Wife being bullied at work

Kayalana99

arbroath_lass wrote: »

I wish you were correct but (IMO) nobody calls anyone fat without realising it is likely to be offensive and upsetting. Certainly not in a workplace.

I comepely disagree with this, when your pregnat its seen as being 'OK' to be fat so you do get it loads. I had one person mainly as I said calling me chubby that was annoying but it was good hearted - but on top of that you get all the off handed comments "Oh your so big!!" Etc etc.

Glad we could be some help to you OP. The post above about writing down bullying and basicly saying to their face thats what she was doing made me laugh.

Your OH sounds like me..I am quite timid and won't stand up for myself unless its really important..would rather sweep things under the rug I could never in a million years do something like that (Although admit it would be effective!! ) :rotfl:

arbroath_lass

Southend1 wrote: »

You'd be surprised what people do and say thinking it's a joke and not realising how offended the other person is.

Kayalana99 wrote: »

I comepely disagree with this, when your pregnat its seen as being 'OK' to be fat so you do get it loads. I had one person mainly as I said calling me chubby that was annoying but it was good hearted - but on top of that you get all the off handed comments "Oh your so big!!" Etc etc.

I guess we'll have to agree to disagree on this one. There is a huge difference between friends teasing (they know what is acceptable to you) and behaviour in the workplace. Nobody should have to say this is unacceptable behaviour to a boss or colleague.

Unfortunately the OP's wife has been put in this unfortunate position. I hope she finds a way to deal with this.

themull1

I got called 'sumo' when i was pregnant off my boss as a joke, but i'm thick skinned, so it didnt bother me. If your wife is really bothered with the comments, she should say something, even if its just to jokingly say ' I see you havent read the email on harrassment then' if the boss says anything.

Southend1

arbroath_lass wrote: »

I guess we'll have to agree to disagree on this one. There is a huge difference between friends teasing (they know what is acceptable to you) and behaviour in the workplace. Nobody should have to say this is unacceptable behaviour to a boss or colleague.

Unfortunately the OP's wife has been put in this unfortunate position. I hope she finds a way to deal with this.

People are all so different that crossed wires like this happen all the time, at home, at work, socially etc.

If done in an adult way, telling another person you are offended by something they have said or done shouldn't be a problem whatsoever for either party.

Running to HR or the big boss straight away over something like this will just make OP's wife look a little silly. The first question she is asked will be whether she pointed out the behaviour as unacceptable.

Of course if there was anything more serious e.g. Sexual harassment then that would call for a different approach as the behaviour is clearly unacceptable.

wiogs

If the wife feels bullied then she is being bullied. That's how bullying works.
Bullying is a serious issue, but doesn't seem to rate as such for some people.

If, as I posted earlier, she doesn't feel she can speak to the boss regarding this then HR is a sensible route to go.

Southend1

wiogs wrote: »

If the wife feels bullied then she is being bullied. That's how bullying works.
Bullying is a serious issue, but doesn't seem to rate as such for some people.

If, as I posted earlier, she doesn't feel she can speak to the boss regarding this then HR is a sensible route to go.

Bullying involves negative behaviour being targeted at an individual, or individuals, repeatedly and persistently over time.

There is no pattern here. OP's wife has received one or two unwanted comments, this does not in itself amount to bullying.

Bullying is an extremely serious issue and can be hugely destructive for victims, organisations and even the perpetrators themselves. However, one or two unwanted comments does not amount to bullying.

wiogs

How do you know there have been only one or two comments?

The wife feels bullied by this individual.

She can speak to them and voice her concerns or raise it with HR.

The company should have a policy on bullying so reading up on that may well give her a helpful course of action.

Southend1

wiogs wrote: »

How do you know there have been only one or two comments?

The wife feels bullied by this individual.

She can speak to them and voice her concerns or raise it with HR.

The company should have a policy on bullying so reading up on that may well give her a helpful course of action.

Yes it's a good idea to check the policy on bullying.

OP please don't let your wife jump in all guns blazing though, it won't do her any favours. Even if this does turn out to be bullying, the first thing to do is to speak to the person making the comments calmly and politely, explaining what is being said and how it makes her feel and asking for it not to happen again.

If your wife needs support in approaching the boss then her union rep or a trusted colleague should be able to help.

Be aware that HR are extremely unlikely to acknowledge bullying even if there is clear evidence that bullying is occurring so they will not be much help at this stage.

Takeaway_Addict

wiogs wrote: »

If the wife feels bullied then she is being bullied. That's how bullying works.
Bullying is a serious issue, but doesn't seem to rate as such for some people.

If, as I posted earlier, she doesn't feel she can speak to the boss regarding this then HR is a sensible route to go.

It really isn't you know....

I could say it feels like you are bullying me via this post...of course you are not.

Just because some accuses someone else of bullying doesn't mean this is the case...even if they genuinely feel like it is.

wiogs

Hopefully the OP has enough info to help his wife decide how she wishes to proceed.

I hope it all works out okay.