can opposite personalities work in a relationship

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I'd like to say it'll work out.

But I've had a few very committed relationships and every time, it has ended badly precisely because I couldn't be the person they wanted me to be.

I'm dating somebody now who has a similar passion for music, art and suchlike, and whilst we still have differences (I love comics/graphic novels, etc, he's not so much), we have more in common than not - and it feels so much easier. By this stage with the exes, it was getting awkward at times, trying to tolerate and sound enthusiastic things I really didn't like, and I reckon the feeling was mutual.


The kids thing is probably the most serious thing. If he doesn't want them, unless you want a horrendously acrimonious breakup and to be left with a kid to bring up on your own with absolutely zero input financially or emotionally from him, following huge screaming rows where he demands you have an abortion - then you'd be better off going your separate ways now and finding somebody else. Because he will.

InsideInsurance

Most of what you have talked about is interests and goals not personalities.

Different personalities can work well together. I am the quiet reserved type outside of work where as she is the loud outgoing type. I like listening, she likes talking and so these are complimentary.

Differing interest can be ok but some overlap also is good so that you do things together as well as having your apart time. A friend and his wife always going on separate holidays because of their lack of shared interests which is a bit odd to me. Occasionally, sure, but not everyone but it works for them.

Differing life goals are much more a deal breaker as there is often no way to compromise. You cant have a kid part time. You cant both live in the big city and leave the rat race and live on a tropical beach, you could have a second home somewhere but that isnt truly living the second life.

busiscoming2

The completely different feelings about having children would be a deal breaker for me, but I don't believe you have to share the same interests and passions for a relationship to work.

74jax

sj77 wrote: »

I'm interested to hear from other people that have made relationships work even though their interests and life goals appear somewhat different.

sj77 wrote: »

My boyfriend of 1 year who I love very much, has a passion for campervanning and travelling, wheras i'm more homely and my idea of an ideal holiday involves a hotel. We have sort of compromised and do a bit of both reluctantly.

sj77 wrote: »

I would like to consider the option of kids (im undecided) but he definitely will not as it will affect his desires to travel.

sj77 wrote: »

It seems for one to be happy the other has to do without something they see as important from a relationship, we cannot find a middle ground at the moment. Is it doomed or have people with opposite characters found a way to make things work?

My OH and I are VERY different. He, like yours, loved camping when we first met - I prefered my sun and All Inclusive holidays, however he took me camping and as long as I am warm etc i'm ok and have come to really enjoy our time camping. We haven't been last year and I do miss it.

We have very different interests, he LOVES watersports and kitesurfs every afternoon as work that he can and I dont' see him on a weekend as he is out from 8am Saturday till 8pm Sunday...... However I love meeting my friends and shopping, having lunch out, etc and so we fit in sooooo well together.

yes, our holidays are too windy places :rotfl:but he makes sure I have my 'nice' holtel and I sit on a lounger with a cocktail and book and watch him kitesurf.

He totally believes in saving for retirement, whereas due to my family background and illnesses my parents have had, I'm a 'live for the moment' person, and as long as the bills are paid and I have a little in reserve I would rather go away for weekends and spend money on doing things now. My OH has a very large inheritance fund and also earns 3 times more than me so our outlook on money is generally very different.

However, we fit together really really well. We've been together 8 years and i guess we just compromise. i think people who don't agree on things and have differences can get along as long as they agree on the BIG picture.

if one wants kids and the other doesn't, well that's one heck of a compromise - compromising the rest of your life away. Yes the kids may come along and you think 'what on earth was I so concerned about' but thats a hell of a risk.

picklekin

People say that with children there is no compromise but I am not sure I totally agree. I never wanted children, was adamant, my OH did but he was prepared to let that go when he met me. However..... he's lovely with our pets and I just thought what a lovely father he'd make and over the years I changed my mind... It took a long time.. (If only wanting could make it happen though!)

However this is only true if you aren't bothered, if its the be all of your life and he's adamant that he doesn't I'd think twice.

lostinrates

picklekin wrote: »

People say that with children there is no compromise but I am not sure I totally agree. I never wanted children, was adamant, my OH did but he was prepared to let that go when he met me. However..... he's lovely with our pets and I just thought what a lovely father he'd make and over the years I changed my mind... It took a long time.. (If only wanting could make it happen though!)

However this is only true if you aren't bothered, if its the be all of your life and he's adamant that he doesn't I'd think twice.

( I did'nt mean to put the angry face at the top of this post but I don't know how to get rid of it! )
We are the other way around.

I cannot have children naturally, We both decided for personal reasons we did not want to go down the old of medical intervention.

We looked into adoption and fostering, more than once. However, last time DH said he was not in favour of adopting anymore. He feels the strain on me would be too much and that frankly, he's not sure he wants to any more for personal reasons. He likes kids, a lot, and its been a hard decision for him, for both of us.



I'd love a child but only if its with DH on board. We have a good life and however much I want a child, I think sometimes one has to accept that one cannot have everything one wants in life. As it happens, my health took another down turn last year, so DH might well have been right, it might not be fair to a child either.

So while our decision is lead by one saying no, it doesn't mean its the wrong decision, if that makes sense. There are other circumstances besides physical restriction which might lead to a similar thought with out the same physical restriction acting as such a powerful force for thought and communication.

geoffky

:)Yes.. Me and the wife are total opposites on most things in life..We have made it work,
But sometimes i wish things were a bit different..
I would love to go and live abroad but she is a my mum and dad are still alive sort of person..
Where i would just go for it....
It is all about compromise..We are going traveling when our youngest gets to 18 but even then i think it will be 3 star at the very least where i would just slum it.:)

gt568

I love people who base serious life decisions on advice they receive off the internet!

But yeah, sure, why not. Me and the frau are pretty different but get on great guns.

Turtle

gt568 wrote: »

I love people who base serious life decisions on advice they receive off the internet!

But yeah, sure, why not. Me and the frau are pretty different but get on great guns.

Nothing wrong with gathering a few different views, doesn't mean you actually have to do what people tell you!

gt568

Turtle wrote: »

Nothing wrong with gathering a few different views, doesn't mean you actually have to do what people tell you!

Sh1t.... Really???:o