concerned but I know theres nothing I can do.

meritaten

call me nosy if you like - but I am becoming concerned about a neighbours son.
I wouldn't say he is abused or ill treated physically. its just that he spends hours in his bedroom obviously playing internet game and he must have a mic/webcam/Skype cos I can hear him talking about the game and how to play it/get on different levels. he is there tonight since about 7.00pm still there now at nearly 11.50. this isn't new behaviour I think it started late last summer.

last night he wasn't there and his mum and stepdad argued violently about this - I nearly called the police at one time it was getting so heated! stepdad thinks he shouldn't be playing this game apparently. Their windows are wide open and when I go for a ciggie out front I can hear them clearly.
I know there is dam all I can do - but, his dad left and his stepdad seems to be arguing with the mum about the same things! she doesn't care as long as he isn't bothering her.

oh I forgot to say the lad is 5 yrs old. I suspect he has ADHD (he was in my GDs reception class last year and from what she tells me and my own observation of him - he is a 'handful'!

I am wondering if when school starts I should contact the SENCO? I know her slightly and the info may help into his behaviour in school?

Torry_Quine

You can contact social services if you are concerned.

meritaten

I don't think SS are going to be too concerned - he is well fed, clean and well dressed. and from what I know of SS in this area - that is ALL they will be concerned about.

just been out for a ciggy and the nightly 'battle for bed' is going on! mum seems to think that screaming 'go to sleep now' is going to settle him down! stepdad is trying to talk him down. honestly, this is upsetting me - the lad is upset, he doesn't want to go to sleep, he isn't tired he wants to keep playing his game, mum has ignored him all night as far as I can tell and step dad is trying but obviously getting fed up.

Ash_McCloud

meritaten wrote: »

just been out for a ciggy

Whilst filling your lungs with poisonous gasses you contemplated the health and well being of you neighbours eh?

Toto

What's your relationship like with the family? Could you pop in and have a coffee with mum and ask how things are? She may very well be in need of some support from her health visitor, could you encourage her to go and ask for some help with getting the little boy to sleep? It could be just a 5 year old testing boundaries, or there could be other things going on for the boy, maybe he's having nightmares and is afraid to go to bed, or he could have some issues with hyperactivity, the list is pretty long of what could be going on.

If you really can't go and speak to the family then I would speak to someone who can. Contacting social services is one route to go down, it doesn't always need to be neglect, it could be that you are just reporting that you know of a family who need a bit of support.

However, the message always has to be, if you are concerned then please escalate it to someone who can do something. It isn't your job to decide what is going on in a home or what action should be taken, if there is ever a concern, it has to be reported every time, even if you know that previous interventions have amounted to nothing. It isn't about blame or accusations, it's about helping children and their families to get the help and support they need early.

fawd1

meritaten wrote: »

call me nosy if you like - but I am becoming concerned about a neighbours son.
I wouldn't say he is abused or ill treated physically. its just that he spends hours in his bedroom obviously playing internet game and he must have a mic/webcam/Skype cos I can hear him talking about the game and how to play it/get on different levels. he is there tonight since about 7.00pm still there now at nearly 11.50. this isn't new behaviour I think it started late last summer.

last night he wasn't there and his mum and stepdad argued violently about this - I nearly called the police at one time it was getting so heated! stepdad thinks he shouldn't be playing this game apparently. Their windows are wide open and when I go for a ciggie out front I can hear them clearly.
I know there is dam all I can do - but, his dad left and his stepdad seems to be arguing with the mum about the same things! she doesn't care as long as he isn't bothering her.

oh I forgot to say the lad is 5 yrs old. I suspect he has ADHD (he was in my GDs reception class last year and from what she tells me and my own observation of him - he is a 'handful'!

I am wondering if when school starts I should contact the SENCO? I know her slightly and the info may help into his behaviour in school?

I can understand why you're worried, because it wouldn't be my choice to allow my child to be playing PC games in a room by himself at the age of 5 either. BUT, the reality is, I don't think SS are going to take you very seriously if you call up because you don't like the way he's being parented. If he is fed, clothed and not being mistreated, then the reality is that actually, whether you like the parenting or not, it's not really any of your business. Perhaps once he starts school and if you know a SENCO is involved it might be worth mentioning it, otherwise then I think you're fighting a losing battle.

fawd1

meritaten wrote: »

I suspect he has ADHD (he was in my GDs reception class last year and from what she tells me and my own observation of him - he is a 'handful'!

I would also suggest that if you know he's being ignored at home and is a handful that you deviate away from assuming he has ADHD and work towards the idea that actually he's just desperate for attention. The reason that people are starting to become annoyed with the concept of ADHD/ ADD is because people are using it as the "go to" illness whenever a child is misbehaved, regardless of what the real reasons might be.

meritaten

Toto - I do understand what you say - but, I KNOW from previous experience with SS that they wont do anything about a child who is well fed, not physically abused and seems to have all the advantages a child should have.

I am concerned yes - but I don't think that SS is the way to go. and I know for a fact that they would name me to the mother if I reported her. I am NOT going to do that!
I don't know her - I have taken in parcels for her when she is out and we say hello - that's the extent of it.

I feel sorry for her - but even more for this lad. and although I don't think its a case for SS, I do think she should be getting help. perhaps through school and then CAHMs? its been going on a while now and the lad is in no danger. physically anyway.

meritaten

fawd1 wrote: »

I would also suggest that if you know he's being ignored at home and is a handful that you deviate away from assuming he has ADHD and work towards the idea that actually he's just desperate for attention. The reason that people are starting to become annoyed with the concept of ADHD/ ADD is because people are using it as the "go to" illness whenever a child is misbehaved, regardless of what the real reasons might be.

er - no, its a combination of what my GD told me about him in school and my own observation of him from a baby.

meritaten

fawd1 wrote: »

I can understand why you're worried, because it wouldn't be my choice to allow my child to be playing PC games in a room by himself at the age of 5 either. BUT, the reality is, I don't think SS are going to take you very seriously if you call up because you don't like the way he's being parented. If he is fed, clothed and not being mistreated, then the reality is that actually, whether you like the parenting or not, it's not really any of your business. Perhaps once he starts school and if you know a SENCO is involved it might be worth mentioning it, otherwise then I think you're fighting a losing battle.

I know his school and know the SENCO a bit. I know one of the teachers a bit better and may approach him first.

barbarawright

meritaten wrote: »

Toto - I do understand what you say - but, I KNOW from previous experience with SS that they wont do anything about a child who is well fed, not physically abused and seems to have all the advantages a child should have.

I am concerned yes - but I don't think that SS is the way to go. and I know for a fact that they would name me to the mother if I reported her. I am NOT going to do that!

Really? Surely naming informants isn't standard practise?