Real-life MMD: If I'm paying rent, why should I tidy my room?

flimflam_machine

sue09 wrote: »

Flimflam, the loaning of money is something completely different. That's nothing to do with keeping a room tidy, I wouldn't comment on that because it's the other way round in our house.

True, it is different. I mentioned it to make two relevant points that are common to both situations:

1. Mixing family and financial relationships can easily lead to bad feeling between family members.
2. Parents will always have a degree of power over their children and it's particularly unpleasant for children to have a part of their life where they are acting in a responsible adult way (lending money, paying rent) used by their parents to infantilise them ("this is nothing compared to what we spent bringing you up", "tidy your room").

I think part of the problem is that people with older children read the OP as "Waaah waaaah, my Dad's being mean and wants me to tidy my room." This is indeed a total whinge and deserving of contempt. Whereas, people with no kids (or younger kids), who may well have more recent memory of renting a room, read the OP as "My landlord is overstepping the boundaries of the normal tenancy agreement, interfering with my private rented space and insisting that I organise my stuff differently." This is a perfectly legitimate grievance and would be dealt with more seriously if the landlord were anyone but the OP's father.

The OP unfortunately is between these positions (or possibly in both?), which is why this is a dilemma and not just a whine. Many people have failed to realise this and this has led them to post the rather daft response of telling a grown man to tidy his room too! As if they have any business telling him how to keep his stuff!

flimflam_machine

sue09 wrote: »

... the point is it's his parents home not a youth hostel & if he can't respect that then he should leave.

And the counterpoint is that, since he's paying rent, it's the OP's home too and he should expect certain behaviour from the person who receives the rent.

PoloBear

I am in exactly the same situation - 24 and just moved back home to my parents' house. My room is also, ahem, organised chaos to put it one way, but my mum is happy that as I am paying rent, I can keep MY space in whatever state I deem appropriate.

Billy_Bonkers

Who owns the house in which you're renting the room? Oh yeah, your Dad. His house, his rules. Don't want to play by them? Fine get your own room elsewhere. Simples.

Why not put some pics of your room up here and let the MSE community decide if its a messy tip or not?

cannylassie

It's your room - you rent it, you should have it the way you want it to be. My daughter moved back home for a while, paid towards house expenses, and her room was a right tip any time I caught a glimpse inside, but I would not have invaded her privacy for any reason. BUT - she cleaned it herself. Things would have been different if I'd been expected to vacuum, dust, change sheets and collect laundry. If anyone in your house does any of these for you then your room should be in a tidy enough state to allow these tasks. Fair enough?

Clueless969

@flimflam_machine - as you so rightly point out, this 24 year old is not renting from a conventional landlord, he is paying a contribution to his parents.

Whilst I agree that he is no longer a minor still living at home, he appears to have chosen to move back home after a period living elsewhere.

However Draconian his parents' rules may be, he is not being held captive. he is a free agent. If he decides that he doesn't like those rules, he is free to move out.

No more pressure, no more friction, no more falling out over whether his room is classified as a toxic dump or not.

It's his money and his choice.

flimflam_machine

Clueless969 wrote: »

However Draconian his parents' rules may be, he is not being held captive. he is a free agent. If he decides that he doesn't like those rules, he is free to move out.
...
It's his money and his choice.

Or... it's his parents house and their choice. If they think his untidyness is actually having a detrimental affect on their house or their wellbeing they can kick him out. But, funnily enough, nobody is suggesting this as a course of action. I'd suggest that the reason that nobody is suggesting it is that they actually recognise that the state of his room (bear in mind this is a 24 year-old, full-time employed, rent-paying man) is his own business, and that his parents are just needlessly having a go at him despite the fact that the effect on them is basically negligible. Exactly why they are doing this is a completely different question and probably requires a therapist, psychoanalyst or counsellor or something.

Edit: he describes his room as messy, not dirty, so "toxic dump" is making an unwarranted assumption that may skew your view on this.

Clueless969

flimflam_machine wrote: »

Or... it's his parents house and their choice. If they think his untidyness is actually having a detrimental affect on their house or their wellbeing they can kick him out. But, funnily enough, nobody is suggesting this as a course of action. I'd suggest that the reason that nobody is suggesting it is that they actually recognise that the state of his room (bear in mind this is a 24 year-old, full-time employed, rent-paying man) is his own business, and that his parents are just needlessly having a go at him despite the fact that the effect on them is basically negligible. Exactly why they are doing this is a completely different question and probably requires a therapist, psychoanalyst or counsellor or something.

Edit: he describes his room as messy, not dirty, so "toxic dump" is making an unwarranted assumption that may skew your view on this.

Agreed they could choose to kick him out and, of course, we have no idea whether they have tried this or not.

However, I think it's irrelevant whether they have tried to get him to leave or not, it is the 24 year old who has provided us with *his* dilemma, not the parents providing us with theirs.

He's the one that has a "problem" with his parents' expectations and, if he is so unhappy with this, he has the freedom to leave.

My bad, "toxic dump" should have had quote marks.

One has to wonder what the room really looks like, if he is comfortable with describing it as messy. My guess would be that if he thinks it's messy, his parent(s) is likely entitled to be more forthright in their description.

whosforachat

I cannot believe how rude so many people have been on this thread.

As always in life, you cannot control other people. So if your dad's rules are unacceptable, your only choice is to move out, regardless of how unreasonable he is being.

Windows

Your old landlord would expect you to keep the whole house clean and tidy right, likely in the contract you signed; so hardly unreasonable to be asked by your parents to keep one room tidy.