Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

7roland8

Didn't want to put you in a gloomy mood - it was just a thought.

Not all people who go to state secondaries end up on the wrong road. I know the gossip of the one my eldest went to was quite bad - more so after he had been there a while (not his fault honest!) - however - while there were rough kids there - he made nice friends and was never in any sort of trouble - so things arn't always as bad as they might seem.

Also you hear loads about drugs etc at private schools - so there is no guarantee wherever they go.

I think the home environment is very important and then they will have your values to fall back on.

7roland8

One thing with eldest son - I would really have liked him to have gone to my old school which was a Grammar.
However he had been to a local playgroup and then on to a primary that catered for this other Comprehensive.
So to me it was more important for him to go with his group of pals to the Comprehensive and feel at home with them than to uproot him and send him to the Grammar where he knew no-one.
For us it worked out fine - he did GCSEs, college for A level equivalent and then Uni.

AlexLK

Here goes! I'm not really very happy with this entry:

Thursday 5th September, 2013.
Day 4.

Dear Diary,

I am grossly aware this entry will not be up to my usual standard for I am aching and tired from a long day mostly spent in the great outdoors after being a lazy so-and-so for many years who didn't even walk a mile to the post office until a couple of days ago. Who'd have thought contributing to this board about my finances would make me try a whole change in lifestyle?

Talking of which, I heard an advertisement for "Wonga" on the radio this morning and for the first time ever I didn't stupidly smirk, wondering how stupid one must be to take out a pay-day loan; I actually felt angry this company was praying on those much less fortunate than I. Aware this change in attitude has come from reading these boards, I have surpassed even my expectations today. However my own debt-busting has been rather quiet with Mrs. K. on a half day at work and I dutifully preparing a picnic for us to enjoy upon the recommendation of you good people. I will be taking your advice more often following my wife's good mood despite her spending the whole afternoon in the company of yours truly.

Following the trip out, we managed to clean the interior of the Land Rover as well as doing a few jobs on it that we'd been meaning to do for a while, in preparation to say goodbye and hello to a new diesel version. Talking of which, we did see one up for sale on our travels. However, it was rusty beyond repair, such is life when one is shopping for an old Land Rover.

Only two days to go until wine-o'clock, though I wonder how I am going to fair tomorrow after dealing with other peoples children? Did I ever tell you how awful a violin sounds the first time one attempts to play it? Oh, the things we do for money!

Summary:
-£6.59 Groceries.
-£82.34 Mrs. K. Petrol (not sure this counts as it's mainly for commuting).

Yours Faithfully,
Alex.

mum2one

heartbreak_star wrote: »

All forms of cliques are a bit intimidating, or just simply annoying.

HBS x

It happens at all schools, despite my DD going in at nursery (although she left in yr 5), the mums all lived near each other, and basically lived in each other houses, although we were only 2 mins the other side of the school as far as the clique went we could have been on the moon,

I even ended up joining the PTA, survived 2 years - the head soon noticed who did the work. I had the last smile.... xx

wegle

Hey Alex, I don't want to get too involved with the state vs private school discussion as I have no children of my own so don't have any experience as a parent. However, I too went to private school, the only difference being I was on a half scholarship and half bursary. I started boarding at age 9 as my parents lived in Saudi Arabia. It did not take long for it to become clear that I was very much the odd one out at my school. I got a lot of stick for being "poor" and "common", made even worse when, god forbid, I got a job at age 16. I remember at one speech day, when everyone's parents would turn up and have picnics on the field, I was speaking to one of the students at his patents picnic spit and his mother (yes his mother), came up to me and asked me if I thought it might be more appropriate if I found a more suitable place to hang out with people more like me. That school had amazing facilities and I got an amazing education but those 9 years were awful. At 16 I walked out of my boarding house and turned up on my grandmothers doorstep refusing to go back. Thankfully she took me in and I became a day pupil. So my point is, bullying can happen anywhere, it only takes a small thing for you to somehow not be acceptable to the bullies. I know this is only my experience and certainly isn't the experience of everyone but the same can be said for regular state schools.

Sorry I went on a bit there!!!!

AlexLK

wegle: I'm sorry to hear about your experiences. I was a day pupil throughout my schooling (though I did attend a boarding school, parents didn't want me to board, LOL). A lot of these posts are making me feel rather guilty as whilst I wasn't a bully as such at school, I was the type of person to sneer at those who clearly had less than my family did.

I suppose those kids are probably having the last laugh now.

mum2one

When I saw diary 4 entry, I was expecting "I've fallen off the wagon and gone and order x amount of pens, and the new winter coat that I put back", but no it was positive, and the wonga advert, it just sums everything up.

