concerned but I know theres nothing I can do.

meritaten

marisco wrote: »

Common sense would suggest that no child is going to settle when a) he has been up for hours playing games so is psyched up but too tired to reason with and b) his mum is screaming at him to 'go to sleep now' leaving him feeling upset by the angst, stress and tension in his home. It is naïve of the mum to expect her 5 year old to instantly switch off, wind down, shut his eyes and nod off. Most parents have a bed time routine in place and carefully enable their children to calm down at the end of the day in a loving environment where they feel safe and at ease.

Lack of sleep will have an adverse effect on how this child copes and behaves during the day. Especially so when he goes back to school and will require additional energy to concentrate and get on. I would be very surprised if the school he is attending didn't pick up on all of this very fast, and start questioning what is going on at home. It must be horrible to know that a family are struggling in this way and that at the centre of it all is a vulnerable child. Personally I would speak to the school Senco and raise my concerns and leave it with him/her to handle appropriately.

I'm not criticising his mum! I have heard her nightly battles to get him to sleep since he was a baby! believe me, some nights she cried out of sheer frustration I think. awful to listen to and I would have loved to have offered help - but, they are private people (and despite being a nosy beggar I can understand she would be mortified if she knew just how much I can overhear).
he goes to a small village school which my own kids used to attend and so did my grandkids till the term before last. and this lad was the bane of my GDs life in school! so any mention of playdates with him and she wouldn't speak to me again!

Thanks Marisco - I did hear on the village grapevine the school were considering having him assessed (but, right now they are treating him as 'the naughty boy'), and I think some background may help both the school and the mum. Gawd knows she seems to need help. I can understand that as long as he is happy to stay in his room from his bedtime she doesn't want to do anything to rock that boat - but I think its unhealthy for him to be playing computer game for 5 hours or more!

meer53

If it were me, i'd leave it to the school and his parents to sort out. If your neighbour asks for any help or advice, then i'd offer it, but otherwise, i'd keep out of it.

aileth

I could sort of understand long hours of gaming reading the post from the start, assuming this was about a teenage lad.

Then I reached the bit where he is five years old and my mouth dropped!

delain

jewelly wrote: »

If they did that, I would hope they would encourage some other kind of activity for the poor lad to get involved in who is probably addicted to gaming.

After 6pm all a 5 year old should be doing is winding down for bed!

If he does have ADHD Affecting his sleep he still needs calm winding down time not to be on a computer all night!

He needs a referral and maybe meritaten talking to the senco might prompt them to ask his mum about sleep (as in does he have trouble getting to sleep rather than we heard he doesn't sleep) and the paediatric team can give the mum help and support with bedtime as they will have some sensible suggestions that have worked for other children with similar problems.

xoxo_2

I really think you do need to report it to SS. He may not be being abused but it sounds like he's possibly being neglected. Where is his mother when this 5 year old is left for hours every day playing his computer game til all hours? Why is she not spending time with her son?

iammumtoone

xoxo wrote: »

I really think you do need to report it to SS. He may not be being abused but it sounds like he's possibly being neglected. Where is his mother when this 5 year old is left for hours every day playing his computer game til all hours? Why is she not spending time with her son?

Because he should be sleeping. I am glad I do not live next door to you I spend hours with my son in the daytime, but I Do Not spend time with him after 8pm when he is upstairs in his room and should be asleep. He doesn't play on video games up there as there are none in his room but he does read and play with this toys and he can be heard (i am sure neighbours will be aware he is still awake) I am just glad they have not reported me to SS as I can't force him to sleep.

iammumtoone

delain wrote: »

He needs a referral and maybe meritaten talking to the senco might prompt them to ask his mum about sleep (as in does he have trouble getting to sleep rather than we heard he doesn't sleep) and the paediatric team can give the mum help and support with bedtime as they will have some sensible suggestions that have worked for other children with similar problems.

Unfortunately in the real world it does not work like this. I have someone who comes to see me to help with my sons issues, the main one being trouble getting to sleep. They do not have magic answers and most of the things suggested I was already doing ie constant routine, quiet time before bed etc. The only things they came up with that I hadn't tried was something to eat before bed (people can't sleep if they are hungry) started that and still doing it, makes no difference. And to try aromatherapy oil tried that for a month - no difference, stopped as the women in holland and barrett told me the oil recommended was not suitable for under 7s so didn't want to use long term if not working. Believe me I have tried everything but to no avail.

I really feel for the women in question on this tread it is not easy especially when you get people trying to help by saying he just needs a routine. My son DOES HAVE a routine always has done. What works for the majority of children does not work for all.

xoxo_2

iammumtoone wrote: »

Because he should be sleeping. I am glad I do not live next door to you I spend hours with my son in the daytime, but I Do Not spend time with him after 8pm when he is upstairs in his room and should be asleep. He doesn't play on video games up there as there are none in his room but he does read and play with this toys and he can be heard (i am sure neighbours will be aware he is still awake) I am just glad they have not reported me to SS as I can't force him to sleep.

No but you can take away his games at bedtime and ensure he's not up playing on them until the early hours of the morning. Playing with toys in bed or reading a book is very different to playing a video game all night at only 5 years old, talking to god knows who online, and he obviously needs better parenting.

delain

iammumtoone wrote: »

Unfortunately in the real world it does not work like this. I have someone who comes to see me to help with my sons issues, the main one being trouble getting to sleep. They do not have magic answers and most of the things suggested I was already doing ie constant routine, quiet time before bed etc. The only things they came up with that I hadn't tried was something to eat before bed (people can't sleep if they are hungry) started that and still doing it, makes no difference. And to try aromatherapy oil tried that for a month - no difference, stopped as the women in holland and barrett told me the oil recommended was not suitable for under 7s so didn't want to use long term if not working. Believe me I have tried everything but to no avail.

I really feel for the women in question on this tread it is not easy especially when you get people trying to help by saying he just needs a routine. My son DOES HAVE a routine always has done. What works for the majority of children does not work for all.

we are not talking about your son! two of my children have SEN and believe me i know not all children are the same. im not sure why you've singled me out to have a dig at.

i have an ADHD child. i have a friend who has two. im not suggesting you can make them sleep. you can however make sure they are not online gaming all night!

my child is often still awake at 10pm... however she is in her bed not on the computer, we do not do computers in bedrooms.

iammumtoone

delain wrote: »

we are not talking about your son! two of my children have SEN and believe me i know not all children are the same. im not sure why you've singled me out to have a dig at.

Sorry I didn't mean it to come across as a personal dig at you. I was just trying to point out that getting someone in to help is not a magic cure and may still not resolve the issue. I know we are not talking about my son we are discussing the boy in the OP but how are we not to know that his mother has tried all the suggested ways to get children to sleep and has just 'given up' and given in to a quiet life. I can certainly understand how this would be tempting.

I must also be honest I am a bit sensitive about this issue as I often get 'helpful advise' when I tell people and these people do just assume that he doesn't have a routine and that's all it needs to resolve the issue. So sorry again if I came across wrong.