what on earth does this mean

[Deleted User]

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

Well it must happen then, but I've never known it from all the people I've known.

Most peoples first words to me have been "was he seeing someone?".

I've always maintained not, but there is another thread on here about a wife/husband situation where he has been sexting a mutual friend. Its scarily similar to my situation before he left, it makes me wonder. But I guess I'll never know and he'd never admit to anything.

rozmister

My ex and I had a few arguments and then he went on a family holiday to America and barely spoke to me for three weeks. I knew something was up because he practically lived at mine, all his prizes possessions were at mine (including a large baggy of HIS weed) and yet when he got back from America he didn't come round.

I told him to come round and he said "I'm not in love with you, I just don't feel the same way anymore but I wan't us to stay together". I refused this kind offer of a loveless relationship.

When I saw your post and the explanations people had put it really reminded me of myself back then.

He wasn't 'shagging someone else' although I do think he may have had some feelings for another girl. She wasn't interested in him but was in an unhappy relationship and used him as a crutch. He wanted us to stay together because his life was comfortable with me - I cooked his dinner, I washed his pants, I put up with him getting stoned and I always remembered to buy an engagement/birthday/sympathy card for every member of his family. We'd looked at churches and I thought we'd be getting married one day, somewhere along the way he'd realised that he didn't want that with me anymore and the things he loved me about me he didn't love anymore.

Did you feel like your relationship was fine before this? How long have you been together? Do you feel like you can resolve this together and your relationship is worth fighting for or do you think it's run it's course? Could this be a crisis of faith because you've been together so long the spark has gone?

My heart goes out to you whatever OP and my words of advice are...drinking baileys and listening to Adele at 3am may seem like the answer but it isn't!!

Oh and btw I am single now and after a while I came to realise he wasn't right for me. He'd just realised before me. Now I laugh about how I did everything for him and he just expected it and how he refused to go out and do anything because he was too stoned, I think I only wanted to be with him because I was comfortable and secure with him but he didn't make me feel alive the way I'd like to feel in a relationship. HTH.

Toto

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

I've never ever known a man leave a relationship and then go and live by themselves because they have fallen out of love!.Ever. It may happen like lightening hitting the same place twice but it must be like 1 in a million.
They leave for 2 reasons, either, they are shagging someone elce or have been kicked out thats it.

Perhaps we mix with some spineless creatures but I have to agree, I've not known a man to leave without having someone else on the go. They might not admit to it right away but there is always someone who makes them jump.

rozmister

Toto wrote: »

Perhaps we mix with some spineless creatures but I have to agree, I've not known a man to leave without having someone else on the go. They might not admit to it right away but there is always someone who makes them jump.

My ex went to his Mum. Going to someone doesn't always mean a lover, it can just mean knowing you can get the same service at home with your parents with less effort on your part.

Tropez

Toto wrote: »

Perhaps we mix with some spineless creatures but I have to agree, I've not known a man to leave without having someone else on the go. They might not admit to it right away but there is always someone who makes them jump.

I've left a couple of relationships without having someone else to go to. I've left them because they weren't right for me or weren't working as I would have wanted them to. There was no one who made me jump except me and my expectations.

fluffnutter

In my, admittedly limited, experience, a certain type of fella goes for this approach when they want a relationship to end but don't have the balls to do the decent thing.

They dither and sigh a bit, look pained like a puppy with a sore paw and come out with the rubbish that the OP is hearing. Basically they're saying 'Look, I'm bored/met someone else/want to pursue my career as a lone explorer of rainforests but if I dump you everyone's going to think I'm a bit of a shit, so what I'll do is whinge a bit and make things so intolerable for you that you dump me. This way I don't look like the bad guy, nor do I have to actually do the difficult thing and end things properly. Plus I can get sympathy points from my next girlfriend about being dumped by my mean ex. Which is you, by the way'.

Pathetic.

Gigglepig

Either they don't feel the same about you, or they don't feel the same in general (stress, crisis, depression, unhappy living arrangements)

It is normal to not feel as strongly "in love" all the time even if you do love someone, the question is whether the relationship is strong enough to endure ups and downs?

dandelionclock30

Whether OPs boyfriend is seeing someone elce or not, she needs to with someone who really loves her, is supportive, fun, kind etc. Not someone who is saying their not sure if they are in love etc.
Just put him out of his agony, get rid of him and spend your money on yourself, invest in friendships and your family and I'm sure someone more suitable will come along.

dipsy

Well I spent Sunday with him and friends, all was well, I came home on Monday afternoon, I left him the option again off walking away, he said he wanted to see me again.

I said maybe text me in the week, he said he would, but he has been on shift and I know he is likely to be in bed right now.

I have decided if the text doen't come today I am just going to make arrangements to get my stuff from his house and call a day on the last few years.

I haven't text/called him, I refuse to run after him, I go for not caring/cross and upset all in a 24 hour period.

I am resigning my self to it being dead, but god knows how I will ever meet a decent bloke.... don't want grow old (er) on my own, want someone to enjoy life with, not someone who treats me a like an afterthought...

dipsy

Just to add the reason this came about was because he forgot about an arrangement we had made a month prior and he said he was off out with his mate as his girlfriend was away, did I mind...

I said "your joking, what about our arrangement", he said he had forgotten... best bit is speaking to his mate on Sun he said it was a rubbish night, quiet and when they tried to get a curry at midnight they weren't serving any more....

So I don't know if it is a case of him having a hissy boy fit or what.

and he is rubbish at texting /ringing at the best of times....

so bloody confused....