My Wife is a Snob

1886

Two years ago me and my wife bought our first house together, we had previously been renting a small apartment for three years. The house is in a city (my hometown), when we were renting we were in a town (wife's hometown) ten miles away, a very upmarket town.

Houses in the town are very expensive so we bought a house in the city. The house is really nice but because it's not in my wife's hometown she looks down on it and does'nt like the city.
Example, we went to a restaurant on friday night in a village between said town and city and a family friend of my wife's was also there. I've never seen him before and was introduced to him. He said that he had heard that we'd bought a house, my wife said yes and then rolled her eyes when she said where.

She's so ungrateful and it makes me really angry. I saved for about ten years to get a good deposit together

thorsoak

Don't tell us ....tell her!!

And if she saved for the deposit as well as you (albeit by paying more of the bills whilst you saved) she must have had a say in where you moved?

If not, and it is your house only - and you said where you moving to, then she can roll her eyes imo!

BitterAndTwisted

Maybe she isn't a snob but discontented or disappointed with her lot. Ask her what her plans are for getting you to where she'd like to be. Or maybe she'd rather be back renting in her home-town than paying a mortgage for where you are now.

lazer

This is not being a snob, she would probably prefer to be living in her hometown than your homecity, as you would probably prefer to be living in your hometown to hers - its natural.

Does your wife have friends in your immeadiate area?

10 miles isn't far - perhaps your wife eye roll is nothing to do with house or the area as such - its about you having "won" and her finalally moving to your area!
Did you and your wife save for the deposit and choose the house together or was it your idea - was she happy renting?

arbroath_lass

I don't like cities either and would rather rent in a nice town than buy in a city.

That said you say you bought together but then say you saved for a deposit. How can that be? And what is she supposed to be grateful for? You make it sound like everything was your decision. I'm sure that was not the case but maybe your wife feels a little like that too?

Talk to her. If she is really unhappy could you compromise?

AmberStripes

Given the fact that you mention "we bought a house in the city" surely she sounds as responsible as you for where you live. I would roll my eyes back at every one of her snobby suggestions if I was in your shoes!

Goldiegirl

Just one eye rolling incident doesn't make her a snob

I'd be furious if my husband started posting things like that about me online, and especially if it was down to one instance.

Has she contributed to this purchase at all? Because I'd also be furious if I was expected to be grateful to my partner for the house that I live in.

You are a partnership, and the partners contribute to the relationship equally. It's not just about who puts in the most money, there are lots of different ways to contribute, and she's probably done her fair share.

You've probably phrased your OP awkwardly, but based on what I read, I'm with your wife on this

SavingPennies_2

I suspect it's more about buying a house in "your" hometown father than in "hers". Perhaps she thinks it being cheaper was just an excuse for choosing "your" hometown. Perhaps she would rather have stretched the finances further to live in a better area.

I live in my OH hometown, I like it and it was a joint decision, but a part of me will always feel a bit sad I don't live in mine, having said that mine is a lot further than 10 miles away.

BitterAndTwisted

Unless your wife is snobbish about lots of other things I would say the eye-rolling to her friend was defensiveness about what their opinion might have been abut where you live. Still, you won't know unless you have an honest discussion with her about it.


Buying a house does not mean you are stuck in aspic. Once you have paid down the mortgage substantially and then got some more savings behind you both, you might be able to move. Who knows?

pops5588

I'm from Winchester, my boyfriend is from Eastleigh. Our budget in Winchester would have bought us a 1-bed flat but in Eastleigh it has got us a 3-bed house.

Occasionally, as a joke and if we are amongst friends, when we have talked about the house move I guess you could say I have rolled my eyes or made out that I am less keen than I actually am on now living in "Beastly Eastleigh" as it's known down here, but I am certainly not ungrateful. If my actions were making my OH feel that way I would a million times rather he came to me and talked to me about it than went online and called me rude names to strangers. Very hurtful and certainly doesn't do you any favours in terms of moral highground.

aileth

This isn't snobbery like people have said. I live in my OH hometown, but when people ask me where I'm from, I say my own hometown. I don't enjoy living here and would much rather be back in my hometown with my family, but my job is here, houses are MUCH cheaper here, and I know I would never be able to convince OH to move away from his family.

My hometown is much much more upmarket then where I'm living now, but that isn't the reason for me wanting to be back there.

What makes me more annoyed tbh is when he takes this for granted, the fact I've uprooted from my home and moved to his, and he doesn't realise what a gigantic step it was for me.