Wife being bullied at work

Olza23

Hi all

Thanks in advance for reading this, please bear with me!

My wife works for a well known high-street bank and has worked there on a full-time basis for around 3 years now. She has been back from maternity leave but will be going back on again in a few weeks (don't ask) :j:rotfl:

More to the point, with my wife being 31 weeks pregnant it's safe to say she has a baby bump, which her boss seems to think it's acceptable for her to refer to it as "fat".

My wife comes home upset as I'm sure you can imagine is hormonal at the moment, it's really frustrating me, not the fact she is hormonal or she is upset but the fact it is happening in the first place. I've been a long time lurker/poster on this website and my first though was to reccomend that my wife makes a note of the time and date of when the comments made but then will it just be a case of she said he said etc?

The comments are petty referring to her weight and size but its more the fact she thinks it's acceptable to do so? Part of me says to phone her manager herself and talk to her and tell her what she is doing is totally unacceptable but I want to know what the best method is? My wife is anxious if I do this that a atmosphere will be created.

I'm unsure what to do, shall I talk to her? Speak to her boss' boss?

What would you do?

Ironicly, my wife today came back and said they all got a E-mail today about harrassment in the office and how it can cause stress to employees..

I would type the things/names she is being called but don't know why it would help, but if required I will.:mad::mad:

Kayalana99

I think you should stay out of it. She will be back off work soon and she doesn't want to create tension in the work place...so she won't appreicate it if you do something and could potenically make things worse for her.

I had the same problem with a collegue at work, but it sounds like its affecting your wife more..she called me chubby as a nickname but I just took it on the chin as I knew thats what she was like. (34 weeks here but I already left )

Her boss probally just thinks its abit of fun and doesn't realise its affecting your wife - and probally doesn't have any ill intentions whatsoever.

Your wife needs to talk to her discreetly and tell her its bothering her or ignore it and wait till shes off work.

Don't get involved unless SHE asks you to. She won't thank you for it.

wiogs

Your wife, not you, needs to deal with it.

If she is uncomfortable speaking to the person involved she should speak to the HR department and explain her concerns.


They "should" deal with it in the professional way.

~Beanie~

As much as you want to protect your wife, I do think that she needs to say something herself, you shouldn't be getting involved.

If I were your wife, I would have a word with the person in question and tell them that I don't like the comments that she makes and that they are unacceptable. Maybe the boss doesn't understand how much they upset your wife.

If that didn't work, I would then go to her bosses boss.

Southend1

The first thing she must do is to tell the person concerned what they are doing and how it makes her feel. Hopefully this will put an end to it but if not, do come back here for further guidance.

Olza23

Hi all

thanks for all your responses and more important the reality check! I will stay well out of it! I've told my wife she needs to talk to her boss but she is a timid soul so it's not really in her nature! She understands she needs to stand up for herself but easier said than done..

Southend1

Chances are her boss will be mortified when she realises how upset your wife is so don't think of it as confronting or standing up to her at this stage, it's just a heads up that she's uncomfortable with some of the comments made.

wiogs

If she really feels she can't talk to her boss then go the HR route. That is one of their functions.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

When we say for her to take notes of time and place, you do it very obviously, and slowly, each time, and if asked say 'I have been advised to record every incident of bullying' and say no more. It's not the notes that stop the bully, its the fact that you say it's a bullying incident, and that you have taken advice, and it is now being recorded AND you are noting down exactly what was said and who the witnesses are.

arbroath_lass

Southend1 wrote: »

Chances are her boss will be mortified when she realises how upset your wife is so don't think of it as confronting or standing up to her at this stage, it's just a heads up that she's uncomfortable with some of the comments made.

I wish you were correct but (IMO) nobody calls anyone fat without realising it is likely to be offensive and upsetting. Certainly not in a workplace.

Southend1

arbroath_lass wrote: »

I wish you were correct but (IMO) nobody calls anyone fat without realising it is likely to be offensive and upsetting. Certainly not in a workplace.

You'd be surprised what people do and say thinking it's a joke and not realising how offended the other person is.

I'm the first to stand up for victims of bullying, I've been one myself, but from the information given here there's nothing to suggest OP's wife is being bullied. A quiet word will hopefully be all that's needed. That's always the first place to start, even in cases where there is obvious bullying behaviour. If you don't make clear the other person's behaviour is unacceptable you will be seen to have accepted the behaviour and won't have a leg to stand on further down the line with grievances.