Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

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*chuckles* Granariesgirl has just put it better than I ever could re different crowds of people

There's plenty of drugs and pregnancies in all schools - please bear in mind my school was ROUGH! But because I was brought up to respect teachers and work hard I managed to stay away from all that. You're doing a great job bringing him up so far, and wherever he goes he will be encouraged and helped. That goes a long way

Library's a good idea today - or make some salt dough and have an art afternoon? I wish I was a kid again sometimes

HBS x

wegle

bess1234 wrote: »

Your depression is making your thought processes always see the negative, aided and abetted by wine. That is probably the only thing that leads to your downfalls. If you need it start budgeting for some help with it, it will turn the rest of your life around. There's a type of quick fix therapy which I think is called cognitive behavioural therapy, which is just about re training the way you have got used to thinking. Or go face that doctor and ask for a referral(free) . I may be a bit wrong about it but you get the drift.

Just wanted to pick up on this. I totally agree with bess that depression does make you see the negative and alcohol is certainly a complete no no for people with depression. Just re the CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy), it is not a quick fix solution, its very hard work. I've been doing CBT techniques for 3 years now and I still have to work at it. The doctor can refer you to a course of CBT treatment which will last about 6 weeks, but it will not magically cure you but will teach you how to reassess those situations in your life and modify your behaviour and reaction to them appropriately. It's a bit of a postcode lottery though on how long you would have to wait to get on a course. A really good free online resource that I use is MOODGym https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome. You can do the exercises online and in your own time.

CBT is really worth it and is really effective, but you get out what you put in.

Re the rainy day: if you were my husband you would have had exactly the same response from me as you got from Mrs K! The only time I walk in the rain is when I have to because of the furry hound, and even then he doesn't really want to go either! How about curling up on the sofa with your son and all watching a good kiddies film as a family?

wegle

AlexLK wrote: »

I worry about my son socialising with the type of boys that end up drug dealing and the type of girls that end up pregnant at 15. I don't doubt for every one of the former types I mentioned there are ten doing well for themselves. However, I don't wish to risk my son becoming influenced by the wrong crowd if I can help it.

The amount of drugs at my private school was insane!! In fact my cousin who went to the state school up the road told me that kids from his school would come to mine to score! My parent were always open and honest with me about the effects of drugs and that I should always feel able to speak to them if I wanted to. End result: I never got involved with the people that were involved with drugs as I knew I didn't want my life to go down that route. Plus I had no desire to be seen as one of the cool kids or to fit in with that crowd as my parents had always brought me up to be proud of who I am and that real friends love you just the way you are.

wegle

Granariesgirl wrote: »

Give people a chance, Alex - stop judging by appearances, you're missing out on a whole bunch of great friends.

This! Over and over again and shouted really loudly! THIS! :j:j

We're all human, and we've all had different experiences. No certain type of people are any worse than the other, each individual makes his or her decision on how to live their life. No one is influenced unless they choose to be so. It's all about having respect for yourself and respect for others.

Once you start to let different people into your life you will start to have so many different and interesting experiences.

Sorry for my 3 posts in a row, I'm trying so hard to keep up with this thread but I think I'd have to quit my job! Not very MSE!!

bess1234_2

Wegle- that's brilliant. Not the drugs, the mind gym. Thankyou, I'll be showing it to my oh who has had depression and anxiety in the past.

AlexLK

I have failed so miserably today.

Work amounted to nothing meaning I felt terrible, the two music pupils came and I really quite enjoyed that but after I insisted Mrs. K. and I went out for a meal, so out of the £50 I earned today, I spent £40 of it. Honestly, feeling terrible right now.

AlexLK

littlegreenparrot wrote: »

Hi Alex,

I've been following your threads over the last couple of days, and think you have made great progress. You seem similar to my OH, who attended private schools, and is now in what he would consider reduced circumstances (although its fine as far as I'm concerned, and we're in a better position than many on here. Its worth counting blessings)

Couple of points I'd like to make. Please don't assume the local state school is awful, go and see. Getting to know other children/parents in the area will give you an idea of the people he'll be mixing with. There are horrible people in private schools as well. Your son sounds lovely, but he needs friends just as you do, brilliant to hear you'll be out and about more.

