Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

AlexLK

fc123 wrote: »

Evening...I am hooked on your thread now

OMG I am soooo impressed that Mrs K is a structural engineer. Sorry, shallow of me but had to say it.

The other bit in bold.....whilst I prefer to use a bit of anecdotal to suggest possible options etc, I never like to get too judgmental on the psyche stuff (which is generally the underlying issue with all our bad habits) as us humans are terribly complicated animals but I am going to dig you out on that sentence above.

I am reluctant to type what I want to say as it may read with wrong tone ......but are you, or have you had any pro help with your confidence and 'sense of self' issues as to write that you don't feel your son will ever 'fit in' and it's all your fault just cannot be true on any level ?

Why such a low opinion of yourself? I see so many positives in your situation and will bullet point them in a 2nd post.....+ then I really need to knuckle down and do your CC one too. Sorry, I am on a work deadline and my head is a bit cluttered at the mo.


He's 2, he's a toddler, he sounds like he has a great set of parents (yes, I know they are stressed out but 90% of parents with toddlers are) and a great set of pro active grandparents too. Don't worry about the schools yet, another year before you have to decide and don't fret about 'certain types of people' either as the world is made of all sorts and it's healthy to interact + meet all types on the route to adulthood.


How about a couple of afternoons in a nursery? Means you could have some concentrated work time, he gets to socialise and play with a load of other kids. Toddlers are really funny when they are all together.....slightly untamed mini humans.

LOL, glad to hear it.

She loves her job and finds it interesting and intellectually simulating.

As for me, perhaps I am coming across as a much better person on here than I actually am in real life: I am a man who has put my wife through hell and has failed at most things he has put his mind to. Just to top it off, I'm not a particularly nice person either. As for the question of whether I have received professional help for my struggle with depression, I have and I haven't. I did receive quite a bit of help from hospital (it took trying to take my own life for me to admit I had a problem). However, in the last couple of years I haven't been back to the GP after he told me he thought I needed to "pull myself together", he's almost retirement age and very old fashioned.

Patiently waiting for your CC post.

Our son would love to interact with children his own age, this is something I am starting to feel guilty for depriving him of now. We will definitely try to sort something out. I suppose as far as the "certain types of people" go, I just worry for him. This is also pathetic but after what I went through, sometimes I go and watch him peacefully sleep and pray he doesn't turn into me (I'm not really that religious).... not sure why I'm admitting this.

fc123 wrote: »

Secondary is trickier but from experience, there is more drug use amongst the wealthier teens...as they have the cash.

I saw equal neglect (on an emotional level) in an inner London state primary and a top public girls school. An example would be that an alcoholic parent is an alcoholic parent whether they are high earning + living in a 10 bed house or on the dole and living in a high rise...but I am going off topic.

Interesting re. the neglect though I'm not surprised on the drugs, in the slightest.

elvinotintopete

With an attitude like yours you will make it! My wife and started the exact journey 7 years ago and well I have to say, it was an eye opener. We could not understand at the beginning why it was that people in responsible positions (politicians/bankers/financiers etc.) could spend and lose millions and improve their career prospects the more they did so but when a small business man has a heart attack, as I did, and could not work, meaning my business went broke, they lost no time in crucifying me for my 'mistake' of having had such a trauma. I have to say that they never stopped during the whole of the 7 years and even now when we have recovered, cleared our debts, done all the right things still find it difficult even to get a credit card (even though we now have excellent credit scores with all the main agencies and have built back up an income of over £60K per year). How did we survive, just like you two!

We decided that if we lost our sense of humour we were doomed so we took a very positive view of things. Having done so we found that we were positive of four very important things. We were POSITIVE that we were broke! We were POSITIVE that our creditors would not help in any way to ease our burden and we were POSITIVE that the well used 'nil carborundum illegitimi' would become our motto. More importantly we were POSITIVE that like you two seem to be, we would just make the best of a bad job, but more importantly, keep smiling. Our latest episode of having difficulty in getting a credit card give us our latest mirthful phase, because the intelligencia of the finance world tell us the reason we can't have one is that 'we do not have a record of having credit in the last 6 or 7 years'. NOW, I WONDER WHY THAT COULD BE?

So carry on where you mean to go and when you think of the word 'banker' just dream that one day, what goes round, comes round!

We have found solace in people who are prepared to help us (like the lovely bloggers on these forums) and in one other important way. Each year we managed to save up for a short 'Cruise' to 'somewhere or anywhere' with enough money to buy some champagne and for one week, our situation really didn't bother us at all. We survived and so will you. KEEP SMILING! - we look forward to reading your diary! If I can advise you, please ask

AlexLK

fc123: Thank you so much for your post regarding the credit cards, that has been really, really helpful.

AlexLK

elvinotintopete: I see what you've done with your username, haha . (If you don't understand this, read this thread ... I like my wine, LOL).

