My Marriage

marisco_2

Pennysmakepounds wrote: »

Why do people put up with Spouses that are complete and utter SAD GITS and abusers....

Abuse is generally levied out very subtly. Each incident on its own not being enough to register with someone just what is happening to them. It is about power and control and not wanting the victim to see through things, and realise what an awful situation they are in. A person suffering abuse uses up so much energy walking on eggshells and trying to stay one step ahead that they get to the point where they cant think straight. Their self-esteem and self confidence is eroded to such an extent that they cannot fight back. This does not come about by accident and sickeningly is all part of the abuse.

The OP has a huge amount of strength and sense of self worth, because she is questioning everything she is coping with and asking for help and guidance.

CH27

If he's hit you once he will do it again.
Make a stand now & get out.

bagpussbear

Very sorry to hear what happened.

You are not a failure.

This is presumably the first time he has hit you? There will probably be a next time unfortunately. His reaction at the moment isn't getting on his knees and begging your forgiveness is it, it's just getting more angry and refusing to discuss. That worries me.

In this situation, I don't think you should be talking, you should be telling him to pack his bags. If he doesn't want to, remind him that what he did is physical assault and you will report him to the police if he doesn't.

By the sounds of it he needs help, and I hope he gets it, but not at the cost at you waiting for the next wallop.

Heffi1

The first time a man hits me it will be his last, there is absolutely no excuse for hitting another person, whether in a relationship or not.

Violence is not the answer and it speaks to his wanting control.

If you feel safe, I would ask him what he thinks you should expect from now on, if he can hit you once, then he can (and will) do it again.

You owe it to yourself to get as far away from this man as you possibly can.

If he says he is going to do something stupid, turn round and say 'what part of you doing something stupid will be my fault'

Get out now, he is only going to escalate now he has hit you once, or more times who knows.

Do you value yourself so little that you will allow this to happen.

I understand about abusive relationships, mine lasted 25 years, but at no point did I get hit, for all of his faults and believe me there were many he did not hit me.

I once saw him clench his fists and I said if he were to ever hit me, then I would take my marble rolling pin to his face, and I would only be able to do that once he was asleep as he was stronger physically than me, I left him in no doubt that, that was a line he was not to cross.

All of the other abuse I suffered I didn't see until I had escaped the relationship.

Manipulation and fear is what kept me there.

Do not make the mistakes I made, I actually thought as he did not hit me I had it not so bad...

Time is a great healer and you can do this alone if you want to.

Scary but perfectly do-able.

Think of your safety and not what he might threaten to do.

Remember if he does something stupid, he is no longer able to control you, so he won't be doing anything at all, it is a threat which he uses to keep you in your place.

Get some inner strength and start to put a plan together for how you will leave.

Sorry for rambling on a bit there

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Deleted_User wrote: »

Hi

[preamble]

[stuff]

[more stuff]

[even more stuff]

[more unecessary stuff] he hit me. [more unecessary stuff]

FatVonD

He hit you while you were driving, what if next time you can't control the car?

System

Deleted_User your husband is a bully and a thug. Praying on someone weak makes him feel strong.

If you don't leave him you've got to stand up to him.

Netwizard

Like others have said - Get out while you can.

And generally those that brag about killing themselves won't do it and are just saying it for attention, wanting someone to say "there there".

Its those that don't mention it and just go off and do it that you need to worry about

Like others have said, no excuse for anybody hitting anyone, whether its man hitting woman, or woman hitting man.

I also have no idea why people stay in relationships like this, I couldn't do it.

LannieDuck

Someone hits me while driving, I would pull over and demand they get out. If they refuse, I would call the police.

Actually, I'd probably call the police anyway. No-one gets to hit me.

belfastgirl23

You've been together 15 years.

Has this happened before? I know you're saying he has had temper issues and moods etc but is this the first time for violence? If not, then the others are sadly right and you probably need to prepare for splitting up.

But if it's the first time then to me that means he is behaving out of character. Once things have calmed down, I'd want to sit down and say that it was out of character but completely unacceptable. And I would expect him to do some serious reflection. He needs to accept completely that this was unacceptable behaviour and be ashamed and want to do something about it. As a bare minimum.

I would be reluctant to write off a 15 year relationship solely on the basis of one incidence of violence, especially if there's a possibility of mental health problems that could potentially be resolved. But only you know if this is the case OP.