You can choose to see any GP at your surgery, make an appt with a different one. Research your condition, try things to help you manage it. My OH self manages and is better than he has been in years. I would hate it if he thought he'd ruined my life, I married him, sickness and health applies to mental health as well.

No spend Rainy day suggesstions!
Local library - books, (dvds for small spend)
Wellies and macs to go splash in the puddles
Build a den from sofa cushions and a blanket, picnic lunch in there
Make cakes, or try and make a car from whatever cereal boxes etc are about

The loveliest thing I ever heard about what children need was that they need keeping warm, keeping fed, and being loved, everything else is window dressing. Have fun

Thank you so much for your post, I have really let myself down today and am feeling utterly worthless this evening. It is reassuring to think I'm not the only person in my situation.

AlexLK

AmyandArthur wrote: »

Hi Alex
Increase your wealth by reducing your wants. It's a simple philosophy, but practice it every day and eventually you will flip from being a spendaholic to a tight-wad. I can vouch for it, it happened to me It took a few years, but suddenly that flip happened and I realised I wasn't buying 'stuff', wasn't splurging, wasn't frittering.
It won't happen overnight and like a diet, some days it will just be the dullest, most tedious thing ever. But eventually it becomes natural. Eventually that buzz you got from buying stuff (handbags, makeup, unnecessary crap for the house in my case) dissipates and you get a buzz from seeing the debt go down and eventually seeing the savings go up. Exactly the same buzz. Honest. It really does happen.
Keep going buddy.
AaA

Thank you

I do hope this eventually happens for me too.

AlexLK

Granariesgirl wrote: »

The important thing is heart & honesty - kids are often usually pretty good judges of that unless their parents /peers have screwed their worldview!

TRUST YOUR SON! You can always give a gentle nudge to the tiller if he's veering off course...

Have you thought that maybe the fact of meeting HIM & his family with other values, higher aspirations & a serious work ethic might help a "no hope parents" kid see that there is more to life than a jobless future / drugs / teenage pregnancy? A positive life lesson about social mobility for everyone!



I hate to tell you this but if he is easily led, he will fall in with the wrong crowd wherever he is.

That is why I feel it is so important to teach kids the following: to know wrong from right; to say no if you're uncomfortable with something; & that being a friend is not just about following your mates blindly but also telling them when something's wrong.

Another vital lesson is not to judge a book by its cover or a person by their appearance or origins: I have met some prize to$$ers who were both rich & well-born & some fantastic people who lived 12 in a 10m2 house (I kid you not, it was CROWDED)... :rotfl:

I have dined with princes & paupers, mixed with the nobility & the nouveaux riches, partied on council estates & on great big f#ck-off private estates & in the end it's always about the heart & morals of the people you mix with & that's not decided by their bank balance or their breeding.

I'll invite any of my friends or my kids' friends home & if my place is too posh or too small, that's their look-out: ex-cons haven't found it too posh & certain members of the Cream of the County haven't found it too small BECAUSE THEY'RE MY FRIENDS! :cool:

Give people a chance, Alex - stop judging by appearances, you're missing out on a whole bunch of great friends.

How many of your old friends who fit into the right class/income bracket have stuck by you? 100%, 50%, less?

When we were up the smelly brown creek without a paddle, we "lost" one "friend" (the kind who only calls when they need something :mad:), the rest were there for us. That person only got back to us when we were doing alright again - WHOOOOH did I have fun telling them where to go in front of the WHOLE neighbourhood!

I wish I'd seen this post earlier.

As for my friends, I have tried to avoid everybody for the last five years to the point I am now pretty much left alone in my isolated house with only my wife, child and parents to talk to. I do wonder if one day I'll push them away too.

HPoirot

Hi, didn't want to read and run as you have just posted, this is only the beginning of your debt-free journey and of course it will take time to change a spendthrift mindset. Look at the bright side, you didn't blow all of today's earnings or dip into other earmarked funds, you have made £10 net! Onwards and upwards!