That sounds a lovely afternoon with the picnic, sometimes its the simple things in life that come into their own.

We had last week away me, DD (shes 10) and my parents, stayed on a remote farm, (but 15 mins from Rhyl), yep we had trips out, but if you asked DD what was her best (wasn't the circus, the fun fair or even going round the market with mum!!), it was seeing buffalo going past the caravan window (think it was helped by her shrieking mammouth) and the buffallo trying to run for freedom. Its the simple things. Thou she is a holiday abroad girl, pref long haul and 1st class!!

One thing I noticed, you say that 2 of your cards(?) was going through the creditors motion, if that does go through it may be time to look at CCCS, all it is one creditor wont like another being treated more favourably than another, if all got reduced payments that would buy you between 3 and 12 months, (depending on the companies).


Another thought - if any creditors want your income just give them your base income from main job, as teaching, furniture etc there going to be ad-hoc, and tax need paying they may well affect tax credits, its all a case of crossing each bridge as it comes.

Def a good idea to use Sept as a trial month with the where we want to be at the start and what we actually spent.

Things may well change when Mrs K goes back full time, as tax credits may go up and down.

May be worth looking at doing a carboot, while the weather still on side, - you can never guarantee what will sell, but if you can get someone to come with you, (have a table each - park sides ways on - keeps tables in line with the car) and your costs be split.

The weekend begins on a Friday.... maybe a glass of wine 2mor.

I know someone else mentioned cashback, I'm with topcashback and quidco, although to be honest quidco really in back ground, something as simple as looking for a car ins quote can earn £1.50, if you and Mrs K both had topcashback accounts, theres freebies such as sim cards etc, you get paid to recieve them. I always treat cash back as a bonus, I wouldnt buy a £500 policy to get £100 back if I had already been quoted £400 from my insurers, even ebay - you get nectar points.

x

fc123

AlexLK wrote: »

Roland: Unfortunately, I have to admit I know exactly what you mean regarding our son fitting in. I did say to Mrs. K. today that maybe we'd be better off home educating him as I worry he won't fit in at any school, state or private. Worse still, I know that it is my fault.

In truth my wife and I are unlikely to have the sort of funds to live our old lifestyle until I inherit and I'd rather not think about that as I'm very close to my parents (we are a small family of them and me). Whilst Mrs. K. is going to be chasing a promotion at work, she's never going to earn a great amount in this country (Structural Engineer). However, we don't want to move abroad. As for my income I doubt I'll ever be able to face a "proper" job again.

Evening...I am hooked on your thread now

OMG I am soooo impressed that Mrs K is a structural engineer. Sorry, shallow of me but had to say it.

The other bit in bold.....whilst I prefer to use a bit of anecdotal to suggest possible options etc, I never like to get too judgmental on the psyche stuff (which is generally the underlying issue with all our bad habits) as us humans are terribly complicated animals but I am going to dig you out on that sentence above.

I am reluctant to type what I want to say as it may read with wrong tone ......but are you, or have you had any pro help with your confidence and 'sense of self' issues as to write that you don't feel your son will ever 'fit in' and it's all your fault just cannot be true on any level ?

Why such a low opinion of yourself? I see so many positives in your situation and will bullet point them in a 2nd post.....+ then I really need to knuckle down and do your CC one too. Sorry, I am on a work deadline and my head is a bit cluttered at the mo.


He's 2, he's a toddler, he sounds like he has a great set of parents (yes, I know they are stressed out but 90% of parents with toddlers are) and a great set of pro active grandparents too. Don't worry about the schools yet, another year before you have to decide and don't fret about 'certain types of people' either as the world is made of all sorts and it's healthy to interact + meet all types on the route to adulthood.


How about a couple of afternoons in a nursery? Means you could have some concentrated work time, he gets to socialise and play with a load of other kids. Toddlers are really funny when they are all together.....slightly untamed mini humans.

7roland8 wrote: »

Didn't want to put you in a gloomy mood - it was just a thought.

Not all people who go to state secondaries end up on the wrong road. I know the gossip of the one my eldest went to was quite bad - more so after he had been there a while (not his fault honest!) - however - while there were rough kids there - he made nice friends and was never in any sort of trouble - so things arn't always as bad as they might seem.

Also you hear loads about drugs etc at private schools - so there is no guarantee wherever they go.

I think the home environment is very important and then they will have your values to fall back on.

Secondary is trickier but from experience, there is more drug use amongst the wealthier teens...as they have the cash.

