Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

IainHL

AlexLK wrote: »

Patanne: Thank you. Yes, I have a counselling session tomorrow, was not going to bring this up. However, I suppose it does affect me, so thank you for the advice.

As I've said before, I understand why she says the type of things she does. It probably upsets my wife more than I now.

I would add my support to bringing these sorts of things up at counselling. That is the way the counsellor is going to get the complete picture and understanding of you, and will best be able to help you.

AlexLK

I can't say I really feel comfortable talking about this, at all. However, I would like to say thank you for the support. My mother is not a bad person and wouldn't do anything to harm her grandson despite thinking my wife and I had him too early, she has put a lot of time and effort into being a grandmother. I suppose she is just a bit frustrated that things (school fees, big birthday presents etc) will once again fall to them. I've not exactly been the greatest son.

LannieDuck

My OH has a similar problem, only with his father. OH has never been particularly ambitious, or career-driven, or money-oriented, and I think that's rather a disappointment to his father. It's water-off-a-duck's-back to OH now (he's had these attitudes all his life), but it upsets me.

OH is a wonderful father and a very kind man. He'd go out of his way for his family (including his parents), and has done on multiple occasions since I've known him. In contrast, his parents wouldn't cut their holiday short when OH's sister had a major life event recently and really needed them to be there for her.

Alex, we can't always be what our parents want us to be. Sometimes we can do better

littlegreenparrot

I an frankly very upset on your behalf that you have to listen to such comments. Whatever my mother thought of my choices she would either keep her own counsel, or seek to give me constructive criticism.

It's interesting that it pulls you back into old thought patterns. It has been discussed earlier in the thread that wealth cannot and should not be measured only in money.

Chlidren need love, warmth, and food. Everything else is window dressing. It would shock you just how many children don't have access to the advantages little K has. Not having riding lessons or a fortune spent on education does not equal a failing parent.

Apologies if I sound a bit ranty - this stuff really bothers me!

LannieDuck

AlexLK wrote: »

I suppose she is just a bit frustrated that things (school fees, big birthday presents etc) will once again fall to them.

Your son is 3. He doesn't need big birthday presents. By the time he's old enough to want iPads and fancy phones, you'll have cleared your debts and built up enough savings to be able to afford to buy them for him, if you so choose.

As for the school fees, well the majority of us on here won't be able to afford private school fees, especially for pre-prep level. Maybe after your debts are gone you could re-arrange your budgets to cover private schooling. If it's a priority for you and Mrs K, you could cut back in other areas.

OTOH, if it's something your parents have decided Little K needs, that you wouldn't normally have spent money on yoruself, then I would try to see it as a nice gift from them to him, rather than something that's 'fallen to them to do'.

AlexLK

Iain: Thank you, we try our best.

Lannie: Hope you are well? Thank you. Mother is very much ashamed about my working arrangements. My father isn't like this at all, there have been occasions he's told me that he thinks I've got it right regarding my work and that life is far too short. Mind, he has a few regrets.

7roland8

Alex - talking got you the way she does is a form of abuse - and harms your psyche more than a slap on the face. Its poison that eats at your soul.

I agree with others - with her attitude the less your son is left with her the better - he will pick up on things you know - and do you want to be belittled in his eyes because of what she says?

You can still love her despite everything - but don't go spending too much time there and allowing yourself to be belittled in such a way.

When you have kids is your own affair as as said above most or us would never ever speak to our grown up children in that way - money or not.

I know you defend her which is admirable.

Mara_uk7

Jeez Alex, Its a wonder you have turned out to be a decent chap at all, Your mother is a tyrant ! Tell them to employ an agent to manage the BTL, they can well afford it tbh, and I really dont think you need the extra work or heartache of it when you know fine your mother would be breathing down your neck about it the whole time !
relationships with your parents would be even more strained ! You would be walking on eggshells.
Please think of you and your own wee family first. You have enough strain on your brain without being your mothers lackey

LannieDuck

AlexLK wrote: »

Lannie: Hope you are well?

Yes, thank you Had a horrible cold last week that's turned into a yucky cough. Work keep trying to send me home, but I had all last week off and feel much better now. Just the cough left over that makes me sound more ill than I am.

DD had her flu nasal spray vaccination yesterday so we're keeping our fingers crossed she doesn't come down ill as a result...

Had a very busy couple of days, so looking forward to the weekend this week.

gallygirl

AlexLK wrote: »

My mother is not a bad person and wouldn't do anything to harm her grandson despite thinking my wife and I had him too early, she has put a lot of time and effort into being a grandmother. I suppose she is just a bit frustrated that things (school fees, big birthday presents etc) will once again fall to them. I've not exactly been the greatest son.

"Don't worry Little K, we'll give you what you need as daddy can't" - do you want him hearing that?

If she chooses to thrust her expectations onto him the least she can do is pay for them.

I'm afraid your mother is completely lacking in emotional intelligence. Would she prefer you to be back in your previous job which led to your breakdown rather than a portfolio career you are much better suited to and which gives pleasure and help? Does she really want you to go back to that? So that in 5 years she can say 'Hey, my son killed himself but at least he had status and made me look good'. Sorry to be blunt Alex and I know it must be hard to read. Please, please discuss this at your counselling.

GG x