Am I being unreasonable?

itsanne

Dimey wrote: »

My view is that the boys are old enough to make their own decisions about their hairstyles.

Even if you are irritated, I would not say a word to the father when he brings them home. Don't even show you've noticed. Don't give ex husband and his wife the satisfaction. They shouldn't have gone against your express instruction and could have at least had the decency to phone you beforehand. But hey-ho, let it drop.

I wouldn't discuss haircuts with the boys. Just say they look nice.
Next time the boys want their hair cut, tell them to organise it with their Dad on their next visit.
Let Dad continue what he's taken responsibility for and spend the money you saved on a nice cream tea or whatever takes your fancy.

As the boys get older I guess there will be other things where you have to let the reigns loose.

Definitely agree with this. It's just hair. There will be far more important issues to come.

Haircuts aren't cheap, especially if the hair is kept short. If Dad wants to have their hair cut let him.

GwylimT

Cakeforbrains, do you ask permission from their dad before you have their hair cut? Do you consult their dad on whether or not they have the style that you like? If the answer is no, then why do you expect their dad to consult you?

gunsandbanjos

GwylimT wrote: »

Cakeforbrains, do you ask permission from their dad before you have their hair cut? Do you consult their dad on whether or not they have the style that you like? If the answer is no, then why do you expect their dad to consult you?

You took the words out my mouth.

busiscoming2

It all depends on the circumstances surrounding the haircuts.

You have to ask your boys if they are quite happy with their haircuts. If its all fine then yes, you are being unreasonable and maybe the boys didn't like to ask you for a different style.

On the other hand (and this is from experience) depending on their relationship with their father and his wife they may have felt they had to agree to the haircuts to keep them happy.

pukkamum

My dad did this to me, I had very long very thick hair, it was my mum's pride and joy.
She would spend hours brushing and styling it.
I on the other hand at 9 years old was desperate to have it cut, something mum refused to do.
My dad and stepmum took me away for the weekend.
I told my dad I wanted it cut so they let me.
I had a short crop!
When we got back my mum burst into tears, to add insult to injury they handed her my plait that had been lopped off, she still has it!
I told my mum it was their idea.

ciderwithrosie_2

I think it's sensible to get their haircut if they've recently had nits. I'm sure they've got better things to do in their summer holiday than sit still for hours having nits combed out when there's a simple solution - give them a shearing with the clippers. Plenty of time for precious 'hairstyles' when they're teenagers.

themull1

He paid for the haircuts, saved you money, thats what i'd be thinking.!!

Mojisola

As long as they haven't ended up with haircuts that would upset their schools, I wouldn't raise it at all except to say how nice they look.

pops5588

I remember when my parents were divorced and we were still at the age where we were being carted around every other weekend to go see our father. Once he took us for a haircut with his new wife and when I got back home I could tell my mum was angry. Knowing that there was more conflict brewing only made me feel tense, uneasy and miserable. I love my mum, but looking back I really wish she could have just let it go. They both may have felt better for having a reason to verbally knock each other about a bit but it made me and my sister feel like total !!!! and caught in the middle.

It isn't worth it!!!

liney

Hmm sit for hour upon hour while mom 'lovingly combs' my hair, or tell Dad I want it cut...

Not a hard, or unusual decision to make for a young boy really.

As it has already been pointed out, surely if they were being forced to have their hair cut they would both be coming home with identical crew cuts.

I still have very vivid memories of my Mother fussing over my hair with mousse and the dryer and round brush and it didn't half used to annoy me. Why a ponytail was never good enough i'll never know. She stole 30 mins of my childhood daily!