Crossroads

izools

Thanks everyone.

One thing I have always said is "One cannot be judged by how tall they stand, but how far they have climbed, having fallen"

I think I will be eligible for JSA, due to the fact my current occupation is being a carer - they consider it to be employed - and that sure as heck did become untenable.

But like I say I'll be calling my GP in a moment to arrange an appoint for referral to counselling.

tesuhoha

Just remember if you keep trying hard to succeed that opportunities will come your way. Just be a trier and a hard worker.

izools

brians_daughter wrote: »

Izools,
So sorry you are going through this

Unless i am missing something here, its almost an exact situation?

x

It would seem so, yes.

I am relieved to know I am far from the only one.

So your father left your mother after she became his carer?

That's harsh.

It's pretty obvious this is how my ex (that feels weird) feels about me, too. But that's his problem now I guess.

Onward and upwards, or whatever.

Thanks again everyone

izools

What a journey the last few weeks have been. It's amazing how much can change in the space of a few small weeks.

I spent a fortnight with my mother whilst figuring out a way forward, and went through the natural rollercoaster one does after something like this.

Came out the other side suprisingly quickly, and of course I'm very aware of how little time has passed and how important it is not to kid oneself.

I've got my own place now, everything is set up, the council are helping me with most of the rent whilst I'm looking for work and the DWP have been very understanding and have given me an eight week run on of my income support and carer's premium whilst I got / get everything sorted.

Thankfully I've made quite a few friends over the years who are now in Managerial positions of IT / Tech Support departments who will help see if they can find a position for me at their place of work.

Getting my CV ready for a battery of on-spec applications and of course anything suitable that becomes available to apply for.

Ex was being a right !!!!!! on Friday night - the small group of our oldest friends who have sided with him came down with him to the local gay club (yes, only one...) - trying to prove something. I found it so petty. I was there also with some new friends I met just being myself, not trying too hard or trying to prove a point - one of my ex's friends tried to start a fight with me.

I made the mistake of trying to be amicable and paid him a complement you see, terrible that. I'll remember not to in future lol.

Small town syndrome I think.

But you know what? First time I'd been down there in seven / eight years - deplorable place to be honest, but I found out being a normal person, without just one agenda, and normal principles, makes you a prize catch at that place.

I've found myself all of a sudden dating someone else already. I am telling myself of course I need to be very careful, self aware, slow, cautious etc etc, it is as I say very soon.

Seems to be a positive influence so far.

I've found a part of myself I forgot I even had, and I'm of the attitude even if it's just a fling it's taken me out of the "bitter twisted cynic" mindset I'd been carrying on my shoulders for so long.

Helping me to regain some of my lost confidence in the world and feeling really good about my future now, with many plans coming to fruition much quicker than expected.

I still of course have the issue of debt but god only knows how, but when I explained the situation to my loan provider with whom I defaulted they accepted £5/Month token payments whilst I'm looking for work... on a £15,000 debt. Chuffed doesn't come close.

What can I say. Best transition I could have possibly hoped for or imagined :beer:

Yorkie1

Thanks for the update, and so pleased to hear how things are going in a totally different direction for you on all levels.

Fingers crossed that this is just the start x

tayforth

izools - I've only just come across your thread. I'm delighted to have read this far and seen your update. Well done you. I hope that you will continue to do well without your ex (and good riddance, by the sound of it), and keep posting updates.

xxx

izools

I have to say it's all so sudden but it's like catching the surf I think, you just go with it and feel that it's all for the best. Of course now I have much more experience and vigilance to guide me on my way.

I feel I have really landed on my feet and must have had so much good karma saved up over the years, it's like being reborn.

The only thing I am still taking time with is knowing it's OK to be happy, I had been so sad for so long I think I have forgotten somewhat that it's OK not to look at everything with judging eyes expecting something bad to happen but I feel this chap I met will help me on my way - he is really quite smitten and to be honest I am too - I just feel a bit bad because he is very happy about everything all the time with so much to talk about and I'm still on my way back out of my shell.

I want us to be a positive influence on each other and I know he is for me but I need to work on reciprocating on the same level; I know I can but it is under several layers of !!!! for now.

I think I'm still in shock, something I've wanted all my life appears at face value at least to have literally landed in my lap and it has knocked me for six a little; but I'm sure with all my self awareness and all I have learned over the years it can be beautiful.

With time.

Note to self: Stop getting so freakin' distracted and remember you still have to find a job!

EDIT: I think perhaps now this applies:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5y_KJAg8bHI

izools

OK so I feel I need to put something to a vote...

I think I've struck gold here; and I feel the best way for me to bring the fun loving extrovert I was all those years ago back to the fore is to share what's hiding it.

What's the ruling on sharing past experiences about one's ex with someone new? He seems genuinely interested and very understanding but that still doesn't mean it's a good idea...

Dimey

Maybe just explain once about what happened. Be honest.
But then don't go on about the ex so your nice new chap doesn't feel you are wallowing in the past and so he doesn't get jealous in any way.

Not that he's likely to get jealous, given how awful the ex was. He should soon see how much healthier and happier you are having left the ex.

I'm pleased you have re-built your life so quickly and so well. Impressive. Good luck with the job hunting and with your new man.

ostrichnomore_2

Vague explanation, no need for a lot of detail. Then don't keep talking about it.