Help !!!

missylou_2

Hi,

Hope someone can help me with this post asap!

Am having a few probs with CSA handling my child maintainance and need some advice.

Am PWC of an adorable, delightful, and totally charming eight year old boy who the CSA have at best periodically collected maintainance for.

I will be totally honest and admit that I have less than positive feelings towards his absent parent, however am less than happy with current events.

CSA don't seem to understand that I dont want to crucify OP just want some form of contribution to uor child's upkeep. Although we have a substantial amount of arrears accrued I don't really care! All I want is to ensure that our son is well enough provided for in the present/future. Have expressed these feelings to staff on several occasions yet our case has still been referred to debt collectors (although have always been a private client and cannot possibly owe arrears to seceretary of state)!

Like previously mentioned have some residual bitterness but do not want to destroy any more lives any further so how do I make this about now and future and not what has already happened?

Thank You

kelloggs36

If you are a private client you can ask them not to collect the arrears on your behalf - it is your choice. If you are on benefits then the money isn't yours to have, it belongs to the Secretary of State so they will and have to recover it.

missylou_2

Thank You,

I don't receive any state benefits, and never have done.

Not really sure if he is on benefits as we have had no contact for over seven years, (apart that is from him telling me he had bought a bigger house, better car, and goes out every weekend!)

But as his current assessment is for £345.00/month plus arrears, (which as yet has remained unpaid) then I doubt he is receiving any state help!

welshcakes

missylou

The CSA can easily check with Inland Revenue whether he is 1) on benefits and if not 2) the name of his employer/whether he is registered self employed. They have just done this for me and even gave me the name of his employer company (though I didn't think they had a right to disclose this info).


The CSA have done the right thing to get it to a Debt Collector so I'm not sure why you feel they are being heavy handed or that they are failing to effectively address your case. Have they previously attempted attachment to Earnings Orders etc?

missylou_2

Don't really know how to explain this without sounding completely mad nonetheless I will try!

I want him to contribute for now and the future so that I can hopefully improve my son's standard of living. To me enforcing collection of the arrears is pointless as we cannot go back and re-live that time and actually use the money for its intended purpose. Having it now won't change our lived experience.

I am looking for contributions towards necessities such as food and clothing: nothing more.

The OP and myself have no contact whatsoever so I have no real idea what his personal circumstances are and what kind of commitments he has in his life at present. Whereas for personal reasons I harbour what could only be described as an unhealthy level of bitterness and contempt for him, I don't want to be responsible for messing up his life by burdening him with a huge debt to a debt collection agency.

I don't want to put such unreasonable financial pressure on him that he ends up destitute and homeless as well as being blacklisted for future credit I just want him to contribute to the upkeep of a child we created together.

Told you I would sound crazy but there you go!

In answer to the other part of your question he changes jobs frequently but a DEO is always put in place after he has been traced through HMRC search but this always takes several months to happen. we usually receive a few payments before he leaves present employer and the whole process has to begin again.

kelloggs36

He isn't going to comply - it won't make any difference at all. The money he owes you could be put aside for your child's future so he can benefit from it - don't deny him that. Your ex has a legal duty to maintain his child -and it doesn't look like he has any intentions of doing so, just letting him off the arrears won't make him pay in the future.

missylou_2

Don't understand why but I feel responsible and guilty about this happening to him.

Thank you for putting it more in perspective.

TheWaltons_3

missylou wrote: »

Don't understand why but I feel responsible and guilty about this happening to him.

Thank you for putting it more in perspective.

I think you're on the wrong board if you understanding on this one, it seems to me like most women/men want blood and couldn't care less.


I see exactly where you're coming from here, I personally wouldn't want to see someone so screwed over financially, however, I would expect a meeting in between.Is there any way you can contact him and come to some sort of civilised agreement?

To be honest though, it looks like things have gone too far, especially with the CSA now referring it to a debt collection agency.

laurz

I'm having an awful time with the CSA. I just want to let off steam. My ex walked out when my boy was six weeks old and has had no contact with him since. I contacted the CSA then and have had not a penny. I phone them constantly!!!!! My ex IS willing to pay but because he has 2 other kids they can't work out how much he should pay. my son is now 17 mnths. Is this not what they are paid to work out?
howcome it's taking over a year to type in a few numbers into their calculator. Ofcourse the arrears will be paid back at 50p a month or something ridiculous like that.

missylou_2

Sadly no, we have no open lines of communication, last contact was a Christmas card in 1999!

welshcakes

missylou

Kelloggs is right you know. She and I both have older children and both battling to get years of arrears, not because we want a luxury life (though I will be on the maiden vyage of K's yacht Champagne party) but because it costs an absolute fortune to raise kids well. Believe me when I say, it doesn't get cheaper when they become teenagers!

I bet if you had a think about what you could do with say a £1000cheque that landed on your doormat tomorrow, you could divvy it up very quickly and with little change for and treats for yourself.

Please don't feel guilty about trying to give your child the best start in life. It's true that for a good hearted child, money means nothing without love but in reality a home where there is less stress on mum trying to make ends meet will make a huge difference to any child.

My ex isn't a nice man but that's his choice. I have no desire to ruin his or his girlfriend's life however I think it is a right of every child to be regarded by their parents and it is the moral obligation of every parent to acknowledge and be accountable for the child they brought into the world.