they agreed you to pay off some of your debt!! Grrr! Grrr! Argh! Argh!! Ha ha ha! Ok! I have calmed down! :-)
By the way! Sometimes when I read your ups and downs I cannot stop imagining you as a tortoise :-) who goes slowly and slowly sometimes so lethargic and withdraws in its case/shell when it's to much! I guess this apathy, lethargy, luck of energy and being soooo NEGATIVE! Regurgitating always! in the past! hopeless about the future with no light at the end of the tunnel in their life such as the one you at times convey, can only be the result of your depression? It's dreadful! :-( this time of the year can only worsen if you are having one of those days and cloud all possibilities of seeing a hopeful tomorrow ... Blah, blah...
You were seeing a counsellor weren't you? In all honesty, we all think you can benefit from one! However, I do not know what is best for you, though I can see that you don't seem to be ready for a counsellor? Particularly when you'd a bad experience previously?
I also think you could benefit much more from a cognitive behaviourist therapist specifically !! But you know what is best!
On another note, you keep saying: 'money is not what it was once, that you use to have better life?'.... Isn't your debt the result of your bad spending habits? Are you sure you were able to afford your collection of pens without resorting to credit cards in the first place? I am just assuming! You had the money, you had great time just like many other people do! I.e. DEBT! It appears to me that we can all have money, expensive holidays, expensive taste, etc, etc that all goes into our credit cards... I would like you to stop to think about where your debt come from in the first place? Then you can answer whether 'you had the money'!!
I guess as you have noticed, 'we', me and then... Are becoming rather intolerant with you? we would like you to pay your debt off please! ASAP! Hahaha! You know best but nevertheless, i, we do care about you!

Regards,

I acknowledge I'm a mess. Not sure how one can change in my situation. In all honesty, if I could stop this I would. Hopefully the counselling will work but truthfully I'm rather cynical about it.

My bad spending habits have happened throughout my adult life, firstly as a result of thinking the money would not run out and secondly as a denial of my change in lifestyle upon becoming self employed. It wouldn't matter if I earned a six figure salary and a large bonus on top, I'd likely find more to spend on and feel "poor".

7roland8

AlexLK wrote: »

Considering I was not paying the debts before, it is my money unless a court decides otherwise. However, I would agree should you say I'd be morally obliged to pay back the money I spent.

Oh dear - want to be supportive but its that attitude that hikes up interest rates for everyone else that actually tries to pay their debts.

Sedge123

7roland8 wrote: »

Oh dear - want to be supportive but its that attitude that hikes up interest rates for everyone else that actually tries to pay their debts.

Of course you are morally obliged to pay it back- you spent it in the first place. I do get really frustrated on here sometimes when people fail to acknowledge that they are responsible for their own debt, too many comments along the lines of ignoring it until it's statute barred. :mad:

Sounds like today has been a bad day, have a glass of something nice and an early night.

LannieDuck

AlexLK wrote: »

Mrs. K. is taking over the January budget, she's not really pleased with the mess I've made of it. I really struggled to keep to we spend x amount on this and not over and x amount on that. Over the next few days we are going to go back to the beginning and make a detailed SOA to stick to.

That's the point tho, you've not made a mess of it. You've saved up a lot of money in a very short space of time. We're only frustrated because we don't want to see you going backwards when you've been doing so well.

I think it's great that Mrs K is going to be more involved from Jan. Tackling the budget as a partnership is the best way to do it. And it's a good time of year to review your SOA

pebbles88

AlexLK wrote: »

Considering I was not paying the debts before, it is my money unless a court decides otherwise. However, I would agree should you say I'd be morally obliged to pay back the money I spent.

I have a ccj/court order on my house- from a debt of £22000. The judge said at that amount he normally forces sale of the property to fund the debt- only didn't as I was so poorly at the time.

You need to take charge of this before it gets to that point. As it's truly terrifying.

I know you have the bank of mum & dad to fall back onto: but if they'd be ashamed of knowing about the other debts other than the mortgage, I don't think you'd want them knowing about a ccj.

These things you collect, are now starting to own you, I know you have reduced them. But just think that by selling the rest, you could be so close towards a clean slate- without worrying what's gonna happen next.

You don't 'need' things! So called status symbols mean nothing at the end of the day .

Fwiw- I'm a year older than you, and this year has brought me divorce, having to sell the home I've lived in since being 5, death of my mum & no having go parents & become estranged from my half siblings. I have no one else to help me, didn't even know who the heck to put as my next of kin on my hospital papers the other week.