I saw equal neglect (on an emotional level) in an inner London state primary and a top public girls school. An example would be that an alcoholic parent is an alcoholic parent whether they are high earning + living in a 10 bed house or on the dole and living in a high rise...but I am going off topic.

AlexLK

mum2one: hahaha, I wasn't happy with my writing for this one and felt I'd let you all down as lots of people have been telling me they enjoy my writing style. Not bought any pens or luxuries at all so far this week. We are trying a new tactic with grocery shopping - buying what we need on the day, you know ... like your granny used to! Anyhow, it seems to be working as we are spending much less.

We did indeed have a lovely time, even Mrs. K. did and had I asked her before, she'd have turned her nose up and said "not for me", as it happens we all enjoyed it and we didn't argue once. I really hope I can carry on this current crop of good behaviour if only to see my wife smile as much as she did today. Yes, that probably sounds a little pathetic but she means the world to me (as does our son).

Buffalo sounds hilarious! Our little boy would have loved that

I'm rather confused as to what creditors motion means? Are you talking of the two at collection agencies? How will they know what I am paying to another? I have held off contacting any of them as I was hoping to do so when we had enough money from the sale of things to give a full and final settlement. Should I be offering something to them now?

I do know we are not getting any more tax credits once Mrs. K is back to full time. We are still entitled to child benefit though, as that only depends on Mrs. K's income and not mine.

Car boot sale could be fun, we have a massive one around here but not sure I want to get up THAT early on a Sunday. Also we have Sunday dinner commitment at my parents every week, I really am making myself out to be a real Mummy's boy here, aren't I? :rotfl:

As far as the wine goes, we have agreed to have our one bottle a week on a Saturday. Perhaps, once I stop thinking about it so much we'll open it on a Friday, have a glass with our dinner and then put it away to finish on Saturday. However, at the moment I don't trust myself not to drink the whole bottle.

We are most certainly signing up for cashback, are there any catches or it is literally money for nothing?

fc123

mum2one wrote: »

Another thought - if any creditors want your income just give them your base income from main job, as teaching, furniture etc there going to be ad-hoc, and tax need paying they may well affect tax credits, its all a case of crossing each bridge as it comes.

Def a good idea to use Sept as a trial month with the where we want to be at the start and what we actually spent.

Things may well change when Mrs K goes back full time, as tax credits may go up and down.



x

Mum2 got one of the impt bits in.

I will tell you what we did and what I helped my brother do as we did ours pre-credit crunch when MBNA's response was to go and get a secured loan on the house to pay them off....errr I don't think so (!) and now times have changed so they have to accept that you cannot borrow from elsewhere to pay them off.

+ MSE mantra is Consolidation is A Very Bad Thing and a No No.

1; I took a template from the national debtline site and customised it adding that we had a reduced income and hoped it would be temporary (which is true for you) but we required 12 months interest free and I prepped an SOA that carefully added up all essentials and then I tallied it up with an income that gave a surplus to allow £50 pcm to each creditor.

Nobody asked for payslips or accounts.

They did ask us for our house value but my brother wasn't asked. I made the value not much more than the mortgage (but confess here that this wasn't true).

Some just refused and kept ringing us but I persevered and refused to make any payments over the 'phone until I had a DMP agreed in writing from them.

OH got caught out as the girls on the phone just agreed but only if he paid £x that day. He did but then no DMP was put in place.
The staff in these centres are on targets to get payments and will do anything to get you to make a payment that day.

Our son worked a vacation summer in a DCA dept (which put him off debt for life)

My bro has 4 cards to sort out.

Barclaycard came straight back with a F+F offer of about 60% of the debt. He pushed it down a bit and settled.

Virgin would only reduce the interest to £40 pcm and are taking £50 pcm from him...but the int was nearer £300 pcm. He plans to save again and make them a F+F offer next year.

the 2 with MBNA are being difficult and are saying he does not have enough surplus to do a dmp. but he does according to his SOA.
Now, I don't know what error he made but it feels to me they are delaying it to shove a load more interest on top before sending it to a DCA.

I did have to report Barclaycard to the Ombudsman and just said that I had tried to arrange a DMP but they had refused. Very shortly after a lovely lady called me, apologised and froze the interest + agreed to £50 pcm .

These debts are like a millstone and you will both be stressed whilst they exist as they are like the elephant in the room.

I know it's a nice thought to want to book a holiday for your wife because you care and feel bad about the situation but, trust me, once you get on top of this and it's gone, she will be less fraught.

Our marriage has been strained to breaking point in the past and when I look back, the really bad times had the money worries at the root.....whether that was when we had debt or just not enough coming into the household. Once you are through it though....well, it's like when you first meet.