Interfaith marriages-do they work?

[Deleted User]

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Personally I could never have married someone of a different faith and could only think that if you did then compromises regarding your faith would be necessary. How can anyone marry someone who disagrees about something that is fundamental to your way of life which makes me wonder if those that do are possibly nominal.

Sorry if that sounds harsh but certainly Christians are specifically advised at the very least not to marry a non Christian.

I've never been counselled by my Vicar not to marry my Hindu husband - we discussed the issues - and he blessed our marriage in a Service Of Dedication in our village Anglican church.

I have not compromised my own Christian beliefs or culture. We both interact with each other's religious traditions.

It helps perhaps that Hinduism is rather laissez-faire when it comes to religion (one's religion or Dharma is respected and even incorporated as long as no harm is done to any)

I also remember the passage in Corinthians 7:14 "For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband."

It's only an issue if you make it so - and of course it helps if neither of you are fanatical or very hardline!

Mrs_Ryan

My parents are Church of England and Irish Catholic but we were all brought up in Dad's religion (Catholic) OH's family are Northern Irish Protestant and I don't think his Dad was too amused when OH broke the news to him that I'm Southern Irish Catholic but he got over it. Neither me or OH are religious and it doesn't matter two hoots to me to be perfectly honest..

esmerelda98

duchy wrote: »

Oh Torry - I laughed out loud at this.

So by your theory the Old Testament is invalid (to Christians).....so therefore also the Ten Commandments ? I really think you might want to have a chat with your priest, vicar or whatever if you truly believe Christians believe in only the New Testament and not the Old.

Perhaps you belong to some kind of fundamentalist sect ? Your beliefs certainly are not mainstream CoE.

I can sort of see where you are coming from as you've never had true respect for other religions so can't even begin to understand how a couple can live side by side in unity -both following their own faiths........I bet in your house not following the same football team or not voting the same way is unthinkable too I think you really should "Get out more" and broaden your horizons. If you are strong in your own faith mixing with those of other faiths honestly won't weaken yours ...which appears to be what motivates your fear of other faiths.

It is clear that you think you know a lot about Christianity and Christians, but the many of the views Torry Quine holds are just basic Christian belief, nothing controversial.

Torry Quine did not say the Old Testament was irrelevant to Christians. She did suggest that Old Testament law, and the living a life bound by all the minute laws set out in the Old Testament is not what Christianity is about.

The whole point of Jesus' death on the Cross was a one-time, ultimate sacrifice. The Jews in the Old Testament were continually having to sacrifice an unblemished lamb as part of the process of asking for forgiveness because they were constantly breaking one law or another on account of their (our) human frailty. Jesus' death on the Cross did away with all that, and Christians believe that it freed them from 'the law', that way of life that involves trying to obey gazillions of laws on every aspect of life.

The basic prayer that people say when they become a Christian involves accepting that you are a sinner and that salvation comes through believing in Jesus, not through following any laws to perfection (though the Old Testament is ample proof that even with the best will in the world that is impossible), or through good deeds. It is a stark message, but there you are, it is the basic Christian message.

I believe (my personal belief), is that God gave the Jews the law and many years to try to follow it to prove to all that it is impossible to live by.

Now I know many of you believe this sort of belief is only held by those with a sub-normal IQ. Of course you can believe what you like. It is clear that many Chrisitians are professional people, holding significant appointments in society at large. It is not a question of intelligence.

esmerelda98

joolzred wrote: »

I've never been counselled by my Vicar not to marry my Hindu husband - we discussed the issues - and he blessed our marriage in a Service Of Dedication in our village Anglican church.

I have not compromised my own Christian beliefs or culture. We both interact with each other's religious traditions.

It helps perhaps that Hinduism is rather laissez-faire when it comes to religion (one's religion or Dharma is respected and even incorporated as long as no harm is done to any)

I also remember the passage in Corinthians 7:14 "For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband."

It's only an issue if you make it so - and of course it helps if neither of you are fanatical or very hardline!

All I will say in response to this post is that when a person who becomes a Christian is already married, most ministers would not counsel such a person to leave their non-Christian spouse, but rather advise them to pray for their spouse to come to Christ. It is a very different proposition from saying that there are no dangers that come from marrying a non-Christian.