But you just keep on plodding on, get to the end of each day, just keep swimming......


Alex you have so much in your life that you are rich in, and not one part of that has anything to do with money. It's the things you can't buy.

Xx

Mara_uk7

Turn it around Alex, you still can. Use whats left of your savings plus your christmas money to pay off an interest bearing debt. Go on, make the gesture, show Mrs K that youre not useless. Be a man Alex, prove to her and yourself that you can change.

AlexLK

7roland8 wrote: »

Oh dear - want to be supportive but its that attitude that hikes up interest rates for everyone else that actually tries to pay their debts.

I am going to pay it back, when I was paying absolutely nothing towards the debts we truly did have nothing left at the end of the month.

Sedge123 wrote: »

Of course you are morally obliged to pay it back- you spent it in the first place. I do get really frustrated on here sometimes when people fail to acknowledge that they are responsible for their own debt, too many comments along the lines of ignoring it until it's statute barred. :mad:

Sounds like today has been a bad day, have a glass of something nice and an early night.

I'm not going to do that, sorry if my post came across that way.

Not a great day, mind I've had very little sleep over these past few days always seems to happen that when I can't sleep, I'm worse.

Something nice will be a hot chocolate for me tonight, managed to not have a drink this evening for the first time in a couple of weeks.

slowlyfading

AlexLK wrote: »

Everybody's situation is different, as I will some day inherit 12 properties, buying another is not really going to make much of a difference.

Then stop going on about getting investment properties! You don't need any more

The car thing has little to do with driving a status symbol, it's simply a hobby which got out of hand. I started collecting models when young (still got them), which spiraled into real cars the moment I hit 17. I am happy with the Landy, always had multiple cars, different ones for different jobs.

Surely a car is just to get you from A to B? You can only drive one car at a time....

I'm not sure I can work this out. Still having counselling but not been for a couple of weeks - I'm not sure it's helping much but willing to give it until Easter.

The counseling will only help if you are completely honest with yourself and your counselor. Otherwise, there's no point in you going.

The money you've "saved" isn't yours, because you've already spent it. It really is frustrating when people don't realise that the money they currently own isn't actually theirs when they're in debt, as they've already spent it! Also, the "woe is me" attitude won't get you very far. Man up, pay off some more and see the bigger picture! You're clever, you just need to think a bit more - what kind of future do you want?

AlexLK

LannieDuck wrote: »

That's the point tho, you've not made a mess of it. You've saved up a lot of money in a very short space of time. We're only frustrated because we don't want to see you going backwards when you've been doing so well.

I think it's great that Mrs K is going to be more involved from Jan. Tackling the budget as a partnership is the best way to do it. And it's a good time of year to review your SOA

I'm sorry to be a disappointment to everybody.

Mrs. K. will make a better go of it than me and I won't have any money to spend anyway; she wants to split the bills then her to keep the remainder of her wages in an account she's opened.

pebbles88 wrote: »

I have a ccj/court order on my house- from a debt of £22000. The judge said at that amount he normally forces sale of the property to fund the debt- only didn't as I was so poorly at the time.

You need to take charge of this before it gets to that point. As it's truly terrifying.

I know you have the bank of mum & dad to fall back onto: but if they'd be ashamed off knowing about the other debts other than the mortgage, I don't think you'd want them knowing about a ccj.

These things you collect, are now starting to own you, I know you have reduced them. But just think that by selling the rest, you could be so close towards a clean slate- without worrying what's gonna happen next.

You don't 'need' things! So called status symbols mean nothing at the end of the day .

Fwiw- I'm a year older than you, and this year has brought me divorce, having to sell the home I've lived in since being 5, death of my mum & no having go parents & become estranged from my half siblings. I have no one else to help me, didn't even know who the heck to put as my next of kin on my hospital papers the other week.

But you just keep on plodding on, get to the end of each day, just keep swimming......


Alex you have so much in your life that you are rich in, and not one part of that has anything to do with money. It's the things you scant buy.

Xx

I'm sorry to hear about your situation and feel somewhat guilty probably not what you want to hear. However, thank you for sharing.

In all honesty I didn't face getting rid of things like I said I would, simply couldn't face it after a couple of things had gone: Mrs. K. was happy I was doing something about it, I enjoyed writing down what I'd managed to raise and seeing a decent amount of money starting to build up. Where I made the mistake was contemplating how I would spend it if not on paying my debts, then I began to miss what I'd sold and started looking for replacements.

I hate myself for it and for the fact I've not been able to properly take control of my finances. Rather worthless in the 21st Century, me.