can opposite personalities work in a relationship

sj77

I'm interested to hear from other people that have made relationships work even though their interests and life goals appear somewhat different.

My boyfriend of 1 year who I love very much, has a passion for campervanning and travelling, wheras i'm more homely and my idea of an ideal holiday involves a hotel. We have sort of compromised and do a bit of both reluctantly. I would like to consider the option of kids (im undecided) but he definitely will not as it will affect his desires to travel.

It seems for one to be happy the other has to do without something they see as important from a relationship, we cannot find a middle ground at the moment. Is it doomed or have people with opposite characters found a way to make things work?

Maybe im overthinking, I have a tendancy to worry about things in the future rather than living for the moment but these seem like dealbreakers to me.

fluffnutter

It's a difficult question. Any couple can make their relationship work if they try hard enough, in fact the secret to happy relationships is people who are simply happy in their own skin, with or without the other person.

However, that said, relationships where people share common goals (not necessarily interests) are statistically more likely to succeed. What's slightly worrying is your desire to at least consider kids, whereas he seems to be a categorical 'no'. That really is a deal-breaker. Whilst a certain amount of compromise is inevitable, whether or not to have children really shouldn't be something that anyone has to compromise on. Having said that, things change and without knowing how long you've been together or how old you are, it's difficult to know how important this issue might be, at least at the moment.

It matters not one bit that you like being at home and he likes to spread his wings, provided you don't try to change each other. You can be two completely different people and have a wonderful relationship. But it probably helps if you're looking in the same direction.

Norma_Desmond

Opposites can often be fantastic together..........but deciding whether to have children is the one thing where there is no compromise.

seven-day-weekend

I don't think the different holiday ideas is a dealbreaker, but the children issue might be, if both of you feel just as strongly about your respective views.

You can't compromise on having children. You could however compromise on NOT having them, if you are not too bothered. If however you both feel strongly, then there can be no compromise.

A difficult situation.

Any

If you might want children and he absolutely will not consider the idea then I am affraid I would see that as a deal breaker.
Don't take me wrong... my OH and I don't have any children, it's not that I am just PRO children immediately, I just can imagine (even though I don't want any) that if you want to be mother the urge can be stronger then anything else..

Otherwise, generally different personalities can work.. but you are asking about life goals!

VestanPance

Different interests isn't an issue, different life goals is another matter altogether. Particularly if one is looking to start a family and the other isn't. I'd say a different opinion on something as important as that will eventually break a relationship, unless one of the party changes their stance on the subject.

PasturesNew

I'd think somebody with a camper van was a real winner! All those breezily-easy quick getaways at low cost, discovering great/hidden areas of the country .... much better than a hiker/camper. I'd draw the line at hiking.

Would it help if you were able to give the campervan a makeover so it's got a luxurious interior?

tea_lover

"can opposite personalities work in a relationship"

I'm starting to think no. OH and I have some similar interests but have always enjoyed doing our own thing as well. However, the complete lack of overlap in our values/personalities, etc. is just too hard to ignore now.

Lagoon

Norma_Desmond wrote: »

Opposites can often be fantastic together..........but deciding whether to have children is the one thing where there is no compromise.

I would agree with this.

OH and I are quite different people with quite different interests. We're both quite 'geeky', and both very quiet and easy to get along with, but we have very different opinions on most things and aside from that geeky crossover we've got completely different interests and hobbies.

It works well, but if one of us wanted kids and the other didn't then I really don't know how it would work.

StuC75

Agree with Norma, when it comes to having kids theres no compromise possible..

Its certainly not over thinking - its more a case of realising what the limitations \ boundaries will be..

Dunroamin

You say different personalities in your thread title but then you actually describe likes and dislikes. Are your actual personalities similar or different?