Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

AlexLK

Mara_uk7 wrote: »

Turn it around Alex, you still can. Use whats left of your savings plus your christmas money to pay off an interest bearing debt. Go on, make the gesture, show Mrs K that youre not useless. Be a man Alex, prove to her and yourself that you can change.

This evening that is exactly what I want to do but tomorrow morning will likely be a different matter entirely.

slowlyfading wrote: »

Then stop going on about getting investment properties! You don't need any more

Part of me just wanted to prove I could, oh and as a back up for if they pass me over for the younger, trendier version.

slowlyfading wrote: »

Surely a car is just to get you from A to B? You can only drive one car at a time....

The counseling will only help if you are completely honest with yourself and your counselor. Otherwise, there's no point in you going.

The car thing is quite difficult to explain, Mrs. K. is afflicted too probably not good - we encourage each other.

I'm trying with the counselling, though not as hard as the first time I went. I was completely honest then, it was like being torn into pieces - horrible.

slowlyfading wrote: »

The money you've "saved" isn't yours, because you've already spent it. It really is frustrating when people don't realise that the money they currently own isn't actually theirs when they're in debt, as they've already spent it! Also, the "woe is me" attitude won't get you very far. Man up, pay off some more and see the bigger picture! You're clever, you just need to think a bit more - what kind of future do you want?

I don't have any real plans for the future, there's pie in the sky stuff relating to sorting the house out, going on a road trip across Europe and America, paying the mortgage off, making my son a "miniature theme park" (don't even ask), having a published book, doing a PhD and many other things that won't happen.

patanne

Did you ever get an acceptable response to your second debt's F & F letter? Maybe if you get that out of the way you will feel better about things & also less tempted to just spend the money you have managed to acquire from selling your possessions. You have come so far & are going through a setback but you can get over this. You will get past this!!

AlexLK

patanne wrote: »

Did you ever get an acceptable response to your second debt's F & F letter? Maybe if you get that out of the way you will feel better about things & also less tempted to just spend the money you have managed to acquire from selling your possessions. You have come so far & are going through a setback but you can get over this. You will get past this!!

No I didn't, it's still in negotiation. I wanted to have this paid off by the New Year which is looking less and less like it will happen now.

Thank you for the encouragement.

pebbles88

AlexLK wrote: »

I'm trying with the counselling, though not as hard as the first time I went. I was completely honest then, it was like being torn into pieces - horrible.



I don't have any real plans for the future, there's pie in the sky stuff relating to sorting the house out, going on a road trip across Europe and America, paying the mortgage off, making my son a "miniature theme park" (don't even ask), having a published book, doing a PhD and many other things that won't happen.

Don't be hard on yourself re the counselling , it is hard when you have to face up to things, but once you start working on those things, you do get a feeling of peace & accomplishment.

As others have said, you aren't a bad person Alex. I think you have got stuck in a way of thinking about yourself that keeps sneaking in and bringing you down. You can do all of these things, just remember - these behaviours have become engrained over many years, you won't change them overnight, but as long as you just keep taking steps towards change, you'll get there.

Just a thought- the published book..... What's to stop you working on that as a hobby now (cheaper than pens!:p), even if for now it's just for your eyes only. Perhaps a new Alex with a new hobby??

Xx

Mara_uk7

Alex, tonight .. Now .. Get online and make that payment, while you feel strong. Online is open 24/7 ��

Iwillsucceed_2

Hello again Alex!
Err I cannot go to sleep which is rather strange cos I am usually in bed by now! But thinking about it might be due to the fact that my husband and I have cancelled our trip to York tomorrow because I refuse to spend! :-) plus there is a lot to finish here at home!
Anyway, hope you are feeling much better, I think being 'cynical' about counselling could be a barrier to developing a working relationship, and etc with your counsellor... remember you are paying £60 each time..I hope you will think about what you want out of the counselling sessions... in my opinion, I believe you will benefit from a CBT specifically rather than a humanistic, holistic, or integrative therapists interventions due to your thinking patterns, negative thoughts or fixed cognitive processing tendencies you appear to exhibit? I would hope as your sessions progress your counsellor will realize you would benefit from a CBT if she is not one. Anyway, as I said before, you are the expert and you will know what is best for you...???

Further, I can never judge you for having spending habits! I, for one WAS! a WASTER! do not want to say 'I Am'' because I am hoping that that HABIT belongs to the past and NOW I want to work in bettering myself! Sometimes I would like to share on how I wasted or blew my money but it makes me feel sick just the thought of it! But I do know how it felts living with the guilt inflicted by overspending, by wasting money and that's what I want to change. I have LEARN to be self compassionate and self forgiven about all the mistakes I made and that helped to move on!
I hope you will have a much brighter day tomorrow!

