Car dented in car park again.

fivetide

Still a classic even if it is now six years old! Daily Mash, edited for swears.
People Who Know How To ******* Park On Brink Of Extinction

DRIVERS who can position their car in the middle of a parking space at a supermarket are sliding closer to extinction, conservationists have warned.





Research teams have recorded a sharp decline in numbers over the last decade, despite strenuous efforts to educate the public about how easy it is to just put your car in the middle of a parking space.

Dr Tom Logan, head of species protection at the WWF, said: “There is a series of white lines separated by spaces roughly the same width as a car, plus a little bit more. Let’s think of that as the first Great Big ******* Clue shall we?

“As we approach, we then have to ask ourselves: ‘do I park on the white line, do I straddle the white line or do I get my huge, chocolate-covered face out of my fat, greedy, unwashed backside and just put the ******* car in the middle of the ******* space?’”

Conservationists have blamed the crisis on a combination of poaching, loss of habitat and an unbelievable selfishness by a bunch of total and complete gimps who deserve to die on a spike.

“There are now less than 50 people in the UK who are able to do this,” said Dr Logan. “That’s not just a tragedy for our planet, it’s doing my head in every time I go to Homebase.”

WWF warned that drivers who can park in the middle of a space will soon share the fate of people who knew not to park four feet from the kerb, extinct since 1993.

Dr Logan added: “A mountain gorilla could do this with its eyes shut, but for some reason the average British motorist seems to think every car park in the world was made just for them.

“Or maybe they’ve heard that if they park on the white line Graham-flippin' - Norton is going to jump out from behind a bottle-bank and send them on holiday to Orlando.

“Anyway, the point is we need more money.”

Strider590

Gordon_Hose wrote: »

I make a point of never hitting anyone else's door with mine, regardless of how old, or new, their car is.

I think as time goes on, cars become more and more of a consumable item, people know less about them, people respect them less and people treat them more like an extension of their living room.

Yolina

Strider590 wrote: »

I think as time goes on, cars become more and more of a consumable item, people know less about them, people respect them less and people treat them more like an extension of their living room.

Indeed. If I have no choice but to park next to a car, I try to go for older but well looked after cars if possible. Saw a 62 plate bmw on the supermarket car park today covered in bird carp and with nicely kerbed alloys, avoided the space next to that :rotfl:

Edit: and parking next to an "expensive" car isn't always the best because "expensive" all depends on the price of the car relative to wealth of the owner. I have a friend who earns high 6 figures so to him a £200k car is just "a decent car". Won't find his toy parked at the supermarket though, his housekeeper does the shopping

Foxy-Stoat_3

Just accept the fact that your car will at some point in your ownership get carpark dents, if not already.

I was in my car in a carpark couple of years ago and a nice chap parked next to me and opened his door straight onto my passenger door, he said "very sorry"...I just smiled and waved....he walked off so I opened my passenger door and kicked it onto his door a few times onto his car and drove off, I did say "very sorry" but he was too far away to hear sadly.....all is still well with the world.

oliverr

What I always tend to do is park next to a car thats in best condition as possible. I don't go round inspecting the cars before I park there or anything, that would be odd it's just common sense I try and avoid older cars with dings and scratches or any car with scrapes or just a car where it looks like the owner doesn't care in what it's looks like.

Of course, someone can go and someone else can come and park there so there's no way to guarantee your car doesn't get whacked by next door's door but I haven't been dented for a long while. I remember once I was sitting in the car and a 6, 7 year old came up, saw I was in the car but still proceeded to fling open the back door of their car with quite some force... grr :mad:

Hope you get it sorted out.

2010

Gordon_Hose wrote: »

I make a point of never hitting anyone else's door with mine, regardless of how old, or new, their car is.

Unless on a very windy day, as you open your door, the wind catches hold of it and smacks it right into the next car.

This I fear happens quite often, even to careful people.

Gordon_Hose

2010 wrote: »

Unless on a very windy day, as you open your door, the wind catches hold of it and smacks it right into the next car.

This I fear happens quite often, even to careful people.

I can honestly say that in 16 years of driving I've never had the door whipped out of my hand by the wind.

looking_forward

OddballJamie wrote: »

The eventual fines would cost more than Chips Away fixing the dings.

Sadly not all dings can be fixed by chips away ,my daughter's car was slammed so hard by someone in a discovery that the dent man could not get the crease out - it needs proper bodyshop attention .

maintenanceman

Gordon_Hose wrote: »

I can honestly say that in 16 years of driving I've never had the door whipped out of my hand by the wind.

This actually happened to me. Delivery van one guy loading a washing machine into the van. Gust of wind took the door and slammed into mine. Luckely I was in the car at the time. When I parked up the van was closed and no one about. It was gust one of those things.

warwick_hunt_2

Things I try to avoid when parking amongst the hoi-palloi!

1. Three door cars and coupes. Longer doors need to open further.
2. Any car with the drivers seat pushed up to the steering wheel (see above)
3. Rusty old, battle scarred knackers.
4. Works vans.
5. Anything with a child seat.
6. Trolley bays, I've seen too many runaway trollies.
7. The badly parked (edge of bay, diagonally etc).
8. Finally, any car parked 'correctly' (backed in) for fear of trolley being squeezed between cars to load boot (who's car are they going to avoid scratching, clue: not yours!)

The trouble is, when you think you've successfully avoided all this and parked at the space furthest away from the shop, you'll come out and some kindly, well-meaning soul will have taken pity on your car, thinking it's lonely and cuddled their car up next to it. :mad: