Real-life MMD: If I'm paying rent, why should I tidy my room?

duchy

Mojisola wrote: »

As I said on the original thread - the father needs to learn that an adult's child's private space is just that - private. The son is complying with everything the father wants in the shared part of the house and his room isn't dirty or smelly - it's just less tidy than the father would like.

If the father can't respect that his son is now a man and can choose whether to leave a book open or a newspaper on the floor of his bedroom, he's the one with the problem and will push his son away.

If he can't give his son this degree of control over his life, how will he behave if the son makes more important life choices that he doesn't agree with?

The father doesn't need to learn anything.
The (supposed) OP is twenty four and is returning home as an adult -They aren't a child still living at home but are choosing to return as an adult member of the household - and part of that adult decision is respecting the rules of the owner ....or living elsewhere.

When you drift from child in education to child living at home it's a bit of a different scenario but once there is a break and a child returns it's entirely reasonable for them to be expected to act like an adult and respect the rules. I'm sure they want their parents to think of them as an adult so why act like a mucky fourteen year old in this one way ?

I found living back home after a few years away really tough in my early twenties. It's far too easy for both parent and child to regress back to a parent child relationship - My Mum used to lie awake til I came home -I used to feel guilty - and we talked about it ....and realized she just simply couldn't help it - it was ingrained into her . My Dad would say "Dad " type things too I had a great relationship with them both - but I moved out fairly quickly as I knew we all needed it to keep the relationship good and as soon as I moved out they started treating me like an adult again. I do believe that once you've left home it's really difficult to go back - and in most cases it is far better not to.

Mojisola

duchy wrote: »

When you drift from child in education to child living at home it's a bit of a different scenario but once there is a break and a child returns it's entirely reasonable for them to be expected to act like an adult and respect the rules. I'm sure they want their parents to think of them as an adult so why act like a mucky fourteen year old in this one way ?

It's reasonable to expect a 24 year old to act like an adult.

It's reasonable for a 24 year old to expect his parents to treat him like an adult.

We have had adult children live with us - they were treated like adults, expected to contribute to the household both financially and by sharing the jobs and we respected their rooms as private spaces as they did ours.

We lived with my OH's parents for a while - I would have been mortified if my in-laws had come into our room and decided what level of tidiness we should be maintaining.

Robbo1967

I think its time to grow up, keep your room clean and tidy and show some respect for the property you are living in!

Angelicdevil

nearlyrich wrote: »

Didn't we do this one last week ?

It was a thread, started by someone, on one of the other boards on MSE.

Mojisola

Angelicdevil wrote: »

It was a thread, started by someone, on one of the other boards on MSE.

And he wasn't living in a toxic dump - he just wasn't keeping his room as tidy as his father thought he should.

megaroons

I have four children at home ranging from 15 to 22 years old, two of whom pay rent. My opinion is that their room is their domain and as long as they do not damage the room it is up to them whether they keep it tidy or not. They choose how to decorate their rooms. I do not clean their rooms. The rest of the house is kept to my rules.

Ebenezer_Screwj

Your parents are also your landlords, why should they have part of their house turned into a rubbish tip? Get yourself some self-respect and clean up your act.

winplease

Rent a small room elsewhere for a little more each week. Then live how you like, pay share of gas/electricity/council tax/insurance etcetc and spend evenings dreaming of a 4 bed house when you can't afford to go out.

wildthing01

I've rented a lot of rooms in a lot of houses over the years, and I've never once had to sign a contract that I would keep the house or my room clean and tidy. Keep things from getting damaged, yes, and maintain the garden to a reasonable standard (not let it get too overgrown etc), but never has a landlord had any interest in the state of my room.

I'm now a parent myself and I wouldn't expect an adult child who is paying me rent to tidy their room just for my benefit - I would just close the door and let them live in it! Providing it's not a fire or health hazard of course. I would expect them to keep communal areas tidy and clean because that directly affects me.

poppyfields04

You pay rent for your room so the room is yours, you should be allowed to keep it as you like it, as long as you dont untidy the rest of the house then i dont think your doing anything wrong, be happy :laugh: