Need some advice......

ladyelegance77

aileth wrote: »

Seems like very odd behaviour indeed... and it also sounds like you've tried to provoke conversation and she has been unwilling to engage. I'd leave it for now, maybe send a message along the lines of, "I'll leave you alone as I know you're dealing with something, but please contact be as soon as you feel ready as I miss you", and then leave it. If she contacts you again, great. If she doesn't, well, not much you can do. I'd be quite interested to know what this thing is that happened in her family that makes her unable to talk to a best friend about anything whatsoever?

My thoughts exactly. I actually feel hurt that ive been shut out. I would tell her anything.

ladyelegance77

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Then I think you need to do as she asks and leave her alone for a bit. It's tough for you, but she has asked for space. You have shown in numerous ways you care and are available when she is ready.
Maybe going on FB is a light relief and quite different from having to talk in depth about something she is not ready to.
I would expect her to be talking to her boyfriend and family everyday and don't see that as a problem.

Thats true and I do respect that.....it is tough and I will just leave her alone.

ladyelegance77

Thanks so much for all the replies.....I just needed to get it all out and I know you all are good at listening and giving advice

~Chameleon~

Can you think of anything you might have done to upset her that would make her react like this? Perhaps something she might feel embarrassed confronting you with? Could whatever has happened within her family be in anyway linked to you?

Strange behaviour, I agree, but I would respect her wishes for now and back off a little no matter how much it hurts you. Hopefully she'll be in touch with an explanation sooner than later.

elsien

I have a friend who reacts by cutting herself off from everyone except family when things go wrong. When her flat caught fire, I only found out by visiting and finding it empty. And it was about 6 weeks before I had any contact at all, she just seemed to vanish- and this is someone who regards me as one of her best friends.
I used to take it personally, now I just leave her to it, knowing she'll be in touch when she's ready. Different people just have different coping mechanisms.

marisco_2

People react to problems in different ways. Perhaps the issue your friend is dealing with may be something that you have experienced yourself in the past. She may not be turning to you on this occasion, because she doesn't want to bring old emotions to the surface for you again. I would send a message along the lines of 'I hope you are okay, if I can do anything to help please let me know. I will wait to hear from you when you are ready'. I hope she will be back in contact with you again soon.

thorsoak

ladyelegance77 wrote: »

My thoughts exactly. I actually feel hurt that ive been shut out. I would tell her anything.

But the thing is, it is about your friend - not about you. She has obviously been very hurt by something that doesn't affect you. She will tell you in good time - and you have to be patient.

SavingPennies_2

Perhaps she thinks if she speaks to you she will feel obliged to tell you everything/talk in depth about the problem, because no doubt (understandably) that is what you expect being a close friend. The friends she chats to on FB may be "lesser" friends who wont be asking the ins and outs, an prob wont even know anything has happened, so they might be providing light relief with their chit chat.

MakeupAddict_2

ladyelegance77 wrote: »

My thoughts exactly. I actually feel hurt that ive been shut out. I would tell her anything.

Counting up from your posts, you've texted her at least three times since she said she had something to deal with, and you've tried to phone her (number of times unspecified). You may feel hurt, but the message you're sending is that your hurt, and desire to know what's happened to her - however well intentioned - is more important than her request to be left alone She may resent that now, and when she's feeling better, she may find it difficult to pick up the friendship again because you didn't respect her request.

The danger here is that anything you text to her now could sound like a flounce, even though you don't mean it to. For example 'ring me when you're ready' can be said in many tones of voice, including sarcastic and/or huffy, as well as sympathetic and understanding, and texts don't convey the tone intended so she could take it the wrong way.

I think you might be best to leave it for now, and send her a text in another three weeks or so if you still haven't heard from her - just a simple 'thinking of you'.

MuAx

ladyelegance77

thorsoak wrote: »

But the thing is, it is about your friend - not about you. She has obviously been very hurt by something that doesn't affect you. She will tell you in good time - and you have to be patient.

I am well aware this is about her....I just asked advice on what to do as im not good at things like this....