can opposite personalities work in a relationship

sj77

thanks guys seems a common theme in the responses, im still undecided about kids but im 36 (he's 39) so i feel i need to decide now before he moves in and things get beyond a point of return.

sj77

We are different personalities, im sensible, a thinker/planner or straight as he calls me... whereas he's more spontaneous, carefree and doesnt care to plan anything for the future.

Dunroamin wrote: »

You say different personalities in your thread title but then you actually describe likes and dislikes. Are your actual personalities similar or different?

Birdie85

I don't see any problem with having different hobbies, in that case I think opposites can get on quite well as long as there's a little overlap or eagerness to find out just why each other enjoys doing what they do (i.e. My OH is a very geeky rugby player so I show an interest in Star Wars and go watch him play on Saturday afternoons whilst I'm very indoorsy and like to do crafts and he puts up with the mess and always asks me about what I'm working on). Having different personalities can work too, one person loud, the other quiet etc, as long as you generally complement each other rather than rub each other the wrong way.

There is a massive difference between those things and having totally different life goals though. The question of whether or not you want children is a massive life choice and if you don't agree on this then it WILL end in tears. I'm sorry but at your age you'll have the make the decision sooner rather than later and if you do want children, don't let him string you along for years thinking that you may change his mind as the choice will eventually be taken away from you and you could end up resenting him for that.

CATS

Hi OP,

Me and my husband have been together for almost 13 years, we are more in love now than when we first met and we are sooooooo different that I do wonder sometimes how we work so well. I am loud, he is very quiet, I get bored and restless he is calm and easy going, I am stubborn, he is very easy to compromise and give in, I argue, he doesn't, I like seafood, he hates it, he likes beef, I hate it, he likes sports, I dont, you get my drift, we are literally the complete opposite of each other but we get on so well and absolutely adore each other, I cant imagine my life without him, so it can work if you really want it to. With regards to children, I have my beautiful son from a previous relationship, which we have both raised since he was a baby, however I never wanted any more children and he did. From the start I made it very clear and I was ready to end the relationship, however he adapted to it and now feels the same way, in a way he gave in to me not wanting kids, I guess as we already had one its a bit different than your situation, but one of you will have to really think about it and make a decision

Melaniep101

Hubby and I are very different people in lots of ways (he's a geek, I'm a technophobe, he's a saver, I'm a spender, he's an introvert, I'm an extrovert... you get the picture) but the one thing we agreed on from the get go was that we didn't want children together (we have one each from previous relationships). I can only imagine that our relationship would have been on the rocks by now if I would have wanted more kids.

The hobbies/interests you can compromise on, but whether to have children is either black or white IMHO.

Melaniep101

CATS wrote: »

Hi OP,

Me and my husband have been together for almost 13 years, we are more in love now than when we first met and we are sooooooo different that I do wonder sometimes how we work so well. I am loud, he is very quiet, I get bored and restless he is calm and easy going, I am stubborn, he is very easy to compromise and give in, I argue, he doesn't, I like seafood, he hates it, he likes beef, I hate it, he likes sports, I dont, you get my drift, we are literally the complete opposite of each other but we get on so well and absolutely adore each other, I cant imagine my life without him, so it can work if you really want it to. With regards to children, I have my beautiful son from a previous relationship, which we have both raised since he was a baby, however I never wanted any more children and he did. From the start I made it very clear and I was ready to end the relationship, however he adapted to it and now feels the same way, in a way he gave in to me not wanting kids, I guess as we already had one its a bit different than your situation, but one of you will have to really think about it and make a decision

Sorry CATS - my post is almost identical to yours!!! You beat me to it

CATS

Melaniep101 I know, how weird is that

marisco_2

They say opposites attract. I think how well that works depends on the combination of character which a couple have. Some types are more compatible than others. Having different interests is healthy. Holding different opinions shouldn't be a big problem, so long as you are both willing to listen to each other and respect one another's points of view. Having different life goals, especially on the big subject of whether to have children or not, is another thing altogether. If you think you may want children in the future, but are involved with someone who is adamant they don't, you really need to discuss this before getting deeply involved with one another.

GoldenShadow

When I read the start of this I was like oooh this sounds like me and my OH! I like exploring cities in Europe or going for a week with the dogs somewhere, and he's a kind of two weeks in the sun doing nothing, guy. He's very quiet and content to just chill out. I'm very outdoorsy and like to be doing something all the time.

Kids though, that'd be a deal breaker for me. People can change their mind but I'm so sure that one day I do want children, that I don't think I could be with my OH if he said never. Not on the chance he might one day think differently.

Errata

I would like to consider the option of kids (im undecided) but he definitely will not as it will affect his desires to travel.

(he's 39)

oh dear, sounds like you've got a Peter Pan.