Regards,

AlexLK

pebbles88 wrote: »

Don't be hard on yourself re the counselling , it is hard when you have to face up to things, but once you start working on those things, you do get a feeling of peace & accomplishment.

As others have said, you aren't a bad person Alex. I think you have got stuck in a way of thinking about yourself that keeps sneaking in and bringing you down. You can do all of these things, just remember - these behaviours have become engrained over many years, you won't change them overnight, but as long as you just keep taking steps towards change, you'll get there.

Just a thought- the published book..... What's to stop you working on that as a hobby now (cheaper than pens!:p), even if for now it's just for your eyes only. Perhaps a new Alex with a new hobby??

Xx

Thank you, I know it's not meant to be easy, just didn't know it'd be as hard as it was either. First time around I didn't take it seriously.

I understand regarding certain thoughts being engrained - there are times I could shake myself. I suppose I present a largely different persona to the "real world" in order for others not to find me out to be weak.

I have wrote a book before, sometimes spend hours writing still, I do know it's another thing which becomes obsessive and I would not dare to publish because believe it or not I hate the idea of failing.

Mara_uk7 wrote: »

Alex, tonight .. Now .. Get online and make that payment, while you feel strong. Online is open 24/7 ��

I can't pay off one of the other cards and do the Full and Final.

AlexLK

Iwillsucceed wrote: »

Hello again Alex!
Err I cannot go to sleep which is rather strange cos I am usually in bed by now! But thinking about it might be due to the fact that my husband and I have cancelled our trip to York tomorrow because I refuse to spend! :-) plus there is a lot to finish here at home!
Anyway, hope you are feeling much better, I think being 'cynical' about counselling could be a barrier to developing a working relationship, and etc with your counsellor... remember you are paying £60 each time..I hope you will think about what you want out of the counselling sessions... in my opinion, I believe you will benefit from a CBT specifically rather than a humanistic, holistic, or integrative therapists interventions due to your thinking patterns, negative thoughts or fixed cognitive processing tendencies you appear to exhibit? I would hope as your sessions progress your counsellor will realize you would benefit from a CBT if she is not one. Anyway, as I said before, you are the expert and you will know what is best for you...???

Further, I can never judge you for having spending habits! I, for one WAS! a WASTER! do not want to say 'I Am'' because I am hoping that that HABIT belongs to the past and NOW I want to work in bettering myself! Sometimes I would like to share on how I wasted or blew my money but it makes me feel sick just the thought of it! But I do know how it felts living with the guilt inflicted by overspending, by wasting money and that's what I want to change. I have LEARN to be self compassionate and self forgiven about all the mistakes I made and that helped to move on!
I hope you will have a much brighter day tomorrow!

Regards,

I can't say I really understand the different types of counselling and am also unsure what I'm meant to be an expert of?

Thank you, I imagine we're all on here for a reason (overspending at some point). I hope I will also have a brighter day tomorrow, not looking like getting a good night's sleep though again, despite the milky hot chocolate.

7roland8

I think its meant that you are an 'expert' on yourself.

CBT is more about shifting thoughts I think (though no expert) so some think that might be more productive for you.

No harm in having dreams Alex - lots of people do - whether they come to anything or not. Most in the real world never get to go exploring or do lots of travelling - but the thing is to maybe have the idea - but not to dwell on it.

Re writing - if you enjoy it then carry on - who knows where it will lead.

I never had any aspirations but being interested in local history we formed a little group and I ending up publishing 6 books and 5 booklets - I had no knowledge whatsoever and the first time I tried ringing a publisher it was a joke - I had no idea what they were talking about.

When younger I would have been afraid to try and think 'I'm no good. I cannot do it' - but as you get older you realise lots of people feel this way so are happy to give it a go.

We are all rooting for you so hope we won't lose you here come January.

chevalier

AlexLK wrote: »

I can't pay off one of the other cards and do the Full and Final.

Or rather you can't do this WITHOUT selling another couple of pens, or the foot stool or the x y z stuff you were going to sell out of the spare room. Grit your teeth and get on with getting Alex. People have xmas money to spend, why not on buying your clutter! And if you REALLY want to do some of those dreams, then just sell the pens to fund them. You will get far more out of the memories you make from travelling eg with little and Mrs K, than your pens. Pens are static. This is the thing I have never understood. How you have things that are worth so much, and not sell them in a blink of an eye to pay off your debts, sort your house out, and saving for a deposit, or to have money for that holiday, or to keep your end of the financial bargain, when the business has one of its down turns.
Good luck with 2014
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