Need some advice......

ladyelegance77

~Chameleon~ wrote: »

Can you think of anything you might have done to upset her that would make her react like this? Perhaps something she might feel embarrassed confronting you with? Could whatever has happened within her family be in anyway linked to you?

Strange behaviour, I agree, but I would respect her wishes for now and back off a little no matter how much it hurts you. Hopefully she'll be in touch with an explanation sooner than later.

She lives half an hour away from me and I have never met her family. Those thoughts did cross my mind however....I just want her to be okay..., thats all.

MakeupAddict_2

ladyelegance77 wrote: »

Honestly.....im sorry if ive annoyed anyone here with my post.......

And that's exactly what I mean about tone of voice not coming across in a text or, in this case, a post on a forum. You certainly haven't annoyed me (if I'm part of who you're referring to), I was only intending to put another perspective.

You're wrapped up in wanting her to be OK, and well intentioned is a phrase I used earlier, but sometimes these things need a different point of view.

You seem quite sensitive to others' comments and behaviours - I'm sure from your posts there's a little fear that your friend's lack of contact is down to something you've done, and now you're worried that you've annoyed someone/me on here. Maybe your self esteem is a little shaky?

MuAx

ladyelegance77

MakeupAddict wrote: »

And that's exactly what I mean about tone of voice not coming across in a text or, in this case, a post on a forum. You certainly haven't annoyed me (if I'm part of who you're referring to), I was only intending to put another perspective.

You're wrapped up in wanting her to be OK, and well intentioned is a phrase I used earlier, but sometimes these things need a different point of view.

You seem quite sensitive to others' comments and behaviours - I'm sure from your posts there's a little fear that your friend's lack of contact is down to something you've done, and now you're worried that you've annoyed someone/me on here. Maybe your self esteem is a little shaky?

MuAx

Yes my self esteem is shaky......and yeah when anyone doesn't get in touch I always think its down to something I have done....and almost always I havent done anything thats due to being in a very controlling marriage for over a decade....and its something im still scarred from and trying to heal from. Im a very kind and sensitive person and I worry alot and overthink.....and I get scared of people getting sick of me.....end of the day I just hope shes okay and as any good friend whenever she needs me I will be there.

heretolearn_2

Hi OP,

It seems that you are feeling hurt that she is not confiding in you about whatever this issue is, and letting you help her.

This is making it about you, not her (although it's understandable). Let her deal with her problems in the way that is best for her. This may not be the same way you deal with problems. Don't see this as a snub. Right now if she is having a hard time, and needs some space to sort things out, a good friend will give her that space. This sounds harsh but her need to sort out her problem is more important than your need to feel wanted and confided in.

thorsoak

ladyelegance77 wrote: »

I am well aware this is about her....I just asked advice on what to do as im not good at things like this....

And I've given you advice - be patient! You've told her that you are there for her when she's ready to talk.

Don't keep bombarding her with texts - it will only make her more anxious!

aileth

I do hope you find out what it was at some stage though..... simply because I'm curious as to what would make her break off all contact entirely! I'd hope that if it's something you'd done, she'd be adult enough to talk to you about it and not simply cut you out.

Like others have said though, it might seem rather odd to many of us, but lots of people cope with things in different ways. When my dad had a cancer scare, I would talk to bloody anybody about it as it was so heavy on my chest and I wanted advice, but I can totally understand someone clamming up!

ladyelegance77

thorsoak wrote: »

And I've given you advice - be patient! You've told her that you are there for her when she's ready to talk.

Don't keep bombarding her with texts - it will only make her more anxious!

I have only sent 3 texts in 3 weeks.....that's all.

ladyelegance77

heretolearn wrote: »

Hi OP,

It seems that you are feeling hurt that she is not confiding in you about whatever this issue is, and letting you help her.

This is making it about you, not her (although it's understandable). Let her deal with her problems in the way that is best for her. This may not be the same way you deal with problems. Don't see this as a snub. Right now if she is having a hard time, and needs some space to sort things out, a good friend will give her that space. This sounds harsh but her need to sort out her problem is more important than your need to feel wanted and confided in.

I know and thats the bit im trying to understand the most...thank you

ladyelegance77

Thanks again for the advice everyone

Dunroamin

MakeupAddict wrote: »

Counting up from your posts, you've texted her at least three times since she said she had something to deal with, and you've tried to phone her (number of times unspecified). You may feel hurt, but the message you're sending is that your hurt, and desire to know what's happened to her - however well intentioned - is more important than her request to be left alone She may resent that now, and when she's feeling better, she may find it difficult to pick up the friendship again because you didn't respect her request.

The danger here is that anything you text to her now could sound like a flounce, even though you don't mean it to. For example 'ring me when you're ready' can be said in many tones of voice, including sarcastic and/or huffy, as well as sympathetic and understanding, and texts don't convey the tone intended so she could take it the wrong way.

I think you might be best to leave it for now, and send her a text in another three weeks or so if you still haven't heard from her - just a simple 'thinking of you'.

MuAx

Or, you could be really radical and write her a letter where you can ensure that you're really saying what you mean.