Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

Granariesgirl

Alex, I totally agree with all those on here that consider your mother's comments totally unacceptable & a form of abuse. Undermining someone constantly & saying horrible things to them is as bad as beating them up - just because the scars are on the inside doesn't mean they are not as awful.

AlexLK wrote: »

My mother is not a bad person and wouldn't do anything to harm her grandson despite thinking my wife and I had him too early, she has put a lot of time and effort into being a grandmother.

You know, my maternal grandmother was not a bad person either & always brought me presents, treats etc.
She also was a total & utter b!!ch to my mother, always putting her down & criticizing with a tongue like a cat o' nine tails though she THOUGHT she hid it from me.
It took me till about age 6 to work out how much she was upsetting my parents & how her saccharine smile always covered a poisonous bite.
The older I got the more I loathed her & how she treated my parents: Mum was never doing the right thing (social climbing) & Dad was an upstart (Lahndon boy made good): all this from someone who was lower-middle class at best & just had the good luck to be pretty when young & marry into a good family.

I saw her as little as possible as the years went by & didn't even go to her funeral. Nearly everything I inherited from her was sold to get rid of her malevolent presence in my home.
I hope she is rotting in Hell as we speak, in a section full of criminal oiks, chavs, "peasants" & anyone else she despised when alive.
:mad:
The best thing she ever did was have kids, all who were gentle, kind & unambitious people & the nicest family you could hope for.

All this to say, your son won't be fooled for long, even if he is now. Kids can sense bad vibes & react to them & he will certainly not take kindly to attacks on either of his parents. Observe him closely when he's with them & when he's with others - I think you'll see a difference.

If you & Mrs K would find it unacceptable to treat YOUR son like she treats you; if you would be shocked to hear another parent speak like that to their child, then IT IS WRONG & UNACCEPTABLE!

AlexLK wrote: »

I suppose she is just a bit frustrated that things (school fees, big birthday presents etc) will once again fall to them. I've not exactly been the greatest son.

NO, NO, NOOOOOO! :doh:
You have been a great son! You're a great father too! And you have a cracking wife who loves you & has stuck by you DESPITE having the mother-in-law from Hell.

YOU ARE HUMAN & have made financial mistakes BUT you visit your parents frequently despite how unpleasant your mother is to you & to the woman with whom you have chosen to share your life.

Jeez, Alex, money isn't everything remember! :doh:
Hand on heart, would you rather they were poorer but proud of you or rich & constantly carping at you for your failure & your wife for her "bad breeding"?

As for school fees: I would be very wary of making your son beholden to your parents by letting them pay for prep school etc. - do you really want him to become the next scapegoat if he doesn't meet his grandmother's expectations?
Nobody ever died from going to the local Primary School & I doubt your local Primary is full of drug dealers & knife crime, is it?
Frankly, I would never have forgiven my parents if they'd made me so obligated to that malicious old witch who was my grandmother!

Big presents are their choice to make - did you ASK for the plane or any of the other uber-exensive toys? So tell her to buy something cheap if she wants!

Your mother is DAMN lucky to have you as a son because had she been mine, I would have told her to stuff all her money where the sun don't shine & told her to contact me again when she learned to behave politely & curb her tongue. There would be no more Sunday opportunities to belittle me or my spouse & I would make other arrangements for childcare & schooling. <cue Miss Piggy "ha-YA" & flounce>

You would do well to listen more to your wife & less to your mother - if Mrs K says "no" then DON'T side with your mother against her!




Crikey Daisy - I didn't realise how angry I still am at "Grandmama", even after all these years! :eek:
Boy has that been cathartic!

maddiemay

I have just caught up with 3 pages of posts, wow Alex you have some amazing support here (me included) even if you do not have too much of it in real life.

I wonder (to myself - do not expect you to share even if you know) what has happened to your Mother to give her such a jaundiced and unkind outlook on life? She has a very skewed view on the things that are important in life and I hope that in time and with the professional help that you are receiving that you will come to realise the majority of the population does not think the way that she does about life.

If you were my son (and I am only 8 years or so younger than your Ma) I might well have been disappointed and frustrated with some of your actions, but I was brought up to try and be supportive and "if you cannot say anything kind, say nothing" You are a different person to that guy who squandered all the money, you have had your LBM, have a wonderful wife and a much treasured child, I would hate to think of anyone close to me having to earn a living that put them under so much pressure and caused a breakdown. Keep on working at what you enjoy and are obviously good at, paying down the debt, learn to live within your means and make plans for the future. I am going to shout out loud here YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!

Hope all goes well with the counselling, but be aware that it is an on-going process and it may take a while for you to feel as you would like to about your life. Lots of other things that I could say, but your "other friends in the box" have said it for me.

Mara_uk7

Ok Gang, Lets stop knocking Alexes mum, At the end of the day, she is his mum and he must be finding it really hard to hear this from a bunch of strangers . Not comfortable for him I would imagine.

Lets go back to knocking his "pen" habit That was funny !

7roland8

Don't think we're knocking mum so much as showing Alex he does not have to believe what he is being told. Its positive towards him rather than just negative for her.

Anyhow Alex cannot see a fountain pen now without thinking about you!!

AlexLK

Thank you all for the support, I hope you don't find it rude that I am not answering everybody's posts as I have found this topic very difficult to talk about. I have been to my counselling session and we talked briefly about my family but I didn't feel ready to go into details, yet.

On the positive, I've had a nice work related result (music).

Lannie: Sorry to hear you haven't been very well.

AlexLK

Mara and Roland: Every time I look at my collection I am reminded of you two.

patanne

Just how big is this collection? Is it big enough for a portion of it to pay off the next full & final settlement? Or even full & final settlements on the lot? Who would have thunk it? (that was deliberate - for the grammar police). Have a good evening & hope mini K enjoyed his day!

7roland8

I bet you'll a off your debts before some of us here Alex.

Saw on Facebook today a man who collects advertising pens

7roland8

Thats a bit down market for you though!!!

bess1234_2

Do you mean to say you didn't pick up an expensive nicknack to deal with the pain of counselling and us all bashing your head.

Not that it would be a nick nack of course, as if.

Just remember your musical talent, your antiquing, car skills, ability to woo such a fine wife, to raise such a happy son- it's all you, no one else did that .