29wks pregnant, violence, exhausted, no-one to help

needsomehelppls

Hi i need a bit of help, I'm 29wks pregnant with no3, same partner of 15years.
I've been running his business with him for over 5years, working my backside off, 10hr days, 7 days a week etc

This pregnancy I've been really struggling, I dont have time to eat, I've been passing out. I'm 4 weeks late for my midwife app as I dont have time.
I have a 1yr old & a 5yr old.
No family, friends, anyone for support in time or emotion

Today I've been in pain, braxton hicks starting, thrush, dizziness etc. Partner has heard me whimper, sharp intakes of breath, even 'ow, ow, ow' when I moved too quick earlier. Not one word or concern.

Tonight, completely shattered after making dinner at 10.30pm he announces he is going to bed & leaving me with everything to do & 1yr old to put to bed ( he had a long sleep late afternoon as busy in day)
I start to complain, I need help, I'm not coping, please help me.
He is tired, he is going to bed.
Please I'm serious, I cant cope, I'm worrying about the baby, no check ups (i've lost 3)
I go to bed, and send a long message (seperate rooms)
please help me, i cant cope, do you not care about my health? our baby? I'm not eating, I pass out, I am not being a good mum to the children. Why do you not care etc
He goes crazy, shouting, threatening, warning me to leave him alone.
I text, I'm not scared of you, your not a big man to shout at me when I need help.
He storms in, throws a full length mirror at the wall, shattering over bed & floor. 1yr old still in my room in bed.

What can I do? I have nowhere to go, no-one for me
i have never been hit, but this is the worst of a long line of violent activity.

If i leave I have nothing, no money, debt, no home, all the work for his business for nothing. I don't even have a car as broken

2 children and pregnant, in the middle of a breakdown, what are my options? Everyone asleep but me. Massive business deal meetings at work this week that i have spent months preparing for. Can I let it all fall apart, as it is my childrens financial future, even if not mine!

suelizab

womens aid? Go to police station who will help
you find a safe house.

needsomehelppls

I'm not going to the police as not been hurt, just violence used to scare me. Live near a bad area so they will have their hands full with actual harm, drugs etc.
Dont want to take any action, just want to get away. Is this just a bad argument? Or is not what happens? I remember things being smashed in arguments growing up (ornaments, plates etc)
Is this normal for a massive argument, say 4-5times a year?
This is the only time ever has the children been at risk of injury/harm (glass on floor now)
If we go, we lose everything!

needsomehelppls

If i go now, i'll have no career to go on to, as missing the meetings this week could cause such major financial implications, there is no business to put on a cv, who wants an operations manager who left a company to fall apart because they couldnt cope? I could never tell a prospective employer the truth!

dktreesea

Businesses are just things. They can be rebuilt. Your sanity is something else entirely. Go to the council. Tell them what you told us. Tell them you have to get out of the house, that the latest episode, where your partner threw a mirror on the floor, making you worry about your safety and your children's safety, is threatening your sanity. If they are a half decent council they will find you a council home. They or the citizens advice bureau will help you to apply for income support as a sole parent.

You have to decide - do you want your things, with an unsupportive partner so having to take responsibility 24/7 (good luck with that - if the lack of sleep doesn't get you, the depression certainly will) - or do you want a healthy life for you and your children?

The debt? Get a DMP. Pay it off at £1 per debt per month if that's all you can afford. Debt isn't the end of the world - Stepchange can guide you if that's your worry.

You're not eating? Sorry, but taking care of your physical health is your responsibility and no-one else's. You need to take a step back and ask yourself, why is slaving away in the business more important to you than your physical and mental health?

As to "if we go, we lose everything", don't you realise that by staying and putting up with what you describe you're losing something every day you are there? Your sanity, physical health, self esteem for starters. Goodness knows how awful it must be for children growing up in a house where the partner feels it's okay to smash a mirror when he wants to impose his will/way on the household.

bagpussbear

needsomehelppls wrote: »

i have never been hit, but this is the worst of a long line of violent activity.

Then why on earth did you get pregnant again for goodness sake!

the_pink_panther_2

Get advice form women's aid if you don't want to inform the police.

If you're adamant you're not making a move before the meeting this week then, although I'd suggest you reconsider, my next advice would be to remain anonymous when you contact woman's aid to get advice so that you can find out the options available to you.

Your health and your baby's health is potentially at risk so there are other things at stake.

Guest101

Perhaps it best to talk to your partner on a clear head in the morning/during the day.

Clearly your both struggling

Take things from there. If there is no love left in the relationship, you may aswell leave. As things just get worse and you resent eachother, when you could break up amicably.

shelley_crow

No-one can help you while you create obstacles for yourself not to get help.

paulineb_2

needsomehelppls wrote: »

If i go now, i'll have no career to go on to, as missing the meetings this week could cause such major financial implications, there is no business to put on a cv, who wants an operations manager who left a company to fall apart because they couldnt cope? I could never tell a prospective employer the truth!

Many women in your situation would be on maternity leave just now.
Seriously, you dont need to be superwoman. You are running his business for him? Let him do more of the work. The company shouldnt fall apart without you

And if you dont go now you might end up at risk, your kids as well.

I also agree, if you have been living with a violent man for a long time why on earth did you even consider having a third child with him?

paulineb_2

needsomehelppls wrote: »

I'm not going to the police as not been hurt, just violence used to scare me. Live near a bad area so they will have their hands full with actual harm, drugs etc.
Dont want to take any action, just want to get away. Is this just a bad argument? Or is not what happens? I remember things being smashed in arguments growing up (ornaments, plates etc)
Is this normal for a massive argument, say 4-5times a year?
This is the only time ever has the children been at risk of injury/harm (glass on floor now)
If we go, we lose everything!

Basically you dont want to involve the police because you havent been hurt, but youve used the word violence

I live in a bad area, I can assure you that police arent here every night of the week with their sirens blazing raiding people who are dealing drugs.

Im sorry, you sound like you are in total denial. You seem to think its acceptable that theres a massive outburst 4 or 5 times a year where you are scared. No its not acceptable and just because your family used to smash plates when they were arguing doesnt mean it is.

You wont lose everything if you leave, you will be entitled financially to part of the business you have built up over the years, a lawyer would advise you.

I feel sorry for you, but I feel sorry for your poor kids growing up in a home like this, because you are making excuses for this man and thats normal when you are being abused.

Someone doesnt need to be beating you for them to be violent.

Your partner needs help for his anger, if he wont get it then yes, for your and your kids future safety I think you have to consider getting out.