Thank you for such an uplifting post. Writing my diary on these boards is really helping me to a. come to terms with what I've done (getting into debt) rather than just hiding the fact it's there (as I had been doing) and b. try to change my attitude to a number of things.

fc123

AlexLK wrote: »

wegle: I'm sorry to hear about your experiences. I was a day pupil throughout my schooling (though I did attend a boarding school, parents didn't want me to board, LOL). A lot of these posts are making me feel rather guilty as whilst I wasn't a bully as such at school, I was the type of person to sneer at those who clearly had less than my family did.

I suppose those kids are probably having the last laugh now.

Don't beat yourself up. When DD was @ R school, one wanted to come back for tea to our rented derelict cottage as we lived a short walk away on the cliff top (the house we own is in London) and she was too embarrassed to ask her back so didn't...and my daughter always had mates back for tea every week from her other schools. She didn't tell me this until she had left.

I mean, when you are a kid your life is just your life....it's what you were born into so you wouldn't know any different.

I do know that at the R school, many did feel that 'poor' people were poor and it was their fault, ignoring that fact that if you start out life with a house all paid for or a nice trust fund to fall back on, life is somewhat easier.

Most people start life with nothing but their wits, education and own grit. It can take 20 years of full on graft just to own a half decent house.

AlexLK wrote: »

We did indeed have a lovely time, even Mrs. K. did and had I any of them as I was hoping to do so when we had enough money from the sale of things to give a full and final settlement. Should I be offering something to them now?



?

Yes, get it started as some want you to pay the monthly payment for 6 months before they will consider a F+F.
It means they are all tidied up and once they agree, well, no more letters and calls.:)
Pay by STO (not direct debit) from an account that you know will always have funds available in it.

fc123

I will try to pop back tomo pm with the Positive List (from a random strangers perspective).

I am quite appalled at your GP's response but for the moment endorphins are a good mood lifter (all that exercise).....will return to that topic another time.


Have a look around for a couple of afternoons in a day nursery nearby, the money not spent on wine will cover the cost and see how your lad gets on. I reckon he'll love it.:)

AlexLK

fc123 wrote: »

Don't beat yourself up. When DD was @ R school, one wanted to come back for tea to our rented derelict cottage as we lived a short walk away on the cliff top (the house we own is in London) and she was too embarrassed to ask her back so didn't...and my daughter always had mates back for tea every week from her other schools. She didn't tell me this until she had left.

I mean, when you are a kid your life is just your life....it's what you were born into so you wouldn't know any different.

I do know that at the R school, many did feel that 'poor' people were poor and it was their fault, ignoring that fact that if you start out life with a house all paid for or a nice trust fund to fall back on, life is somewhat easier.

Most people start life with nothing but their wits, education and own grit. It can take 20 years of full on graft just to own a half decent house.

It has taken me getting to this age to realise just what a privileged background I came from. Every last penny my parents gave me, I wasted and they then refused to buy me a house / help with a deposit due to my previous carelessness. To say they were angry at the time would be an understatement, neither of them had a particularly wealthy upbringing.

fc123 wrote: »

Yes, get it started as some want you to pay the monthly payment for 6 months before they will consider a F+F.
It means they are all tidied up and once they agree, well, no more letters and calls.:)
Pay by STO (not direct debit) from an account that you know will always have funds available in it.

Thank you, looks like I'll be making some phone calls tomorrow! Any reason I should not pay by Direct Debit?

7roland8

Cashback sites like TOPCASHBACK or QUIDCO have no real drawbacks - you click through them to get to the site you want - then just purchase in the normal way. Only drawback could be that some sites do not honour what they promise - but most do.

Sunday lunch at mum's sounds lovely - but you are entitled to a Sunday off occasionally surely?

Buying food daily sounds great - would like to do that myself of shops closer - though watch the prices you are paying locally - might be worth comparing prices with Tesco sometimes just to get an idea.

You have come a long way in a short time - try to think of this as a challenge to rise to - rather than a negative scrimping exercise. Its amazing how inventive you will get.

AlexLK

fc123 wrote: »

I will try to pop back tomo pm with the Positive List (from a random strangers perspective).

I am quite appalled at your GP's response but for the moment endorphins are a good mood lifter (all that exercise).....will return to that topic another time.


Have a look around for a couple of afternoons in a day nursery nearby, the money not spent on wine will cover the cost and see how your lad gets on. I reckon he'll love it.:)

Thank you. Mrs. K. keeps telling me I ought not to dwell on the past.

I was told to exercise before and ignored the advice, it appears saving a bit of money was a good motivator.

There are a couple of nurserys locally.

7roland8

AlexLK wrote: »

It has taken me getting to this age to realise just what a privileged background I came from. Every last penny my parents gave me, I wasted and they then refused to buy me a house / help with a deposit due to my previous carelessness. To say they were angry at the time would be an understatement, neither of them had a particularly wealthy upbringing.

Thank you, looks like I'll be making some phone calls tomorrow! Any reason I should not pay by Direct Debit?

Don't look back and worry about what you did when younger. We have all done things we would like to have done differently - but that is with hindsight and you cannot change it - so now look forward. As someone said - if we had all been careful with our money we'd none of us be posting on here!

I think the reason for SO and not DD is that you have to alter a SO amount - while they can alter the DD - but someone may correct me.