Real-life MMD: If I'm paying rent, why should I tidy my room?

flimflam_machine

Clueless969 wrote: »

@flimflam_machine- sorry but I think that you are the one to have "spectacularly missed the point".

Nothing to do with parent/child relationship, when you live in someone else's property you are obliged to live by their rules. If you don't like the rules set by your landlord or, in this case, your parents, you find somewhere that will allow you to live in the way that you wish/want/need - end of story...

...the person who owns the property sets the rules.

It's all about the child-parent relationship because the parents are happy to treat him like an adult in accepting his money but also, when it suits them, to treat him like a child in demanding that he tidy his room. As has been mentioned already, standard tenancy agreements come with very strict restrictions about landlords accessing the property. Simply suspecting that a tenant's room is messy is not sufficient grounds for entering it (as long as it's not so dirty or smelly as to be causing damage or offense). If any of my previous landlords had told me to tidy my room (and I'm not sure how they would have known it was messy in the first place) I'd have to them where they could go and so, I hope, would anyone here.

The "my house, my rules" tosh is exactly what you would say to a child, but this is a 24-year old and his (paid-for) room is his own space. If he's happy with a messy room that's his business, not his Dad's and not ours. If his parents haven't made him believe that tidiness is useful by now they're not going to do it through threats or nagging, it's just something that he'll find out for himself.

sue09

It isn't really an argument is it really at 24 you are quite old enough to leave home & get on with your life instead of acting like a child. Some of the posts about contracts & locks on doors & you're entitled to live in a tip because you pay your parents a contribution towards the household bills. Do you ever look at it from the other side. I like your parents have, have worked hard to pay for all the things I have in my home & if I was asked to put locks on doors or draw a contract up the answer would be a no, you are old enough to respect your parents home & if you don't want to live the way they expect in their home then leave. I honestly think this is a wind up. If I was the parent in this case I'd just tell you to look for somewhere else to live, you say you have come back home so you have obviously lived away from home before so where's the problem. At 24 I think the fact that you posted this say's it all.

Hominu

Had one come up with a similar question - "I'm paying for my room so I should be able to do what I like in it" and then later "I can rent a flat for not much more than I'm paying now!". I told him "Do it". He then found out that it cost significantly more than he thought as he was only comparing rent, not gas / electric / poll tax/etc that he was getting for free.

kryssykk

Should you tidy your room?
YES, This is your parents house so you should respect their wishes. You need to learn some self discipline. Tidy mind etc. You will come across rules all your life (Other peoples rules) learn to accept and respect them. Alternatively rent a room elsewhere and pay for all the added luxuries from your own pocket. Heating, lighting, laundry etc. Need I go on. Grow up, show some respect and learn some self respect and generosity of spirit.

flimflam_machine

sue09 wrote: »

If I was the parent in this case I'd just tell you to look for somewhere else to live,

But they're not doing that are they? They're continuing to take his money (like a landlord) while using their specific relationship as his parents to give him grief about the state of his room.

I've had a similar experience with my parents. Very occassionally I've lent them money: less than £50 just because they didn't have any to hand. When I've asked them a few days later if they have the cash because I need it, they use it as an exuse to give me an ear-bending along the lines of "we spent a lot more than this bringing you up". Admittedly I always got the cash back, but it's immensely frustrating and quite insulting: feel free to act like my parents and tell me how much you spent on my upbringing, but don't use a perfectly straightforward loan between two adults (and friends!) as an excuse to do it. Either it's a straighforward financial transaction or it's not!

sue09

Hominu, that's without meals, laundry, TV, broadband use of the rest of the house. I'd do exactly what you did. Luckily my daughter has lived away from home & if she comes home in the holidays she is quite happy to keep her room clean as she knows it's not as easy as you think living away from home. I know she has her own opinions & she knows it also affects my life when she is home but the keep your room clean is the one thing I will not back down on & she respects this. I cannot understand anyone actually posting this at 24, as I said to my daughter when you are away you can live how you wish. Funnily enough she has turned into a real tidy person & actually does more round the house when she's home than I do.

sue09

Flimflam, he is still giving them the money, it is up to him if he doesn't like it to find somewhere else to live. I don't think any parent would want to throw their son out of home which is what they would have to do. The balls in his court as I said at 24 he's old enough to find somewhere else to live, the point is it's his parents home not a youth hostel & if he can't respect that then he should leave.

sue09

Flimflam, the loaning of money is something completely different. That's nothing to do with keeping a room tidy, I wouldn't comment on that because it's the other way round in our house.

rallp54

Although I'm quite tidy myself, both of my children (now in their mid 20s) are untidy. When they were young, I insisted on tidy rooms, but once they were teenagers I just shut the door to their bedrooms and let them get on with it, so long as no 'public' areas were affected. I thought that once they got places of their own, they would discover their tidy gene, but sadly that hasn't happened. So long as the mess is restricted to behind a closed door, it shouldn't be a problem, rent or no rent. But don't expect Mum to go in to collect dirty washing or change the bedclothes!

nannaanna

This is your parents' house and you asked/agreed to move in renting a room. At the age of 24 l would have thought you would be mature enough to respect other peoples wishes and property....if you can't be bothered, or don't appreciate your parents very much, then move out and rent somewhere else!