can opposite personalities work in a relationship

red_devil

i think opposites attract initially but long term you need to be similar.

lika_86

Errata wrote: »

oh dear, sounds like you've got a Peter Pan.

How does a desire to travel mean someone is a boy who never grows up?

Many people like to travel and want to see the world without the limitations placed on travelling by children, I find this is especially true as being older and usually better off than when younger in life opens up a lot of places in the world as you can afford to travel to far flung places and stay in half-decent accommodation if that's what you want.

FBaby

There is a difference between different personalities and different interests. I think different personalities can work very well together, but am not so sure about totally different interests. If it is a case of totally different interests but some common ones, then as long as both are ok to a certain level of independence, then it can work very well, but not sharing any interests, or those that are very important could lead to either growing apart in time, or building up of resentment.

My partner and I have some totally different interests, but we also share some. More importantly, he is prepared to make the effort to get me interested in a couple of his, one which I drew a line on and he has accepted it, but one that I am gradually getting very fond of. We are spending more and more time sharing this sport and it is giving us some special quality time together.

Prothet_of_Doom

When I married my wife (and I do love her a very lot) she pretended to be interested in cars, motorbikes, camping, hill walking, and climbing, swimming, cycling.

23 years later, she admits to me that, she had, and has very little interest in any of these things.

She is interested in shopping, hotels and fancy restaurants, and the theatre.

Apart from the theatre, I'd rather eat in a climbers cafe, and sleep in a bothy than waste time and money on luxury.

But what is a man to do. I've got a weekend planned which does not involve her, but does involve a tent and a hill,(and my son and nephews) and I've got a weekend planned with her, which involves a nice hotel, theatre and good food.

bitemebankers

I think opposites in terms of personality or interests can attract, and stay together. Opposites on core values and life goals (if any) are a recipe for disaster though, IMHO. And reproduction is one of those core values - you need to think carefully about how badly you want kids because you cannot count on him changing his mind. Chances are, he won't. I've never wanted kids and I remember people telling me in my 20s "oh, you'll change your mind when you get older and all your friends have kids". Well, I didn't.

As for interests, I think it can be positively advantageous if you have at least some different interests. Spending ALL of your time together can be a bit of a passion-killer.

Carl31

Personally, I like having someone that is different to me. My wife and I share similar interests, but at the same time have completely different opinions and views on things, I'm more out going, shes more homely

Its far from problem causing, actually I think it helps to open your mind up a bit

bagpussbear

I think opposites can and do work, as long as there are compromises along the way, and a respect that each other likes to do things 'different'.

For instance in my life, my husband likes mountaineering and some of the higher mountains were simply too much for me (I have a small heart problem, and slightly asthmatic at times) so my compromise is I will go with him, but take my time, and when I have enough I wait for him or go back down. For more strenuous ones, he goes with a friend of his instead.

However, the issue of kids is a separate issue. Without being rude, may I ask who old you both are please? For instance, if he were, say, 22 there is plenty of time he could change his mind, on the other hand if he is 42 and doesn't want them, less chance he could change his mind. Just my opinion though.

dandelionclock30

Why dont you both just do your own thing and get together when you want?
In terms of children you dont really have to decide here and now.If you just see him casually then you can keep your options really open.You might meet someone more compatable, but you might not.
You can just enjoy his company in a light way without getting tied down.

balletshoes

sj77 wrote: »

I'm interested to hear from other people that have made relationships work even though their interests and life goals appear somewhat different.

My boyfriend of 1 year who I love very much, has a passion for campervanning and travelling, wheras i'm more homely and my idea of an ideal holiday involves a hotel. We have sort of compromised and do a bit of both reluctantly. I would like to consider the option of kids (im undecided) but he definitely will not as it will affect his desires to travel.

It seems for one to be happy the other has to do without something they see as important from a relationship, we cannot find a middle ground at the moment. Is it doomed or have people with opposite characters found a way to make things work?

Maybe im overthinking, I have a tendancy to worry about things in the future rather than living for the moment but these seem like dealbreakers to me.

common goals as a couple and then a family if thats what you both decide, and agreement on both sides as to values which are important within your relationship as it changes and evolves, are more important, in my opinion, than common interests.

My OH and I don't share many interests, but we do share common values on whats important to us as a couple/raising a child.

balletshoes

sj77 wrote: »

We are different personalities, im sensible, a thinker/planner or straight as he calls me... whereas he's more spontaneous, carefree and doesnt care to plan anything for the future.

thats different personalities, thats not necessarily different goals or values. My OH and I are chalk and cheese in that respect .