This Time I'm Really Going To Do It

badmemory

Please don't beat yourself up over this.  All you have done is prove that you are a nice person.

You should have seen me on the 150mile drive home, after almost being in tears of sympathy.  I spent almost all that drive home saying to myself you idiot you should have told him you hoped she would leave him.  But it was my trigger to finally be able to get him out of my life as I could no longer depend on his financing & even once he had to start paying again it didn't matter.  But even then he kept trying to control.  He was supposed to pay me direct into my account but in all the years he never did he always sent a cheque.

You too will find your freedom.  Once you see through them they become irrelevant.

LadyWithAPlan

There was a v interesting Guardian article on how a woman spent so much time on mumsnet and saw the various awful ways ex partners behaved and tried to control the mums that she started hating men so had to stop being part of the community! 

Not that this is that of course at all - shared experiences are important and seeing that pull of the ex as they still try to get in your way .. I am ‘we are done I’m off kinda gal..’ Less chance to mess with your head.  

I have tried staying friends but often the person they showed themselves to you whilst they were dating or in love with you is v different to the normal person 
I do have friends who remain long term friends with ex’s but it’s normally after years apart whilst they have both moved on and they have changed a lot. 

Whilst  I am sad and angry about what you had to go through  Watty - some people will have read this and stopped OP when they not married and thus legally tied together financially. So your pain has changed some people’s lives and you will never know. 

Some  people behave appallingly and somehow seem to get away with it - but they don’t really - it’s just we don’t see the aftermath, the health, losing the respect of others and their own self respect 

Watty1

All very wise comments.     If one person stops overpaying as a result of this and learns then it was worth sharing.   

Sharing here has also bought me so much support and a new perspective and I am very much still standing because of that so thank each and every one of you.

Watty1

A nice tale:  yesterday I took WattyDog to the very posh country hotel.  We walked across the field and I wanted to sit in the grounds with a pot of tea and walk back.   Leaving him outside for a moment because he is not allowed in I asked for a pot of tea, and seeing all the people with their lovely posh afternoon teas i asked for a small square of cake to go with it.

I was offered a cream tea. Nope, I didn't want that just a small square of cake.   I was given the a-la carte menu.  I read it, laughed and said it is all lovely but I only wanted a small square and that only because I had seen the stands in the lounge.  As that seemed impossible I'd just have the tea.    The waiter smiled and said "its on us".    Stunned I sat outside. The tea came and a minute later the most gorgeous cake arrived, 2 small squares of sponge with jam and cream, decorated with a couple of blueberries and a strawberry and a sort of chocolate flag.  It was stunning.   Then a few more minutes and a treat for WattyDog was bought out because the water felt so bad that there was nothing for WattyDog on the tray.    LOL  Two members of staff came and made a fuss of him.    

I went into pay - I know he had said the tea was on the house but the cake was stunning.  The waitress could not find my table and the original man came out and said "its all taken care of".   I was astounded.  How lovely was that.

What a fabulous end to the afternoon.

Karmacat

Wow, Watty!  There are good people about!  And a good company too, that the staff felt confident enough to do that.  Brilliant.

badmemory

That one good can outweigh a load of bad.  People can be so special.

ajmoney

Good things happen when they are supposed to. It was heart warming for you and will have been for them too x

carolbee

What a lovely thing to happen for you. 

KajiKita

What a gorgeously, sparkly, happy thing for you that will become a treasured new memory 😊❤️

KK

Watty1

Thank you all. It really was a lovely thing.   It lifted me a lot.  

Quick chat with an accountant yesterday who said he knew very little about Stamp Duty but he didn't think my solicitor was correct and I should go back and check it.  So I did, then later yesterday I had a phone call from the very same solicitor saying he was incorrect, he had checked with a "learned colleague" and there was no stamp duty to pay.

Now, I don't think this is correct either from my research, but, I am going to go with "no stamp duty" as that is a considerable saving and that is now their advice so ultimately it will be a "problem shared" if wrong, and, as I don't have the money set aside for that I'm going with all good, no stamp duty.

So tired I decided to go to bed at 7.45, got into bed and discovered it was actually 6.55, I'm not even making it until 7pm now!   Watched Netflix (have renewed my subscription) for a bit but still struggled to get up this morning.   Seems the emotional toll is working its way out.