It most (maybe all?) successful relationships both people share core values. You certainly don't need to have the same beliefs on every issue (if that is even possible, it is probably not desirable), but your core beliefs will either bind you together or push you apart.

lostinrates

Treevo wrote: »

I'm an atheist and I will do whatever it takes to ensure my children are free from religious indoctrination until they are old enough to posses critical thinking skills. My entire family is atheist - even my Jewish brother in law.

My OH's parents live in the US most of the year so they are 'Christians' though members of a very liberal church - the pastor (or whatever he is) offered to marry us and seems to be more Christian than any other I've ever come across. Certainly more so than the 'if you don't believe what I do, you're not a Christian' brigade.

The two don't actually go hand in hand, people other than Christians live in America!

I've been lucky enough to meet a fair few accepting religious people, just as you describe...people who are not as closed minded to think that unless one does like them one is not Christian or 'good'. Met plenty of the other sort too mind you...but I consider it an issue of personal limitation.

seven-day-weekend

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Personally I could never have married someone of a different faith and could only think that if you did then compromises regarding your faith would be necessary. How can anyone marry someone who disagrees about something that is fundamental to your way of life which makes me wonder if those that do are possibly nominal.

Sorry if that sounds harsh but certainly Christians are specifically advised at the very least not to marry a non Christian.

I agree with this. I think if you are serious about your faith and practise it, then I don't see how you could chose to get married to someone else of a different religion who also took it seriously who also wanted to practise their faith. It's what underpins your life, so how could you have the same direction to walk in? How could you even get close enough to even talk about marriage? You have not got the most important thing in your life in common, it's a recipe for disaster from the start.

I think if neither of you particularly cares about your faith it can work.

(I'm not talking about different denominations of Christianity here - that CAN and does work - but different religions altogether).

My husband and I were both atheists when we married and are both practising Christians now.

claire16c

Person_one wrote: »

For once Torry, I almost sort of agree with you!

I'm an atheist, and I can't imagine sharing my life or raising children with someone who had such a vastly different outlook and perspective on life and the whole universe. I have lots of friends who are religious, my dad is a Christian of the very vague, non church attending but owns a bible and had us baptised variety and he and my atheist mum are happily married. But my partner? That's different to me, and while it clearly works for other people, I would want someone who shares my world view.

I wouldn't marry a Tory or a cat person either!

I agree. I think we'd drive each other mad.

For example if my husband wanted to christen our children, well I wouldn't want it. So there's argument no.1 out of many I could imagine.

I have a couple of extremely religious friends but that's very different to being with someone. I suppose if the person was a bit of a fair weather religious person it might be ok, but I don't think I could live with a practising religious person.

esmerelda98

It is my opinion that some people who identify themselves as Christian (or who other people identify as Christian) have more of a Christian culture or background rather than a core belief which permeates every aspect of their life. Christians are by no means perfect, and do struggle with life, and faith and living their faith, but the point I am trying to make is that a bystander may identify a successful, longstanding mixed-faith relationship between a Christian and a non-Christian, but things may not be as clear-cut as they first appear.

lostinrates

EmmaBridgewater wrote: »

arbroath_lass wrote: »

EmmaBridgewater wrote: »

Sorry, am I meant to know what that means?


Apologies, I'm from the south coast so no idea on anything scottish!

Anyway, I probably would not marry outside my religion, but would marry at atheistic or agnostic. I'm not a devout Christian but I feel comforted in my faith. I'd probably not marry outside my race which is more to do with things I suppose!

I never imagined marrying someone asked on race. A lot of my formative years were spent where my race was the minority and those I were developing kiddy crushes on were a different race. I just presumed I think that if I were to marry and have kids it would be to someone of that race...didn't turn out to be so because what really happened is that race isn't that important to me.
A few weeks ago we had a conversation about this with a couple who are mixed race. We were saying how 'shallow' it is that they have suffered more abuse in the street because of the visual differences, yet both have been brought up in very upper middle class households in US, even geographically close, very similar religions, socioeconomic, political outlooks and DH and I might look more similar but come from very different backgrounds culturally, politically and in some other respects. Both marriages seem to work well. .

Smithy7876

Whilst I have quite strong anti-religious views I wont force that upon anyone. It is a choice and it wouldnt put me off anyone as long as I wasnt expected to follow it. However I would forsee an issue when it came to the time to have children as I refuse point blank to have my children brought up under any religion, I want them to be free to make the decision themselves when they grow up.

Fortunately my OH is atheist so it works :rotfl: