Crossroads

izools

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

People can be complete dicks whether they have disabilities or not, after all

I think what hurts the most is on the one hand he tells me he closes up like this when dealing with loss (he used to run a limited company which was dissolved shortly before I met him) and I have to put up with it.

But on the other hand is a completely different person around everyone else.

I suppose that's a symptom of the schitzophreniform though so I don't hold him accountable but !!!! me it hurts.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

It's got to be better than the life you have now.

I suppose. But would I feel better having got my degree and grin-and-beared for three years?

Maybe I should continue pretending everything is fine at least until he's seen a consultant psychiatrist on Tuesday? He hasn't had the community mental health support here that he used to have and the first chap he saw was completely and utterly useless. Maybe if they put him back on the anti-psychotics he'll be better able to reconcile his loss and impending bankruptcy?

mummyroysof3

I understand you would have to find work but you might not find anything straight away or only part time and could perhaps go ahead with it still....my point is really not to dismiss it if the course will help you to get employment and add something to your cv that's all. Many people study with the OU while working.

You mentioned earlier about not getting job seekers due to leaving job but don't just expect the worst without trying as my husband left his job due to it affecting his health and he gets it so its worth a try. If your savings are over 6k that can affect some benefits and they may view using it to pay of non urgent debts negatively so don't IMO use it just yet as you might need it too live on which is more important

fozziebeartoo

Sorry you are having such a tough time right now.

:grouphug:

How long has he been like this?

I mean the treating you like a thorn in his side bit?

Is it worse since his job ended?

Or has always treated you less than well?

I didnt realise quite how badly I had been treated sometimes, until after my 30+ year marriage ended



Regarding him getting other people to put furniture together etc.....are you seeing that as doing it to annoy/undermine you?

As a stranger reading it, it sounds like maybe he was trying to avoid giving you extra work.....

Hope you can get the help you need to make your decisions.

NAR

Oh dear you certainly are in a bad situation. Only you can decide if it is time to call it a day with your OH. People should/will only tolerate a certain amount of abuse (which you are receiving) before calling it quits.
As others have said your £6k will give you a good start up fund, however you will have to strive hard to save and clear the £6,900 credit card debt in 18 months time (before high monthly interest kicks in).
To stay and put up with the abuse, or go; not an easy decision to take, either way.

izools

fozziebeartoo wrote: »

Regarding him getting other people to put furniture together etc.....are you seeing that as doing it to annoy/undermine you?

As a stranger reading it, it sounds like maybe he was trying to avoid giving you extra work.....

I have thought this myself and as isolated incidents they could just as easily be interpreted as him trying to avoid me doing too much but then it fits a pattern and you start to wonder...

...And then at other times he'll go off on a diatribe about how I don't help(!)

I think a lot of this is down to his mental health issues which may or may not start to look up once he's seen a consultant on Tuesday.

Fluff15

OP I'm sorry you're having a rough time. Have you got in touch with the National Austistic Society? They may be able to help you with a job and a place of your own? And also help provide training for your career?

Unfortunately I don't have much else to suggest, I hope things get better soon.

izools

Fluff15 wrote: »

OP I'm sorry you're having a rough time. Have you got in touch with the National Austistic Society? They may be able to help you with a job and a place of your own? And also help provide training for your career?

Unfortunately I don't have much else to suggest, I hope things get better soon.

Well I'm not very high up the spectrum thankfully so haven't had a huge amount of difficulty obtaining work, I've worked in IT for eight years and have various low-level qualifications like BTEC Diplmoa in IT so certainly don't need re-training, that isn't the issue.

It's the lack of employment in the field.

But it never hurts to speak to someone, so may very well call them anyway. Thank you

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

izools wrote: »

I think what hurts the most is on the one hand he tells me he closes up like this when dealing with loss (he used to run a limited company which was dissolved shortly before I met him) and I have to put up with it.

But on the other hand is a completely different person around everyone else.

I suppose that's a symptom of the schitzophreniform though so I don't hold him accountable but !!!! me it hurts.



I suppose. But would I feel better having got my degree and grin-and-beared for three years?

Maybe I should continue pretending everything is fine at least until he's seen a consultant psychiatrist on Tuesday? He hasn't had the community mental health support here that he used to have and the first chap he saw was completely and utterly useless. Maybe if they put him back on the anti-psychotics he'll be better able to reconcile his loss and impending bankruptcy?

Sounds like he's simply a !!!!!! to me. The medical stuff is obscuring the fundamental issue that he's being a !!!!!! to you and you alone.

Do you really think that you could take another thousand days like that? What if he decides to escalate things and threatens to off himself when he knows you've got an examination, so you fail? Or plays the games when you're trying to study, loses interest in it himself, and sabotages your study as much as he sabotaged your independence by making you leave work?


Look at your situation logically; stop using logic to make excuses for his behaviour.

izools

To be honest what's most important to me right now is being able to do this OU course and get on top of my debt.

I don't however see a way to make that possible without trying to make the best of this current situation.

Ambivalence much?

/urgh

izools

Oh this has happened before.

I just came across something I wrote five years ago when he married Vodafone:

A soul so happy, full of life, so free,
once was so pleased to be a part of me.
Never saw the world with tainted vision,
to please and bring joy, that was his mission.
Once was so scared to be on his own,
lies tarnished by the brand of Vodafone.

Forgotten identity and duties so many,
forgetting that life could be so merry.
Allowing time for joys so enriching,
so diligently caring, our bond never twitching.
Once stood up to the world and declared "For I am my own"

Now whispers only in the dark, "What can I do for you, Vodafone?"

For work comes and goes, and when it does go, what do you have left to hold on to?

Never forget who you are.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bE_1tCasi_Q