This Time I'm Really Going To Do It

Watty1

Suffolk_lass said:

Is the VNM on your vision board? Does he know?

A fair question.  No he is not, because that would need to be a joint vision and would involve discussions about futures and so  on.     The way I look at a vision board is that it is my vision for the future and so should only have that I can influence and create.  Another person will have their own visions and that might not be the same.

That said I did think about what I would like my future life to be like and it does involve a relationship with someone so the ex has not put me off that, I will just be very careful who I pick.  And therefore there is a picture of a small heart shaped money box with the words "wedding fund" written on which symbolises for me that at some point in the future I will share my life completely with someone.

But most certainly not without an agreement in writing about who has what, who owns what, how the finances are divided and what will happen in the event of xxx  Said agreement will be witnessed and signed in triplicate. I have learnt a hard lesson and will not make myself vulnerable again financially.

Humdinger1

Well done @Watty1.  I always said when I parted from exh that if you hold onto grudges, you are still in that relationship.   You are already living a lovely life and it will only improve.  Onwards and upwards love Humdinger xx 

Watty1

Well I maybe still do hold some grudges but they are linked very much with the knowledge that i have learned and that i am, in part, culpable because I "should" have protected myself.   

This morning I rode Charming Cob then had a breakfast out date with the VNM.  I do love a breakfast out date, a full English breakfast, tea and toast.  So much better than a dinner date where I am tired and end up drinking wine I don't really want because I am tired!   We had a lovely relaxed chatter and just enjoyed the meal and the view onto the hotel/pub gardens.   Gorgeous.

The VNM loved the vision board, did indeed note the wedding fund picture and was just so lovely when I explained its symbolism to me and we had a very nice chat about our visions and hopes for the future  which was just so lovely and calm and adult.  Whatever happens there, for now, I do  as @Humdinger1 says "have a lovely life".

Now I am back to the office. I am still working on a plan to make some extra money (a specialised online course for my profession.  The profession is not well paid but I have mentioned my idea to a few and have had a lot of interest so I think it will sell).   I am pleased with how this is going and have promised myself I will have the bulk of the work done this weekend so my afternoon and evening are to be spent in the office working on that.

KajiKita

What a least a lovely day you are having - delighted that VNM and you could have a calm open chat about possibilities for the future 😊 Well done on the online course idea 👏 Keep us posted and we can keep you accountable for getting it done, if that would help? 😊

KK 

daisy_1571

This sounds such a lovely post.  Theres much to be said about a life of high adventure, all wild highsof happiness and plunging lows however I think a very overlooked word is contentment and your post makes me feel very contented as I read it.  Things coming together, long term plans made, discussions, enjoyable outing etc.  Thank you for imbuing me with a gorgeous warm golden glow of contentment and I wish to return it through the ether for you to enjoy too.

Daisy xx

Watty1

KajiKita said:

Well done on the online course idea 👏 Keep us posted and we can keep you accountable for getting it done, if that would help? 😊

KK 

Yes please¬ I have been thinking about this and yes please it would help.

Here is the thing, I had the idea in 2017/18  -   old readers might remember that this is when things were really in a mess with the ex.  I was not aware of it at the time but my confidence hit a low. I have found my notes from then, they are really good.   I was surprised how good but at that point I lacked in belief in my self.

I'm putting myself back together now and I do have wobbles but I think I can do it so yes, you keeping me accountable would be really good.

So:  my update:  yesterday I spoke to someone I am going to do a live interview with as part of the course.  In return she gets the course material for free.  So that is now ticked off.  

Today I have a lot of work to do so am not planning anything on the course.  That might have to wait until the weekend as I have a long to do list for work stuff - but - I will tidy the desk the material that is left is sitting on!

Watty1

In fun stuff, I found a lovely photo frame in the charity shop for £1.  Across the corner diagonally it reads " me and my horse" in silver and on the other corner are hoof prints. I printed up a photo of me and the Charming Cob at the Agility Event we went too - it is of him standing in a pit of bubbles with me holding a golf umbrella and grinning away.   I love it - it represents my new life.    Having fun, doing something like horse agility I've wanted to do.  I've taken down the photos from life "before" and I will add more from this new life.

(Shopping in charity shops is my new found fun thing to do, I never realised you could find so many wonderful things, I'm decluttering again but I am sure I am refilling the house too LOL)

daisy_1571

Sounds like a great charity shop find    

Daisy xx

KajiKita

I like the idea of changing the images around you from ‘before’ to ‘now’ - very powerful ❤️

Maybe at the weekend you could set a plan for all the steps needed to make the course happen - from any remaining research needed (probably not needed by the sounds of things 😊), course material prep, handouts and freebies (if there are to be any), fees and payment structure and a few test runs on some willing Guinea pigs? 

KK 

LadyWithAPlan

Great to see you moving onwards and upwards Watty - the course sounds great as does the vision board and these fabulous charity finds! I was just abroad and went to a favourite cheap charity shop there and it feels amazing scoring something few people have  

I have a beautiful piece of art I bought myself when I was away with an long term ex - however on that trip he went weird - not in an obvious way but  I really felt something had shifted - distance wise in his heart - so when we split up I sent the art piece to my parents - I could have it back now but it looks great there so it can wait. 

Equally I have pics that ex’s bought me or art I bought when They were there and it took a while after break up to enjoy the pieces again - sometimes a year or 2 or 3! so maybe put the old away for a while rather than dumping it all - the odd piece you really loved - the love will come back and override the memories given enough time