Real-life MMD: If I'm paying rent, why should I tidy my room?

G6JPG

Would your agreement (I bet you haven't got it in writing!) let you put a lock on your door: is there any requirement for them to have access (some control, like a boiler, in the room)?

If this isn't allowed (and there may be legislation that says it has to be, I don't know), and you can't come to some agreement, I would move out, or at least move further towards considering it. I'm not saying actually put a lock on: just mention the possibility.

You could - probably at the same time as you discuss the lock - discuss a deposit; most private tenancies have one, I understand.

(If you haven't, I think you do need a written agreement anyway: to cover things like noise, guests, and so on, as well as tidiness/damage.)

It is an awkward situation.

janiebquick

If you can rent a small room privately for a little more extra than you are paying a week, then I suggest you do so. I'm sure your parents will be relieved.

Blairweech

I completely agree with people saying you need to get away from the parent-child relationship, which can be incredibly difficult. I think the earlier suggestion of sitting down and talking to them about what the 'real issue' is is a good one, although make sure it is an adult discussion and doesn't descend into a fight. Have you set a 'deadline' for when you will be moving out again or do your parents just see it as being an open-ended arrangement so they could be 'stuck with you' for years? Beyond that, try restating the rules and say you will do your own washing, cooking, shopping etc from now on (if you don't already), then you would be living as an independent and that could help them see you are a responsible ADULT and need to be treated as such.

Good luck, I do not envy your position - I moved back at 23 to go to uni as a mature student and it was hell (even though I was only actually living there over the holidays).

Shrewdmoneysaver

My parents were control freaks too. I simply moved out and shared a number of places.

I am now the wrong side of 60 with children, grandchildren and a great grandchild. My views have not changed. Once they get to a certain age let them take responsibility for their own rooms.

Unless there are overloaded electric sockets, anything else REALLY dangerous or a smell affecting the rest of the house let them have their space.

maggiebee48

Oh, please!

Be a big boy/girl and tidy up. Rights come with responsibilities. It's their house, they've been good enough to have you back. You owe them BIG TIME. It's making them sad. Why be a baby about it?

Mojisola

snowleopard61 wrote: »

I do agree with those who have said that the parents' rules still hold, regardless of whether the OP is paying rent.

Does this ever change? If the OP, aged 60, moved back to live with and care for his elderly father, would his father still be able to dictate the level of tidiness in his son's room?

If the father moved - at any age - into the son's house, should the son have the right to inspect his father's room and say how it should look because it was "his house and his rules"?

mcmurphy

How's the view from the high horse up there people?

This guy pays his rent, which he agreed on with his parents (effectively making them his landlords), so let him keep his room how he wants. As long as it's safe and not affecting the rest of the house with smells etc.

Presumably the rent entitles you to use the other shared rooms in the house too? Maybe you don't like how your parents keep that too tidy, but I'd be surprised if you grumble about that

Sounds like your folks don't recognise that your relationship has changed now. If they want you to keep your room to their exact requirements then you shouldn't be paying rent.

As a landlord I'd never dream of telling my tenants to unreasonably tidy up their rooms.

CompBunny

Living with parents as an adult is difficult. I've been there. Its difficult both for you AND for your parents though...

I think on this occasion you should just suck it up and tidy up your room to an acceptable level - floor clear and clean, surfaces clean but clutter ok. If this is not good enough for your father then you need to find out what is, why, and compromise to something that works for you both - you are both adults.

Do you do your own laundry, cooking, contribute to household cleaning? If not I really think you should start to do this - it shows that although you are living with your parents (albeit paying rent) you are still an adult capable of living independently although you are under the same roof. If Mum and Dad are cooking and washing for you it is so easy to slip back into the parent and child mentality.

bogwart

If you rented a flat you would be expected to maintain a degree of tidiness. In any case, why do you want to live in a tip? One day presumably you will want a tidy place for you and your family, what's so bad about learning a little self-discipline now? I do not think 24 is too soon to start behaving like an adult.

Traymit

Will you just stop playing about on that internet thingy and tidy your room!