Interfaith marriages-do they work?

VestanPance

My mum was catholic, went to see the Pope, trips to Lourdes, active in the chapel organising events etc. My dad was pretty much as non-religious as you can get. He was never christened and had no interest in religion at all. They were happily married for nearly 50 years until they both passed away.

My mum raised all three kids as catholic. Now as adults none of us are at all religious. Two are atheists, one is agnostic.

fashionlover10

I was raised in an Irish Roman Catholic household but would now consider myself to be an atheist whilst OH never really had much to do with religion growing up and is also an atheist.

We have discussed the issue of religion and raising children in quite a lot of detail. I seem to have more of a strong view against it, probably due to my upbringing. We agree on sending any children to a non-denomination school and providing them with an opportunity to decide any religious beliefs for themselves rather than us forcing our own views on them.

duchy

lostinrates wrote: »

I've never lived in NY, and knew plenty of agnostics and atheists in US (nd other non christians). Bil has just moved to a new place (neither la nor ny nor anywhere like, bit of a culture shock) and is having no problems.

(Edit, sorry, went off line in the middle off that)

Anyway, my experience in US is first hand, and spans well, a long time, though not recent years. None of it is NY based, some is LA based, but I am mainly thinking of normal us. My experience, even more shocking , is mainly in the southern states. Yep, even there, the heathen non Christian exists.

Absolutely correct in recent years too (also from first hand experience and not just in the South )

Mrs_Z

Not sure if this counts as a different religion as such, I'm a protestant whereas OH is catholic. Never an issue for us, don't think it was ever even discussed. More of a problem for MIL though, she was relieved to hear we got married in a register office (and not in a church).I believe in God but not in religion. In my opinion religion is the biggest killer in the world.

duchy

margaretclare wrote: »

I think the main problem is: some faiths are a lot less tolerant than are others. It has been said that Christians should be tolerant of others. I think that Christians are a lot more tolerant than some.



.

I think it depends on your "brand" of Christianity -We've mentioned here Catholics who insist their child is Christened even if the spouse is not Catholic and some of the fundamentalist Christian churches are pretty unbending .

seven-day-weekend

margaretclare wrote: »

I think the main problem is: some faiths are a lot less tolerant than are others. It has been said that Christians should be tolerant of others. I think that Christians are a lot more tolerant than some.

In Islam, they expect the non-Muslim partner to convert. Once converted, there is no going back. Children are assumed to be Muslim from the start. Any Muslim who wants to convert out is deemed to be an apostate, which can be punishable by death.

In Judaism, it's something you're born into, down the maternal line, so can't change from. 'Marrying out' is a heinous sin i.e. marrying a non-Jew. In some very devout families they treat it as death and can go through the whole bereavement and grieving process, before never mentioning the name again.

DH was brought up as a Jew, his brother calls himself a 'secular ethnic Jew'. However, DH chose to be a Christian. He says he's 'always been a believer', way way back, he doesn't know for how long. He chose to go into school assembly when he could have stayed outside, and he learned the basics of Christianity like the Lord's Prayer. He was baptised and confirmed in his 70th year. There are still cousins who refuse to speak to him.

How lovely, MC

I have a friend who was also baptised and confirmed in her 70s a few months ago.

lostinrates

duchy wrote: »

I think it depends on your "brand" of Christianity -We've mentioned here Catholics who insist their child is Christened even if the spouse is not Catholic and some of the fundamentalist Christian churches are pretty unbending .

The Catholic Church can be unbending. It also has within it some pretty amazing people. When I decided not to be confirmed it was my priest who helped me feel comfortable with that decision and counselled me that it was ok not to be, and that so long as I was making good choices, the church would always be there for me to turn back to in the future should I want, and he hoped I would want. I also had a wonderful mentor in a Monsignor I knew.

wiogs

LMac wrote: »

Im atheist (as are my parents, though one was raised protestant, one catholic) DP was raised catholic, and identifies as such, but has not attended other than for funerals, since we met. He has never spoke of his faith at all and speaks often of the flaws in the church.

However, Im now expecting our first child together and he is insisting on a christening. I was gobsmacked. As I understand it, its about promising in front of his god, and a room full of people that we raise the child in the church/believing in god. I am opposed to making this promise in principle (though will likely let him get on with it, and Ill stand there while he promises it) I think he wants to do it because its a tradition in his family. We currently live in a Protestant area in N. Ireland, so its not even part of the culture where our kids will be raised.

That is a horrible situation and sounds as if he is only going through the tradition as you say.

If it is something he truly believes in then it should be a sensible discussion with you but to do it because of some tradition is just pathetic.

seven-day-weekend

Mrs_Z wrote: »

Not sure if this counts as a different religion as such, I'm a protestant whereas OH is catholic. Never an issue for us, don't think it was ever even discussed. More of a problem for MIL though, she was relieved to hear we got married in a register office (and not in a church).I believe in God but not in religion. In my opinion religion is the biggest killer in the world.

Those are both the same religion, just different denominations. I have friends who are RC and CofE, there is not a problem there at all because it is the same religion and both denominations believe the same basics of that religion, although may differ in how to demonstrate those basics.

kacie

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Those are both the same religion, just different denominations. I have friends who are RC and CofE, there is not a problem there at all because it is the same religion and both denominations believe the same basics of that religion, although may differ in how to demonstrate those basics.

Then you need to talk to my OH whose beliefs are very different to a Catholics, so much so that he would never marry one (I'm not a catholic!) To him even the basics aren't the same.