concerned but I know theres nothing I can do.

sharnad

barbarawright wrote: »

Really? Surely naming informants isn't standard practise?

It's not you can make a anonymous report which op should do if se is really concerned

duchy

If you know the child -could you not cultivate a friendship between him and your GD and arrange the odd playdate- Perhaps if he learned HOW to play it might help.

As for SS - my neighbour had them knock on her door looking for a family who live opposite - she pointed them to the correct house after pointing out they had the wrong house number- a week later she received a report about the child's "inappropriate sexual behaviour" at school sent to HER address. She opened it without looking to see who it was addressed to - and then didn't know what to do with it-so gave it to me and I called SS . Unsurprisingly they had someone round to collect it in ten minutes but I was disgusted with them . Confidentiality my foot.

delain

fawd1 wrote: »

I would also suggest that if you know he's being ignored at home and is a handful that you deviate away from assuming he has ADHD and work towards the idea that actually he's just desperate for attention. The reason that people are starting to become annoyed with the concept of ADHD/ ADD is because people are using it as the "go to" illness whenever a child is misbehaved, regardless of what the real reasons might be.

You can't just get a diagnosis of ADHD just because you can't be bothered to parent properly...

Children are seen by a community paediatrician first (usually a few appointments), the school and the parents are given forms to fill in, then a referral is made to the consultant paediatrician team who see the child, discuss everything in great detail, refer the parents to an ADHD specific parenting course to ensure that parents know how to deal with a challenging child, see them again, then if appropriate you may get a diagnosis.

You don't just get a diagnosis from the gp because your child can be naughty. No wonder there is so much bad publicity around ADHD with people spouting such rubbish.

What meritaten could suggest to the neighbour (the stepdad possibly) is unplugging the computer at say 6pm, after explaining to the boy politely and calmly that that will be happening every evening and that it is to help him sleep... They will have a bad week or 2 but when he accepts it things will calm down.

The mum clearly does need some help. The boy is running her at 5! Things are only going to get worse when he gets older if she doesn't deal with it.

The school might talk to her about the parenting course maybe.

Kayalana99

fawd1 wrote: »

I would also suggest that if you know he's being ignored at home and is a handful that you deviate away from assuming he has ADHD and work towards the idea that actually he's just desperate for attention. The reason that people are starting to become annoyed with the concept of ADHD/ ADD is because people are using it as the "go to" illness whenever a child is misbehaved, regardless of what the real reasons might be.

I never belived kids could have behaviour problems. I really really struggled to belive that a child could be born to be a 'bad child' and no matter what parents/situation they would be same.

Since then, I have come into contact with three seperate children and I know 100% that two of them (the 3rd is debatable but still most likey) had behavoir problems at no fault of thier own.

Sometimes people really do have to see something to belive it and I don't judge people for thinking this way as its exactly how I used to be.

Takeaway_Addict

A kid....playing computer games for a long period of time....SHOCK HORROR!!!!

It's non of your business OP.

iammumtoone

I feel I must post on behalf of the child's mother. I am not saying what she is doing is right but I have a now six year old exactly the same who just will not sleep. It is hard looking after a child all day I do lots of activities with my son in the daytime but come 7-8 I just want some me time (I am knackered myself) but never get it as he doesn't sleep till 12! I have been known out of desperation to shout just go to sleep at him. Yes I know it won't help and doesn't work but it's just out of sheer desperation. I want/need him to sleep as i know the later he is awake the worse his behaviour will be next day due to lack of sleep! My son is not allowed anything electrical in his bedroom personally I wont go down that route but I can see how easy it is if it is keeping him quiet when u just want to relax. My son does not hav ADHD I know that when he has slept well he is like a different child and a good boy.

[Deleted User]

I have a 17 year old with aspergers. Since he was about 15 I have had problems with him staying up all night playing his games. Since he was born, he has had sleeping problems. For months on end, this meant I had to stay awake until he was asleep. I had tried everything to get him to sleep regularly, reasoning with him, star charts, emptying his bedroom of every distraction and not letting him have them back until he was sleeping during normal hours. I have, when extremely tired shrieked at him too. And argued with his father and his stepfather about it (not regularly but it did happen on occasion).

For about two years, when I changed him from one school he was having a very bad time at (bullying, lack of support), to a much better school he did sleep soundly for the first time ever.., but he's started not sleeping again recently.

I also have a five year old who has suddenly started showing the same behaviour. I keep trying but last night was the first night he actually went to sleep at a relatively normal time and slept the night through for about two months.

What I am trying to say is you are hearing and seeing things that are alarming, and a cause for concern but you actually don't really know what is happening in the household/school and what may be causing this behaviour. I constantly talk to my younger son's school about the problems my younger son is now displaying. I am NOT what I'd consider and neglectful mother, but I am sure it would seem that I am to others.

I remember the exhaustion when I had problems with my older son. Logic and clear thinking are difficult when you are so tired. While it is good you are concerned about this lady's son.., perhaps some support rather than judgment from a distance would be more beneficial (I don't mean this to be critical, people don't realise how exhaustion can affect parenting skills). I had my parenting skills questioned at every turn. The increasing stress effect of bad schooling was never raised. Lots of theories were offered but no cures until I moved 130 miles to a diffferent schooling system after 8 years of the problem.

It sounds to me like this woman needs support, but real support not treating like a criminal or bad parent.

jewelly

delain wrote: »

What meritaten could suggest to the neighbour (the stepdad possibly) is unplugging the computer at say 6pm, after explaining to the boy politely and calmly that that will be happening every evening and that it is to help him sleep... They will have a bad week or 2 but when he accepts it things will calm down.

If they did that, I would hope they would encourage some other kind of activity for the poor lad to get involved in who is probably addicted to gaming.

skintandscared_2

All kids play computer games these days but there should be a time limit on how long and definitely a better pre-bed routine than letting him carry on playing. The games are too stimulating for the brain for the kid to just stop playing and drop off to sleep. There should be a set time when the game goes off, the child has a bath and bedtime story and has calm time before sleep. If the child does have ADHD it's even more important to take that stimulus away earlier in the evening. Children plonked in front of computer games/the TV is just lazy parenting.

marisco_2

Common sense would suggest that no child is going to settle when a) he has been up for hours playing games so is psyched up but too tired to reason with and b) his mum is screaming at him to 'go to sleep now' leaving him feeling upset by the angst, stress and tension in his home. It is naïve of the mum to expect her 5 year old to instantly switch off, wind down, shut his eyes and nod off. Most parents have a bed time routine in place and carefully enable their children to calm down at the end of the day in a loving environment where they feel safe and at ease.

Lack of sleep will have an adverse effect on how this child copes and behaves during the day. Especially so when he goes back to school and will require additional energy to concentrate and get on. I would be very surprised if the school he is attending didn't pick up on all of this very fast, and start questioning what is going on at home. It must be horrible to know that a family are struggling in this way and that at the centre of it all is a vulnerable child. Personally I would speak to the school Senco and raise my concerns and leave it with him/her to handle appropriately.