This Time I'm Really Going To Do It

Watty1

themadvix wrote: »

Don't you just love family?! At least you've got the telling them over with.

Well yes that is a relief ....need to find out if can collect death certificate later today as papers now been sent to doctor from coroners office.

Karmacat

Starting with my brother in law's death in 2009, I've come across *so* many families where one member has created a horrendous situation - hope your brother doesn't follow through on anything like that.

I'm glad Sheffield went so well! One little bright spot in the darkness.

greent

Just caught up - so sorry to hear your news, watty Both my dad and OH's mum died unexpectedly (and in early 60s, so young with it) - it's a crazy time afterwards, dealing with things/ people (as it is in any death, tbh) Take care of yourself - and I'm so glad that kitten is now a pet

Also echo kc and hope brother doesn't cause any issues.. xx

Watty1

thanks Greent and KC.
I feel there is an awful situation just over the horizon and am absolutely fuming about it. And Mr Watty is just making it worse in my humble opinion by trying to be inclusive and offering to disregard will and rejig everything to suit the others ... I resolved not to say anything and my resolve lasted all of two hours ...... I am not a patient woman.


Funeral plans made. We had decided to go for a simple direct cremation with no one in attendance. The family hasn't seen dad for many years and over the last five years all his mates seem to have drifted away so we would just be contacting people and asking them to come just for the sake of it. Mr Watty felt that was a pointless exercise.


Mother in law not happy.


Revised funeral plans. Am actually really pleased with what has been arranged now as I feel it will really work and if anyone wants to come along they can.


Found excellent funeral director as a result of an extensive google search. Spoke to one man who called me darling in such sugary tones I wouldn't work with him ever ....what is up with these funeral director? Interviewed google and found another lovely woman and actually felt uplifted and cheered by sorting out service with her. Just waiting for the arrangements to be confirmed now.

Watty1

Funeral director just rang back with price. £1780 all in.


Can see how most people would not shop around at this time and be taken advantage of ... or persuaded to take things that are not needed.

Karmacat

Watty, I'm glad you've decided to go with something that suits *you*, not Mr Watty - its your dad, isn't it? Thats a genuine question, not a rhetorical one. And you're the one at home making the decisions. And ... disregarding the will? Who's the executor? It all sounds troubling which makes me extra glad you've decided to make the arrangements suit *you* a bit more.

xxx


ETA - thats a very good price! Are you happy with what you're getting for that?

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Watty1

Karmacat wrote: »

Watty, I'm glad you've decided to go with something that suits *you*, not Mr Watty - its your dad, isn't it? Thats a genuine question, not a rhetorical one.

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No it is Mr Watty's step dad. Mr Watty wanted to do a simple direct cremation with no-one there. Mr Watty's mother was really upset by this. She was upset not because she wants something more for dad - but - because she thinks that is what Mr Watty would do for her. Actually we wouldn't because she has lots of friends and is a spiritual church goer so we would be very respectful and appropriate. We have told her that but she is still worried by this. Dad (in law) doesn't have anyone but me and Mr Watty so a funeral is a pointless exercise in spending money.
Mr Watty is far too nice to his family in my opinion and as his mother wants a funeral for dad she will get one. (She has been divorced for over 40 years and hasn't seen him since leaving him and doesn't actually want to come she just wants one held !!)

Karmacat wrote: »

ETA - thats a very good price! Are you happy with what you're getting for that?

Save

Absolutely!! Simple coffin, covered with a teal cloth and placed in chapel before we arrive. No undertakers and pall bearers bringing in coffin as coffin will already be there in chapel. It will be the first service of the day. Mozart music playing. Candles lit. No service just time for 20 mins of quiet reflection and/or meditation. Then leave. Ashes to be returned to us for scattering in dad's garden which is absolutely what he would have wanted done with them.


Mr Watty is happy with this as it is a compromise between having the service his mother wants (but wont attend) and the direct cremation with no fuss Mr Watty wanted.


I think I have organised rather well really

Both Mr Watty and I will like the peace and simplicity of this. The quietness seems and feels appropriate.

And if Mother in Law wants to come then I have checked that the hotel nearby serves breakfast until 10 am so we will go there for a breakfast afterwards.

hiddenshadow

The new plan sounds so nice and peaceful. Glad you found someone to work with that you like and isn't charging ridiculous prices. Shame MIL is being so silly, but people get weirdly emotional/non-rational about things at times like these.

I hope the will situation isn't too horrible.

greent

Sounds like an appropriate 'service' and a good compromise all round. Good price, too. x

apple_muncher

That is a beautiful send off. And finding the right funeral director is priceless.

We cremated dad - he always loved a good bonfire! And we had music from The Archers, Test Match Special and suchlike.