Am I being unreasonable?

alleycat`

It reads as if the kids chose what they want, to be honest, otherwise they'd have both ended up with the same haircut?

At worst it'll grow back so i really don't see the point in having a fight over it.

lika_86

You seem a bit precious over this and more attached to their hair than they are (well, were!).

Did it occur to you that maybe following the nit incident that they wanted it cut to make sure they're gone? I don't remember anyone getting nits at school beyond the age of about 7 anyway so maybe they were a bit embarrassed by it all.

It's their dad, he's just as entitled to take them for a haircut as you are.

End of the day, hair grows.

74jax

My daughter had really long hair once - to her middle back. She went off with her Dad and step-mum for a week and came back with it in a bob and had a fringe..... A very drastic change.

But I have to admit, if I had cut it I wouldn't have called him up to tell him I was going to do it either.

rozmister

My friend's ex's new squeeze did this to her two girls! She'd had their hair cut quite recently too and his missus cut it for them at home saying it really needing doing and it would like nice. She wasn't very happy at all about it but I think he probably only did it to wind her up! She said it's actually illegal but I don't know much about that.

Personally I'd tell the kids their hair looks lovely and tell your ex that if he wants to cut the kid's hair you'd prefer him to ask you so you can discuss styles and such. Something like "It's really nice you want to do things for the kids like this but next time consult me first so we can discuss styles because I've spent hours nit combing their hair to keep it like that for you to cut it all off." The hair is cut now and if you go in all guns blazing you'll sour relations when they already sound a little precarious. Be nice about it and take the moral high round.

quidsy

Ok, background for some perspective;

My 6 year old tells the barber what to do with his hair, I have no say (in front of him although do nod if in agreement, to the barber when son isn't looking, he is 6 after all, he could end up with anything!).

So I doubt your 9 & 11 year olds would have had drastic cuts without at least protesting so I would casually ask them who's idea it was to cut their hair & if they like it.

If they do it's time to stop imposing what you want their hair to look like & acknoledge that they are both old enough to chose their style.

If either say they were bullied into it or forced then definately raise it with their father & tell him that in futre he is to leave their hair well alone.

seven-day-weekend

I think the children are old enough to have a say in how they want their hair without the parents fighting over it.

Why not ask them how they want it, they might not want a 'sweeping fringe'.

lazer

You are being unreasonable - did you discuss the boys hair style with their Dad the last time you took them to get it cut?

peachyprice

It's hair that grows back. They are 9 and 11 not babies who couldn't protest if they didn't want their hair cut.

Yes, you are being very precious and unreasonable.

BugglyB

Unless the boys are upset about it, I don't see what the problem is. Their dad is as much their parent as you are, in their eyes and his, undoubtably, if not in yours.

Dimey

My view is that the boys are old enough to make their own decisions about their hairstyles.

Even if you are irritated, I would not say a word to the father when he brings them home. Don't even show you've noticed. Don't give ex husband and his wife the satisfaction. They shouldn't have gone against your express instruction and could have at least had the decency to phone you beforehand. But hey-ho, let it drop.

I wouldn't discuss haircuts with the boys. Just say they look nice.
Next time the boys want their hair cut, tell them to organise it with their Dad on their next visit.
Let Dad continue what he's taken responsibility for and spend the money you saved on a nice cream tea or whatever takes your fancy.

As the boys get older I guess there will be other things where you have to let the reigns loose.